How Do I Tell My Boyfriend That I’m A Virgin?

Dear Heather,

I am a virgin but my boyfriend thinks I’m not because I lied to him (he’s not a virgin). If he finds out that I am, he will be really mad at me. I love him more than anything. How do I tell him the truth? Should I tell him? During sex will he notice?

This might not be what you want to hear, but the best thing to do right now is to come clean about your virginity. In a relationship, being honest with each other is really important. Your virginity is your business and not something you have to share with everyone. However, your sex life is something you should discuss (to a certain point) with the person you’re currently dating. Besides that, continuing to lie about your virginity is only going to weave a tangled web. It’s better to tell the truth now before you get any deeper in.

Think about it this way: how would you feel if you found out that your boyfriend was lying to you about being or not being a virgin? You’d probably feel a little betrayed and hurt. I’m not judging you for not telling him the truth in the beginning – I’m sure you had your reasons, and maybe you were nervous about admitting to being less experienced than him. It’s normal to feel that way, but there’s no reason to feel like being a virgin is a negative thing. It’s definitely not!

Honestly, he might be able to tell the truth on his own when you guys first have sex. Your first time will most likely be a little painful, and due to your hymen breaking, you might bleed a little bit. Imagine his reaction if he sees blood in the middle of a hookup sesh. If he realizes the truth on his own, he’s going to be more mad than if you told him yourself. Also, if he knows you’re choosing him as your first, he might be a little more gentle and make things a little more special for you.

The only way to tell him is just to simply say that you’re a virgin. If you’re ready to have sex, let him know that. If you’re not ready and you want to wait, you have to tell him that also. Just be really honest and have the talk at a time when you two are alone… and preferably in person.

And if he gets mad? Give him a little time to cool off. It’s understandable for him to be angry that you lied to him. Apologize and explain your reasons for not telling the truth from the beginning. Let him know that you feel guilty for lying and that you want to be more honest with him from now on. But if he’s more mad at the fact that you’re a virgin rather than the fact that you lied, then he’s probably not worth your time. As I said before, there’s nothing wrong with being a virgin and you shouldn’t let anyone make you feel like there is.

take care,

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Posted in: Help Me Heather, Love Advice
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  • Sarah

    “How do I tell my boyfriend I’m a virgin?”

    By saying “I’m a virgin.” Or even “I’ve never had sex before.” It’s really not something that needs to be lied about. There is nothing wrong with being a virgin (Or not being a virgin). You said he will get mad at you for being a virgin? I hope you mean he will get mad at you for LYING about not being a virgin, because there isn’t anything to get mad about and if he does then you should rethink having him as a boyfriend.

  • Tatum

    Why lie about it? Why would he be mad? Being a virgin isnt a bad thing! In fact, it’s great!

    • Lena

      Virgins united.

  • Hannah

    Similar experience- except I never lied about it. My boyfriend just assumed I’d had sex because we never really talked about it. & Losing my virginity was never a big deal to me. So when it got down to business he was like ‘WHY ARE YOU BLEEDING? ARE YOU ON YOUR PERIOD? OR??’ and so at that moment I told him. He just wondered why I didn’t tell him before and told me that it doesn’t matter (because he forgives me for my mistakes before they even happen)