How Do I Know When To Say I Love You?

when to say i love you

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Dear Heather,

My boyfriend and I have both been in past relationships that got way too serious way too fast. So we have been moving along at a steady snail pace and keeping things sweet and simple. Which is exactly what I wanted and it’s perfect… except that I’m not sure how that carries over to our emotional relationship.

I love him. I gave myself some time to make sure I read my feelings right and it is true: I love him. But I’m not sure if he is ready for an “I love you”. I don’t want to rush him, but I also can’t change what I feel.

I am scared. What if he doesn’t share my feelings? What if I care more than he does? What if this is too fast? Should I wait longer to tell him? Should I wait for him to say something first? Help!

Saying those three little words is a big deal for some people – and it should be! Nowadays, “I Love You” is thrown around really easily, and the fact is, it’s a pretty loaded statement. There’s nothing wrong with taking things slow and keeping things simple, like you and your boyfriend are doing. It’s great that you’ve put a lot of thought into this and that you’re not jumping into anything you don’t think you’re ready for.

It sounds to me like although you’re worried about your boyfriend’s reaction, you’re also a little afraid to say those words after what has happened to you in the past. It’s totally normal to be nervous about making that statement, but if you truly do love your boyfriend, you should tell him when you think it’s right. There’s no need to rush and spill your guts as soon as you’re done reading this. But if you’re hanging with him one day, and the timing feels right, then say it. Holding back how you feel about someone is never going to do you any favors, and putting this off is probably only going to make you more nervous.

That being said, if the thought of telling him you love him is making you feel like you want to throw up from nerves, then don’t force yourself. As I said before, there’s no reason to rush things. It sounds corny, but letting things happen and following your heart is usually the way to go in a relationship.

Now, what if he doesn’t say it back? Unfortunately, there’s not much you can do. However, that doesn’t mean you need to start freaking out right away. Just because your BF isn’t saying it at the same time as you are, that doesn’t mean he won’t eventually – and it also doesn’t necessarily mean that he doesn’t feel that way. It can take a long time for a person to feel comfortable saying those words, and it’s okay to give your BF time to sort out his own feelings. Him not saying he loves you doesn’t mean he doesn’t care about you.

But if he gets totally weird once you say it and starts pushing you away, that’s another story. That points to other emotional issues he needs to deal with. If he truly cares about you, he won’t break up with for telling him you love him. If he can’t handle that statement at all, then maybe he shouldn’t be in a relationship right now.

take care,

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Posted in: Help Me Heather, Love Advice
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  • Bethany breeze

    This is my problem but in the end we are in a very loving relationship

  • nea

    love is cool…i mean its messy,uncomfortable and in luv