Lupe Fiasco released a new video called “Bad Bitch” and I am crazy intrigued. I think what the video shows is a kind of “bitch trap” that is so easy to fall into. I would even go so far as to say most of us will fall into it, at one point or another, without realizing.

What I think Lupe does really well in the video is show how both girls AND guys get caught up in all this b-word confusion. It’s so easy for girls to want to be attractive to guys. We all want companionship, right? For many of us that can mean having a BF. That’s totally fine. But a lot of us get a little lost along the way because we see these images of women, being sexual, wearing a tiny bit of clothes, wearing a ton of makeup and we think, “Oh, that’s what guys want. That’s what I’m supposed to do! I really like him and I want him to like me so it wouldn’t be such a big deal if I make myself look this way!” The desire to be wanted doesn’t come from a negative place, but it gets turned into something negative.

That pretty girl, dancing and being sexual, is also being called a “bitch” by a man. That word coming from a man is usually not meant in positive terms. Especially when the gorgeous girl is only there to grind up on him–not to offer all those other things that she wants to offer a guy (like her amazing sense of humor, love of contemporary literature, or Dr. Who fan fiction). That girl is only showing that guy one side of her, her sexual side. That guy is only calling her one thing a “bitch”.

This is why guys get caught up in the “bitch trap” too. They see a video with that girl being called a “bitch” and they think, “Oh, well bitch isn’t really a nice word. That guy is calling that girl a bitch. I guess that’s how I’m supposed to treat girls who look like bitches because they are clearly only good for one thing: sex.”

There are no “bitches” or “sluts”. There are some seriously confused people, though. | ShutterStock.com

It all basically sucks because everyone ends up confused. Girls think guys only want “bitches”, guys think girls who look a certain way (or worse, all women) are “bitches”. The result is that we miss out. Some girls miss out on who they really are and how they truly want to look because they want to find that special someone. Other girls get degraded and humiliated because they just want to look a certain way. Guys miss out because they end up thinking girls are sexual objects without any other qualities. Women end up getting the short end of the stick because we live in a male-dominated culture, where men have the power to withhold jobs, opportunities, and respect because they decided that we’re bitches.

The good news is that while it is easy to fall into the “bitch trap” it’s also not too hard to get out of it. Just think about what your motivation is. Am I doing this just to get that guy’s attention? And if I am, am I going to feel hurt or ashamed because of it? And if I feel that way is it because I feel that way or my peers are making me feel that way? Getting out of the bitch trap doesn’t mean you stop flirting, being sexual, or wearing crop tops–it means you think about your decisions, that you own them, and that you make them without being influenced by other people’s needs.

“Bitch” can mean a lot of nasty, hurtful things to women, which is why our feminist fore-mothers took the word back. Now tons of women use the term to empower themselves. “Yeah, I’m the baddest bitch, and what?!” “I’m the H.B.I.C.: Head Bitch In Charge!”

Yep, we can counteract the “bitch trap” by declaring we are “bitches”. All of this stuff can get super complicated and thinking about it only makes it more complicated!

So tell me what you think of the “bitch trap” and the video! Do you like the video? Do you think that “bitch” can be empowering for women? Do you think rap music degrades women? Do you think it’s easy for guys to get confused by the way women are portrayed on TV, movies, and in music? Let us know in the comments!