Why “Nice Guys” Are Full Of Crap

nice guy

Man up and stop being so whiny! | Source: Shutterstock

Hey, nice guys? Stop complaining that girls only date douchebags. It’s not our faults.

First of all, all of you “nice guys” who complain that we never go out with you? How many of you have actually asked any of us out? So many alleged “nice guys” who bitch, moan, and complain about who they see their female friends smooching have never mustered up the balls to ever make a move. Are we supposed to wait forever for your stuff to drop? Because we won’t. Even if we really like you, eventually, if you don’t throw us a bone (please don’t misread that, it may end in an assault charge or at least a gross misunderstanding), we’re going to move along to someone who does.

Second, why are “nice guys” only nice until they get rejected? Look, we get it. It sucks and it hurts when someone you’re attracted to isn’t interested. But guess what, nice guys? That stuff happens to “nice girls,” too. And being bitter and jaded and making generalizations about an entire gender (“Girls only like jerks!”) won’t get you laid any quicker, so you may want to get over yourself, dust off, and get back on the proverbial bike.

Thirdly, are you sure we only like douchebags? Because if a guy is genuinely douche-y, chances are we’ll figure it out eventually and bounce. The fact that you’re denouncing our taste in guys isn’t making you any more attractive. In fact, it’s a little insulting to us that you assume we make crappy decisions and that you know better than we do about our own love lives. It’s also, ironically, a pretty douchey thing to do. And please do remember that most douchebags start out pretty nice–that’s how they trick us! So cut the girls in your life a little more slack, will you?

nice guy

You’re not fooling us, nice guy. | Source: Shutterstock


Fourth, think for a second about a literal douchebag. Like, an actual bag that holds douche. Chances are you don’t even know what that looks like, but we’ll let you know: It usually comes in a pretty package and is supposed to smell pretty good. Part of why we’re attracted to guys who you may assume are douchebags is because, well, they’re often pretty goodlooking, and they usually shower regularly. If you’re a “nice guy” who’s always covered in corn chip crumbs and you don’t wash your hair, we’re not going to want to make out with you. And if we don’t want to make out with you, we’re not going to go out with you. You can have friendship without attraction, but you can’t have a relationship without it. If you’re not putting forth your best self, don’t whine when you get friend zoned.

On that note, can you stop whining in general? That would be great, because it’s not solving anything. In fact, it kind of makes us lose respect for you when you lament for hours on end about how great you are and why we can’t see it because we’re dumb. We’re not dumb, you’re just a little annoying, and probably more than a little clingy. And clingy doesn’t end well. We already warned Taylor Swift about this.

Is it true that some of us like to be kept guessing? Yes. Is it true some of us like the idea that we can possibly tame a bad boy? Yeah, it is. But not all the time.

The fact is, just because a guy isn’t you doesn’t mean he’s a douchebag. Being a self-proclaimed “nice guy” doesn’t entitle you to any girl you want. Chances are if a girl is dating someone you think is a douchebag, it’s because that douchebag, however vinegar-y and Summer’s Eve scented he may be, had the confidence to approach her and ask her out (which is so sexy!), and chances are there’s more to him than you can see from a jealous outsider’s perspective. Now hurry up and ask us out already. We’re waiting for you!

Has a “nice guy” ever accused you of only dating jerks? Have you ever dated a guy that your guy friends thought was a douchebag? Have you ever had to friend zone a guy? Do you think girls really do like jerks better than “nice guys”? Tell us about it in the comments!

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  • largesse

    You can lose the “entitlement” allegation. Do not worry, nice guys not only go without entitlement claims, they don,t even play the game.

  • allergictobullshit

    Well i dont know about this nonsense but, nice guys are out there actually that dont complain. OR BITCH OR whine about stuff like that. the real nice guys that love a girl so much that they trust her whole heartedly even if they change to someone they dont even understand or never thought they’d become. they just backstab and betray that nice guy, even after 6 years. and all that special time. you have together. they just betray and backstab in the end. deal with it, you dont know different perspectives in this world much you havent experienced much girl

  • John

    Guys, don’t bother reading this. Women don’t know what they want. Even if they did, they wouldn’t tell you. So never, ever, take dating advice from a woman or believe any article written by a woman.

  • Philosopher Stone

    For better or worse, being a genuine nice guy usually doesn’t pay! If you were raised to be highly courteous and respectful to women and treat them accordingly, they usually don’t want you! All women are not the same. Yet, there is an undeniable subset of women who respond to obnoxious bad boy-jerk behavior. Maybe it’s a female hormonal, primal thing!

    A man who tries to be nice to women is apparently not valued by them AT ALL in most cases! The saying, “Nice guys finish last!” has a powerful base of reality behind it. So it should come as no surprise that many nice guys learn to stop being nice! Being an uncaring “jerk” leads to much greater rewards from women. If most women continue to shun nice guys and reward “jerk” behavior with sex, nice guys will eventually cease to exist. And women’s conduct will be the reason why!

    • dave

      This is going to go back and forth , but just read the newspaper and see how the women are beaten and abused by the guys THEY chose, for not having their interests at heart. I guess that the so-called “nice guys” look better and better every day!

  • Jason

    But how about this…..what about the number of times the nice guy HAS asked a girl out only to be rejected…..time and time again? After awhile, we stop trying because rejection sucks and we just don’t want to deal with it anymore. It’s like getting a cut and having lemon juice poured over it….eventually you don’t want the pain so you stop doing it. Understand?

  • LOL

    So, basically, men should be men, and women should be women. You’re against feminism then.

  • K

    I was called a “nice guy” before and a “player.” I can’t be both, so “here’s to all the girls I’ve f’d before” – it was my pleasure. Hey Jessica, stay the hell off my balls!

    • pritam

      i want a goodlooking girlfriend

  • Lehliana

    I hate guys who bitch about being friendzoned. I once knew a guy who pretended to be my “friend” for a really long time and i took that for what it seemed to be. The moment I got a boyfriend I became “the whore who he didn’t really like in the first place”. That REALLY hurt. I know everyone says that boys and girl can’t really be just friends but are we as women useful only as girlfriends?

    I find it demeaning and downright douchey of them to pretend to be something they’re not and then have the nerve to say that we are to blame.

    Oh, and for the record : I never in my life have met a genuinely nice guy who was unable to get a girl to like him.

    • dave

      Ms.Lehliana – I think that you missed the boat entirely about believing that guys are supposed to “get a girl to like them” . We are not really going to accuse you of leading
      “Mr. Douchey” on,or anything, to get him to do things for you, but there is another side to this coin that men are not allowed to talk about, or they are accused of being horrible, woman-hating, woman-resenting fiends.

  • Emmy

    OMG YES this is so true

  • niceGUY

    really informative, i am a nice guy or think i am. and trust me this articles really made me think a lot about all the heart br8ks i’ve had and all the time i sold my self shot trying to be nice, thinking that gals want Mr nice guy or price charming.

    i am really good looking, intelligent, hard working and scared to hell to approach nice looking girls, now i am stuck with a gal i am not attracted to, just because she was available when i needed a gf. and trust me being a nice guy sucks now she stoped having sex with me, and i am falling out of love with her but scared to hell to tell her.

    i have seen that i am nice and plan on working more on my character,

  • CerebralComa

    This worst is guys who claim they get “friend zoned”. They’re basically shaming someone for simply NOT BEING INTERESTED IN THEM. It’s not someone’s fault if they don’t have a sexual or romantic attraction to someone else, and it should be respected. But so many “nice guys” refuse to accept that and think that just because they’re “nice”, OBVIOUSLY we HAVE to date the,.

  • Kristen

    AMEN

  • Nichole

    THIS!!!!
    I’M NOT THE ONLY ONE.

  • AD

    Gah, ‘nice guys’ are all over the place. So are ‘nice girls’. It’s certainly not just a male thing. Two things I’ve learnt so far is that a) douchebaggery is not gendered, and b) it can be very subtle.

    • AD

      *’Are that’. Lousy brain.

  • Cowboy Chasing

    oh my gosh haha! perfect!!

  • seventyeight

    YES. This is so true I can’t even.

  • ProudIslander._.

    LOVE THIS. FINALLY, SOMEONE UNDERSTANDS.