Why I Want You To Get Away From Me. Please And Thanks!

I don’t want to be like this, but I kind of am. | Source: Shutterstock

“Hi. My name is Julie. Pleased to meet you. Now can you back away? Seriously. Like two full steps.”

That’s how I’d love to introduce myself. I normally stop after saying my name, but I wish I could say the rest. You see, I hate being touched. Weird, right?

It’s just how I am. I don’t like being hugged, kissed on the cheek or even shaking hands. I never have and I’m going to guess, I never will.

Just so you don’t think I’m a total cold-hearted freak, I’ll let you know there is one caveat. I do like when someone I’m dating touches me. But that’s rare. Very, very rare. When I’m out on a date with a guy and he holds my hand or grazes my shoulder and I don’t automatically shutter and flinch, that’s when I know I really like him. Aside from those few select dudes that pass my touch test, I’d like everyone else to back off.

It’s not that I’m afraid of germs or think people are dirty. I don’t like being touched because it feels way too intimate to me. It’s like my brain is all, “This body is mine. Everyone else, hands off the merch!” I know it doesn’t make much sense, but it’s how I really feel. And apparently, I’m the only one. It seems like everyone else loves touching each other.

Strangers will hug me when they meet me and old friends kiss me on the cheek to say hi. What ever happened to a good old fashioned personal space respecting wave? Seriously, when did that stop being enough?

I’ve learned to manage my touch-phobia and can generally act like a normal person in high touch situations. Just this week I kissed my friend’s mom on the cheek when I said hello and hugged another friend’s boyfriend when she introduced us. And in both situations, I think I managed to look like my skin wasn’t crawling. But, it was.

Sometimes people call me out on it. Every once in a while I’ll hear, “Julie, you’re not going to hug me?” or “Come on, hug me like you mean it.” And instead of explaining that I’d rather be raked over hot coals while listening to spoken-word poetry, I just go in for the hug. There’s no real way to explain my touching thing without offending my friends or making myself sound like a royal freak. I guess I could just send them a link to this article now.

I’m wondering, am I really alone in this touch thing? Anyone else out there not want to be touched? Let me know in the comments if you think this is beyond weird or if you relate.

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  • Lori Ann Jordan Gutierrez

    yep I can’t stand it either.

  • Kimberley Smith

    I have autism, it’s very different in females to the stereotype autism male character. For a start a lot of us would go undetected because we are so much like everyone else. Girls with autism tend to be quirky in their own way. No one would tell that I had autism and actually I’ve had people argue with me that I’m not! Cheeky! My diagnosis and extensive knowledge of autism (including 2 daughters on the spectrum and a masters degree in autism). I understand absolutely what you are saying and this is why females with autism get over looked because we do our best to ‘fit in’ and go unnoticed. And also we are denyed help and understanding about our difficulties because like you we tend to push our self and do it when needed, and then it’s assumed, well you done it then so you can do it all the time! As if you havnt got a problem at all. So I suppose what I’m saying is I think you may be on the spectrum too, high functioning autism (although I hate that term, insinuates our needs are less when in fact they are just different, but it helps the word distinguish between us I suppose, it’s just often a misunderstood term). I hope you are not offended by me saying this, of course I might be wrong, but it may be worth you looking up some stuff on women with autism. The national autistic society have publications buy Gould and Aston-Smith something like that anyway but it’s great, and also there are various females with autism who have their own websites and publications all giving insight into females with autism. Also females with autism tend to be genetic so if you are on the spectrum you may discover a long line of undiagnosed females through your family which is kinda cool. My daughter is very much like you with the touching thing, she’s comfortable with me touching her and that’s it but if I was to get too close or breath on her in the slightest she feels violated but no one else understands and school is an absolute war zone for her, it’s so sad, I’m sure the teachers move closer to her on purpose just to push her, it’s absolutely disgusting, they make her sit beside people even though she resists and age can’t get any work done for it, would it be so bloody difficult to give her a desk of her own!!! Some times this world gets the better of me. I wish you luck and happiness in the future.
    Best regards
    Kimberley

  • Cody Dotson

    No I am male and the same way but most people who know me know it cause I don’t hide it… Some people do it to be funny to pick on me it drives me crazy… I get ask all the time how I can have a girl friend or be in a relationship.. Its so hard to explain why I am like this.. Its not a emotional thing… I cringe I brush it off I have to wipe it off idk… I am a country boy so getting dirty ant it shit idk lol…

  • BAE

    I have the same thing, but it isn’t about being too intimate, I don’t think . . . I am trying to see if there is a technical term. I hate it when people touch me though. I am only good with high fives or hand shakes.

  • Ilda Renteria

    You are not weird at all, or I least I think so, because I am there exact same way! I so understand, I just wish everyone else did! It is super hard to make your kids understand that they can’t hug you or you can’t hug them like normal mothers would!

  • devilmaycare34

    You aren’t alone. I came here because I was looking for other people with the same issue. There is a guy at my work who is overly friendly, slotted me into the spot of person he really likes and now that I’m trying to get him away from me he keeps walking up and poking me. It makes me seethe all over. He won’t listen to the fact it causes me anxiety. Most people I explain it to actually do understand and will pat my head rather than hug me or pause and ask. But he does not. I’m in the middle of putting in a complaint against him because I’ve tried telling him everything I can’t put up with any more and outright telling him I don’t like you please stay away from me and got a response that suggested he read nothing and that he thinks I’m offended by his life style rather than the fact he tells every customer I look like Princess leia as I walk past, tells them how much he thinks I’m adorable and asking them to agree and repeating the same phrases at different situations or talking about the same topics constantly. I’ve even noticed him staring at me on self scan which I thought was just me being egotistical but another colleague witnessed it and said it was creepy. Even my nan said he’s looking for me when he serves them. I need a new job. I need to get away. I need him to stop getting in my personal space and stop touching me even after telling him please don’t talk to me, please leave me alone, stop touching me. He talked back to me like a little girl and told me just because I had a degree didn’t mean I was smarter and that I was blowing things out of proportion. I don’t know what to do anymore so I’m going to ask for help.