Ask A Guy: Is It Bad That My BF Checks Out Other Girls?

boyfriend looking at other girls

Um, hellloooo?! | Source: ShutterStock

Dear Ethan,

I’m in a serious relationship with my best friend. He says that I’m the only girl he thinks about and cares about, but I’ve noticed him checking out other girls. Is it normal for guys to check out other girls even if they’re in a serious relationship? Does this mean he’s going to cheat on me? Why else would he look at them if he didn’t want to be with them? Help!!!!!

Assuming that he is totes into you, it’s still entirely normal for him to check out other girls. Ever since Grog caught a glimpse of Ug in her hot new leopard pelt as she bent over to cook that night’s sabre-tooth tiger steak, men have been, and always will be, visual creatures. And not only are men aroused by images more easily than women are, but we seem to be more sexually driven than women are. It’s a romantic notion to imagine a guy who shields his eyes from anyone but you, but such a guy is about as rare as Bigfoot.

Because it’s so typical, the fact that he looks at other women from time to time does not mean that he will cheat on you. Furthermore, trying to get an otherwise good guy to repress his natural instincts might only push him farther away.

However there is, of course, a fine line between “checking out” and “creepily oggling” other ladies. A quick glance at a bikini-clad babe passing by is one thing, but a prolonged staring session with your best friend is another. The point is that while you should cut his gazing some slack, he should also be showing some respect in your presence, appreciating you for the hot babe you are. If he can’t keep it classy, it’s time for a serious discussion.

Good luck!
Ethan

Ethan Fixell is a writer and comedian from New York City best known as one half of comic “dating coach” duo Dave and Ethan. He is also the creator and editor of ActualConversation.com. For more on Ethan, visit EthanFixell.com…or call his mom, Robin.

Are you confused about a guy? Do you find yourself wondering, “What is he thinking?” Tell us everything in the comments! And if you have a question for Ethan, email him at askaguy@gurl.com!

 

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Posted in: Ask A Guy, Love Advice
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29 Comments

  1. avatar ? says:

    My boyfriend and I of 3 yrs had a baby in July. A few days out of the hospital I dug through his phone and found quite a few pics he took of his penis. When I confronted him about it he said they were and that he was planning on sending them to me after I had the baby. He’s never sent me pics like that! Then he recently just switched phones so I dug in his old one and seen where he was searching for single girls around our area looking for sex. I never confronted him about that one BC if I do he will say he was looking it up for some guy he works with. He says he’s in love with me and if he wasn’t he wouldn’t have started a family with me. He has passwords to all my stuff BC I have nothing to hide. But when I ask him for his he says that I need to learn how to trust him. Its not that I dont trust him, i even told him if he doesn’t want to give me his passwords he can get on it and we can look it together. If there’s stuff on there from before we got together that’s fine, that was before. I just want him to show me that i can trust him. I’ve been cheated on a few times so this is why I’m like this. I really really love this man. Please help!!!

  2. avatar Navi says:

    So I am a brown girl with brown eyes and black hair so is my boyfriend whom I have been dating for four years and all the sudden tells me he finds blondes with blue eyes attractive and when he sees one he gets so excited and happy and lets me know he finds her attractive. It hurts makes me feel like he doesn’t like it, and sometimes he tells me what celebrities hes finds hot. I asked him to not say that stuff to me and he blew up on me cussed at me and said who am i to tell him what to do. His excuse was I like girls I am not guy. I feel like its a burden for him to stay with me and be committed to me and he said i don’t appreciate him and his loyalty when I am the one doing most of the calling texting attention compliments and loving. I love him and want him to like me back. I don’t see why he is with me if I am such a burden.

    • avatar Mo says:

      @Navi, Simply tell him what celebrities you find attractive, give him the taste of the old medicine.If he is aright with you saying that then you should be too but if not then you might need to face him about it.

  3. avatar Whit Warden says:

    A quick casual glance may be human nature, but to obviously CHECK OUT another woman
    when you’re with someone else is just plain RUDE.

  4. avatar Linsey says:

    My newly divorced bf (I’m his first since!) talks often about younger women, how he might get them; whether he wants more kids with a young woman (he’s 55!); tells me that women flirt with him, and he checks out women whenever we’re in public. He’s affluent and decent looking, but he’s as stingy as I’ve ever seen a man be! He has been a serial monogamist all his life, and I’m pretty good looking for our age group and I have developed some skills in bed he claims to have never before experienced. (Not saying much since I have more experience than he does!)

    But the reader above who said a man who blatantly looks at (all) other good-looking women is selfish has hit the nail on the head: my guy IS selfish. He interrupts me when I’m speaking; forgets personal things I’ve told him; doesn’t ask me questions about anything I tell him about my life; seems dependent and loving and the next minute, scares himself into putting distance between us. Talks more about his yacht than his kids. Talks more about his life before his marriage – 17 years ago! And has 0 ability to be romantic. I’m starting (after 6 weeks) to get glimpses of why his wife dumped him.

  5. avatar Estella says:

    I just think its disrespectful to stare one thing is to glance but if I catch him doimg it he’s obviously staring ill catch my bf looking straight at there asses its embarrasing I feel like shit when he does that :/

  6. avatar jordan says:

    Is it okay for a guy who is in a serious relationship to look up pictures of like kate Upton?? Even if he has naked pictures of his girlfriend? And is it okay for him to ask his girl best friend to send them to him?

  7. avatar Desiree says:

    Whoah, girl! This is totally unacceptable, you need to let him know straight up that the next time he does that, there will be consequences. If he truly loved and respected you then he wouldn’t do such things, but it seems like he doesn’t, so give him an ultimatum. Either he can stare and stare at those girls and be single, or stop looking and be in a relationship. Most gurls would call it controlling, but hey! He’s in a relationship with YOU and only YOU, he should have enough respect to cut the crap!

  8. avatar melissa says:

    If i guy is with you and he does alot of elevator stares ,googling at another slutty bitch ,or checking out her boobs or ass ,its a form of cheating ,slap him get rid of him because thats one of the ways to know men can be predicted to go behind your back and proceed into sexual actions ,btw sexting is also a form of cheating ,or cyber sex ,or hiding his phone from you ,or he puts a password on his phone, or going to meet his so called friend without a name for drinks ,has alot of sexy women on his facebook and chatting with him ,,,all men lie ,and come up with excuses ,so do exactly what he does to you right back ,an eye for an eye we call it ,if a man has to hide shit ,hes most likely to be hiding alot more ,just Likely been doing for a while ,and its very disrepectfull on his side of his games us women deserve the repect ,no lies and have some fucking morals

    • avatar Joe says:

      That’s to say he’s actually staring at the person, and you’re not just an insecure woman yourself that although he may be staring, there’s also a great deal of men who aren’t staring, or even looking at the slutty bitch you described in your comment. A lot of the times I’ve noticed people tend to feel jealosy, and anger towards a person who’s a 4, and just say they’re actually a ten in this example. You may feel although this girl has nothing going for her exept her ass may be showing with her mini mini skirt you quite possibly might have a thought your boyfriend might dig it so it starts to eat away until you mentally, and physically push the person who’s a good guy away, and now replacing him with someone just in spite of him. Making it seem quite logical that talking rationally to the person about it explaining your own insecurities or jealousies will actually move you forward in your relationship, and being mature, and positive might end in something actually worth it in the end like marriage. Quite frankly you don’t have to always be a player in this game some day you’ll want to actually win the game right? Just hear to speak I know I won’t win this this argument, but i feel as though it will be nice when I marry the woman I love, and ultimately win.

    • avatar Dionisio says:

      @Melissa. Thats not true one bit. All men look. Just like women look. But it does not mean he is going to cheat. We look because of our hormones. There is a saying, you can look but you cannot touch. I agree sexting, phone sex, cyber sex, and more are considered cheating but not looking. What you just said is very disrespectful. Just like if a man was to say that all women spread there legs for any man if they are horny. If isn’t true although it is easier for a woman to cheat because they have the pussy and can choose who gets in it. If the man is not attractive, then the man would be turned down. Nonetheless, you must have been hurt by someone or something but it does not give you the right to bash on a man like that. Just like women, not all men are bad.

  9. avatar Jamie says:

    Meh, you can look at the menu just don’t order anything off it.

  10. avatar Valerie says:

    I would be mad that he got caught lookin. If he got a hard on then that will be the worse part.
    I believe girls can look n boys can look..just dont get turned on by looking.

  11. avatar Jazmin says:

    gurl, please. hes not a boy, hes gay!

  12. avatar love? says:

    omg YOUR ASKING A GUY THIS!? no no no you dont ask guys this! havnt you ever seen guys in groups goin “mm look at those” or ” id love to tap that!” or even “SCORE!” you dont ask GUYS this

    • avatar Wendy says:

      The only time I ever had a problem with a guy checking out other girls was when my now dead ex commented to me about a childhood friend’s chest. Guys will look at other girls just as we girls will comment about other guys. It’s a fact of life. I think we should only take issue if the guy says something along the lines of “Whoa look at the rack on your friend there huh?!” Or he makes comments about girls when he’s walking down the street with you. then no that isn’t acceptable behavior. But Ethan does have a point. As long as a guy looks and doesn’t touch and doesn’t make what are highly inapropriate comments about other women TO you then men should be allowed to look same as women should be allowed to look.

    • avatar Jazmin says:

      gurl, wtf, hes not a guy, hes gay!

  13. avatar Trish says:

    Its hardly sexist. Y’know, because that’s how prehistoric society functioned. Sorry.

  14. avatar Elizabeth says:

    I’m sorry, but I think it’s disrespectful, especially if he gets hot if I notice a goodlooking fella.

    Don’t feed me the medicine you wouldn’t take.

    It may be natural for a man to look but its just as natural for me to walk the hell away from him and go to someone that appreciates and repects my presence.

    • avatar Gregsquatch says:

      Yes I know I’m a guy, and this is a girls website, but I don’t care.
      You are the definition of OAG. I have a girlfriend, and when I’m with her, I still check out other girls, and I can’t help it. Nor can any other guy in most of the world.

    • avatar lindsay says:

      Hell yea that was worded perfect!!

  15. avatar mayuri says:

    well is it okay for yo thik a guy is hot or secertly lookign pictures of shirtless guys ;) It goes for both if this guys love u no matter what and love ur insides ten dont worry.

    • avatar Ethan Fixell says:

      You should be able to look at all the photos of shirtless men you want, Mayuri! Get crazy!

      -Ethan

  16. avatar Emily says:

    “as she bent over to cook that night’s sabre-tooth tiger steak”… sexist much?

  17. avatar Emma says:

    “as she bent over to cook that night’s sabre-tooth tiger steak”……
    Ethan, I hope this sexism was unintentional. I seriously hope so.

    • avatar Brie says:

      It was obviously intentional, at least for me. It was funny.

    • avatar ashley says:

      i think its pretty obvious it was intentional. it made me laugh.

    • avatar Ethan Fixell says:

      Ha, yeah, thanks Brie + Ashley — that line was a joke about gender roles in prehistoric times. Thankfully our society has come a long way since the days of “hunter men” and “gatherer women”… Didn’t mean to offend, Emma — I’ll cook you a steak anytime!

      -Ethan

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