Does Playing Hard To Get Really Make Guys Like You?

how to play hard to get

It’s about being mysterious, not uninterested Source: ShutterStock

Hey Heather,

Is not calling or texting a guy for three days after he gives you his number really a good strategy to make a guy really like you? Does playing hard to get in general make guys like you? And what are some other ways to play hard to get?

While the old “three day” rule may be a little bit outdated, playing hard to get can definitely be a good strategy to get a guy interested in you. Guys are generally more intrigued by a girl who is a little mysterious and doesn’t put herself all the way out there than a girl who is really easy to get. In other words, they like a challenge. Think about it: would you like it if a guy who was pursuing you was always around you or available to you all the time? It would probably get a little annoying after a while.

That doesn’t mean that you should start ignoring your crush and giving him the cold shoulder – there’s a fine line between playing hard to get and showing no interest whatsoever. It’s more about showing the guy that you have other things going on besides him than making him think you’re not crushing on him. Personally, I feel like the three day rule is a little extreme and very old-fashioned. Instead of waiting that long (it’s a long time!), I would wait a few hours or at the most a day to give him a call. You’re trying to get him to wonder if you’re actually going to call – essentially making him think of you.

Playing hard to get is all about acting coy and mysterious and giving the guy something to work for. It sounds kind of horrible, but if you’re easy to snag, he might get a little bored (as you might also, if the roles were reversed). When he texts you, maybe wait a little while before texting him back. Don’t always accept his date invitations – if he asks you to go see a movie on a Thursday night, maybe say something like, “Thursday doesn’t work, but what about Saturday?”  Don’t always be the one to text or call him first, although that doesn’t mean you can never do it. And when hooking up, make him sweat it out and wait before he gets the goods.

Some things that won’t work? Blowing him off completely multiple times, saying mean things to him, ignoring him when you see him out and acting like you’re dating/talking to someone else. He might try hard for a little bit, but eventually he’s just going to think you’re not into him at all, and he’s going to move on.

But honestly, when it comes to dating, you should never feel like you have to follow a set of rules. Playing hard to get can be fun, but it’s not something you should be completely caught up in. Don’t force yourself to wait exactly two hours before you answer a text (I had a friend who did that with every guy she met) or refuse to accept a date without three days notice (another old rule). It’s not fun when it becomes a chore. I don’t think you should let a guy think he’s the center of your world (he might take advantage of that, whether it’s intentional or not), but I do think you should do what feels right with each dude you meet.

take care,

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Posted in: Help Me Heather, Love Advice
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  • Big Jim

    Playing hard to get only works on guys who haven’t achieved much throughout their lives and who don’t have other options. The highest caliber of men won’t go for the coy games; successful businessmen engage in high stakes negotiations every day, and can easily spot insincerity. Ultimately, playing hard to get is a manipulative tactic that will land you a guy. The only problem is the guy it will land you will just be another average guy and not the top dog.

  • Brittany

    I slept with mine too soon!!! He seems really into me, wanting to see me any night possible but I am playing a LITTLE hard to get now, waiting in between texts and not being available all the time. We’ve only met three times :S and he’s still talking to girls online! can I salvage this?

  • Emily

    I completely ignored a guy I liked when he came to talk to me once (not because i was playing hard to get) and now i think he likes me. Was it because of that or some completely different reason?

  • getnmybelly

    as a guy , A Matured Prince, this is what works.. Research.. know the guy/gal your attracted to! Yes hard to get can be a turn on for Some guys (bad boys) aka jerks who don’t mind being told no! If your man is someone with a sensitive spirit playing hard to get might constrict/restrain his (whoKnowsHowLoNg) Confidence.. to even make that 1 st move… Just sayin I’BE BEEN AT ALL TABLES GEEKS POPULAR SPECIAL ED, JOCKS ETC. As a universal Alpha, its what made me who I AM!

    What Men really really mean by hard to get, Is not being so flirty with our friends or strangers…. Play that you know what you want and or have a Man for us type Role …that’s what turns me on!
    (some men might like you to Flirt around getting other ppl attention, everyone different) so COMMUNICATE

  • mellisa

    I don’t think being honest is the way. I had a friend (my brothers friend) who I liked but I’m not sure if he liked me

    • Lolly

      So? It’s up to you whether or not you ask him if he likes you, but don’t play mind games or try to get him to say it so you don’t have to. Honesty can be terrifying, but it’s much more respectful than these baffling hard-to-get schemes.

  • lamingtongirl

    awesome. I’ve played hard-to-get loads of times, and it actually works. LOL

  • Lolly

    What is up with the strategies and the scheming and the idea that you can ‘make’ someone like you? It’s disrespectful to both men and women.

    If a guy gives you his number, you:

    1) Wait ’til you’re sure about what you want to do.
    2) Be honest with him.

    That’s it!