If you’ve ever had a mediocre (or worse) hook up, you’re probably wondering how to have better sex next time. Sometimes you just need to kick that particular partner to the curb, but not always: There’s a couple sex secret that can not only improve your sex life, but also your relationship. Want to know how to have better sex and be closer with your partner? The trick involves your lips and oral skills.
We’re not talking about oral sex. We’re talking about talking.
Research says that talking about sex is how to have better sex. And it makes perfect sense.
A study reported that people who were comfortable talking about sex in general are more likely to talk about sex during the act, which can lead to a happier hook up. Think about it: If you’re nervous to talk about sex in normal conversation, you may be a little hesitant to tell a guy what feels good in bed (“Yes that! No, a little to the left!”) while you’re actually in bed.
Fair enough, but you’re probably like, “Uh, how exactly did they find all this junk out?” Turns out the research was less invasive than you’d think. No one was lurking in anyone’s bedroom closets or anything. The researchers rounded up a little more than 200 people from colleges and online sites and gave them surveys. (It didn’t say whether they’re anonymous, but we’re guessing they are). Volunteers were asked to rate how much they agreed with statements like “I feel nervous when I think about talking with my partner about the sexual aspects of our relationship,” and “I feel anxious when I think about telling my partner what I dislike during sex.” Losing those jitters are the key to better sex!
According the new research, the more nervous you are to talk about sex, the less likely you are to have a high quality hook up. “Even if you just have a little bit of anxiety about the communication, that affects whether you’re communicating or not, but it also directly affected their satisfaction,” one researcher said. She explained further that nervousness when talking about sex while doing the deed “might be kind of taking them out of the moment and therefore reducing the overall satisfaction they experience during their encounters.”
Even for the most outgoing person, talking about sex during a hook up can be awkward–but there are ways around that. Pros suggest moaning when something feels good (not just to get it over with) to get around having to be all, “Hey! That feels good!” verbally, because that can be a bit too direct for some people to be comfortable with. You can also adjust your movements, eye contact, and breathing to convey when you like and don’t like something during a hook up.
An idea that’s just as good, if not better? Only have sex with people you’re comfortable talking about sex with. Because if you feel awkward talking about sex with someone, the sex isn’t going to be that great. When you’re with a partner you trust and can let your guard down with, you’re more likely to have better sex, because you’ll be able to actually enjoy it and improve it instead of worrying that you may offend or freak them out when you say what you want.
Remember, guys aren’t mind readers–if they were, none of this would be an issue! Your mouth is good for a lot of things that make your partner happy during a hook up. Using it to speak up will lead to better sex for you!
Do you think talking about sex is how to have better sex? Are you nervous to talk about sex with your partner? How do you communicate about sex? Tell us in the comments!