As if you didn’t have enough to worry about boob-wise: It seems like everything on the planet somehow is linked to breast cancer, there’s pressure for your set to look a certain way (big but not too big, perky but not at your chin, small enough to wear sample sizes–it’s ridic and impossible). And now there’s a new study saying that not only will your breasts naturally start to sag, but that you might actually be causing it. How?!
Aside from that bitch that is gravity, a new study suggests that your life style–particularly your smoking and boozing habits–play a role in whether or not your boobs stay pert. Researchers studied the breasts of 161 pairs of identical twins (must be a pretty sweet gig for a straight dude, right?), initially to see if breastfeeding was a boob sag culprit, but discovered that it’s actually only one of many factors that go into whether or not your jugs stay in the “right” place.
The study found that apparently aside from “beer goggles,” lowered inhibitions, inability to drive safely, and liver damage (if you overdo it), one of the effects of alcohol is sagging boobs later on.
It’s not just alcohol that effects your breasts, though. Smoking cigarettes has been shown to make them less perky, too–and considering how bad you already know ciggies are for you, this is one more incentive to put the pack down. Overeating was also linked to an eventually saggy set (which makes us sad, because it’s pumpkin pie season). You’re also less lucky if you have big boobs, as larger breasts were shown to sag earlier and more often than those on members of the Itty Bitty Titty Committee.
Here’s where it gets a little wonky, though. Some of the criteria that the study researched doesn’t make sense to us. For example, one thing listed in the study as one of the effects of alcohol, smoking, and getting the munchies? “Less attractive areola size.” What the eff does that even mean? What’s “attractive” is pretty subjective, so that made us roll our eyes pretty hard. So. DUMB.
The study suggested that aside from surgery (which is likely the publisher’s fave option, given it’s from the Aesthetic Surgery Journal), hormone replacement therapy can help women keep their boobs shapely and in place, but here’s the thing: hormone replacement therapy has been linked to breast cancer. So apparently our options are either sag, go under the knife, or risk terminal illness for perkier boobs. Or maybe going into space, which would sort of be cool, but it’s not like anyone can see your cleavage in an astronaut’s suit anyway. So call us crazy, but it really doesn’t sound worth it to us–and it sounds a bit like this study is preying on insecurities to give plastic surgeons a boost in sales.
You already know that excessive drinking, smoking, and overeating are bad for you to begin with. But the boob thing? The fact is, as long as gravity exists, there will be boob sagging (this is why pushup bras exist!), and as long as everyone is born different, areola sizes are all going to be different. Guess what, though? Guys don’t care. Breasts of all shapes and sizes are just great to them–tiny, big, perky, low-hanging. And “attractive areola size?” Give us a break. Dudes just get stoked to see an areola to begin with. They’re just stoked to be there. And if they’re not? That’s not a dude who deserves to see you shirtless to begin with.
Your boobs are awesome, because they’re attached to you. Now go and enjoy them while they’re still in the “right” place.
Will this study about the effects of alcohol and cigarettes on your boob perkiness deter you from drinking or smoking? Are you self-conscious about your areola size? Do you ever freak about your breast shape or sagginess? Tell us in the comments–and relax, because you’re probably totally normal!
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