My Boyfriend Is A Virgin, But I’m Not. Help!

Hi Heather,

I need your help. My boyfriend and I are the same age, but he’s a virgin and I’m not. We’ve been hooking up a lot and getting really close to having sex… but he’s not ready to do it yet. He thinks he’s too young. I know I should wait, but I do kind of want to have sex with him. I love him so much and I regret my first time, so I want to make sure he doesn’t regret his. What am I supposed to do?

I know this is easier said than done, but right now, try not to stress out so much over sex. A relationship is about so much more than getting it on. There’s no reason to rush into anything or to worry about when the two of you will be having sex. If it’s going to happen, then it will happen at some point. And if it never happens? That’s not a big deal either.

If your boyfriend isn’t ready to have sex yet, then you should never pressure him. I’m not saying that you are pressuring him, but I know how it hard it can be to slow it down once things get heated during a makeout sesh – especially if you’ve already done the deed. Don’t make him feel uncomfortable or awkward for not being ready to have sex. Think about how you would feel if the roles were reversed. Consider how you would want to be treated, and do that for him. If you really do love him and you’re willing to wait, than let him know that.

Keeping things PG-13 for now will only benefit you in the end. Your BF will really appreciate the fact that you’re so supportive of his decisions. If you don’t push things and let things happen when he feels totally comfortable, the experience will be that much better. You wouldn’t enjoy a hookup if you knew he weren’t totally into it, and so waiting until he’s ready is really your only option here.

As long as you don’t pressure him into anything, you shouldn’t have to worry about your boyfriend regretting his first time. People generally (but not always) regret their first time because they realize later that they weren’t ready for that level of intimacy. Don’t stress about not being good enough or about not making him feel good. Keep in mind that if or when your BF decides he’s ready to have sex with you, he’s choosing you for a reason – because he wants to.

And if he’s never ready to do it? That’s just not something you have a say in. Don’t take it personally. Everyone has their own reasons for remaining or for not remaining a virgin. It doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you. It could simply mean that he’s just not ready, and that’s fine.

However, if you feel like you need a relationship that includes sex, then maybe it’s time to end this one. You don’t want to put yourself in a position where you’re trying to talk your boyfriend into doing something he doesn’t want to do, and if you think that’s going to happen, then it’s best to remove yourself from the situation. Just give this some serious thought, because relationships can be great even without sex.

take care,

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Posted in: Help Me Heather, Love Advice
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  • charles

    Am a virgin and my girlfriend also we are very happy and non of us is ready to av sex now

  • Jack

    I’m in the situation described. 24 year old virgin guy. Like my girlfriend a lot. She has a high sex drive and we have been together for about 4 months. Exclusive for 1 month. She has basically said “take me (literally) or leave me”. I’m not ready for to give up my virginity so the situation is killing me. I don’t want to leave her, but I’m not ready. I whole-heartedly agree with the advice presented in this article.