If you’ve ever worried that it’s SERIOUSLY GROSS for a guy to go down on a girl, don’t. It’s not gross. How do I know this? Because I’ve done it.
Let me explain.
Like just about every single woman on planet Earth, I used to feel immensely guilty when a guy would go down on me. I mean sure it felt AMAZING (except when this one guy did it–yikes, dude) but I could never fully enjoy it, totally consumed with thoughts of OMG does it smell gross? Taste awful? Is this so horrendous for him?! After a few mintues I’d just give into my neurosis and pull him back up.
The older I got, the more I convinced myself that going down on a girl was the worst thing a guy could experience in his entire life. This wasn’t a two-way street, however. I happily went down on guys and always enjoyed it. But for some reason I was wracked with guilt if a guy tried to reciprocate.
And then, I hooked up with a girl. I’ve always been a little on the bi-curious side and once I moved out of my stifling small town to the big city, I was able to explore side of myself (and other people. OH, SNAP!) that I’d always wanted to.
Her name was Marni and she was in town visiting our mutual friend. It was St. Patrick’s day and after a crazy night out the talk turned to sex and dudes and then, to my surprise, girls. Marni had had several threesomes and a few girl-on-girl encounters (that sounds so porn-y even though it shouldn’t– doesn’t it–girl-on-girl?) and–long drunken story short–we ended up back at my apartment together.
Just to clear up any confusion, lesbian encounters do not involve strap-ons. Well, at least not usually. Porn wants you to believe otherwise, but hooking up with a chick is similar to hooking up with a dude, only you stop at oral or touching and rubbing because, well, that’s as far as you can go. Unless you want to slap together some ludicrous contraption. “Hey wait here–lemme just get a banana, a few leather belts, a soldering iron and some industrial staples. BRB!” I mean…that seems like a LOT of thought, right?!.
So there we were, hooking up when the moment I both dreaded and anticipated arrived: it was time for me to go down on her. We had been out all night dancing, so I assumed that whatever I was about to encounter south of the border was going to be even more awful and sweaty than it usually might be.
I WAS SO WRONG.
Seriously girls, I was sooooo wrong. First of all, it does not smell. Not bad, anyway. It has this kind of musty, sharp scent that taps into and turns on some primal part of you, like how a baby’s cry can make its mother lactate. OK that’s a super gross example but you get my point. The girl’s scent is meant to entice you on a very earthy, instinctual level.
Secondly, it tastes great! I mean it’s not exactly Nutella flavored but again, the taste isn’t what you’d expect. It’s warm and tangy and smooth and slippery.
Thirdly, the way you lay when you go down on a girl is FAR more comfortable than whatever position you’re in giving a blow job. Plus, you don’t have this giant wonky thing ramming the back of your throat, making you gag while you simultaneously worry about your teeth scraping him and doing stuff with his balls etc etc–look ladies, there’s a reason it’s called a JOB, amirite?!
And here’s something I did not expect about giving a girl oral: I was friggin’ great at it. All those years of receiving it made me unconsciously prepared to give it. I felt like Harry Potter discovering he could speak Parseltongue. Who knew!
So here’s my overall decree when it comes to oral: DO. NOT. FEEL. GUILTY. It’s so lovely to perform on a girl. I’d say I’m 85 percent into boys, 15 percent into girls, but I still find myself jolted by a craving to go down on a girl more often than you’d think.
Since Marni, I’ve done it a few other times in threesomes and such, and I have yet to encounter a girl who tastes/smells bad, grosses me out or anything of that nature.
So ladies, if your man is heading downtown–LET HIM. And if for some reason he doesn’t feel the need to venture into your netherparts with his mouthy mouth–DUMP HIM. And come see me instead!
Have you ever performed oral sex on another girl? Are you shy about having someone give you oral sex? Tell us in the comments!