I lost my virginity a couple months ago and I’m 15. I have always told my mom that I would tell her if I lost it. When I said that, I was obviously younger and to be honest, I didn’t think it would happen so soon. I don’t regret doing it, because I loved the guy I did it with.
Every now and then I have the sudden urge to tell my mom the truth: that I’m not a virgin. But I’m scared of what she’ll say and how she’ll react! She already told me that she’d be disappointed because I’m so young and I know that’s why I’m keeping it from her. But I want to go on the pill to be safe. What should I do? Ugh. Help!
Telling your mom about losing your virginity is totally your decision. Your virginity is your business and no one else’s – not even your parents. If you want to be honest with her, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that, but you also shouldn’t feel like you have an obligation to tell her. If what you did made you happy and you don’t regret your decision, no one should make you feel guilty about it.
If you and your mom have always been close in the past and you feel like you’d really like to share this with her, then by all means go for it. I’m not going to lie and tell you it’s not going to be awkward – it probably will be, at least a little bit. But if it’s important to you that you tell her, then you should do it. Let your mom know you need to talk to her about something. Sit her down and start off by saying that you don’t want her to get mad or upset, but you need to be honest with her about something. Then just be honest: tell her you had sex, but you don’t regret it and you’re happy with your decision.
Explain to her that you’re telling her because you love her and it’s important to you that you two maintain a good relationship. Saying things like that might soften the blow and comfort her. If she freaks out or gets upset, try not to take it too personally. For a mom, hearing something like that can be hard. She might not necessarily be ready to see you grow up yet. Hopefully in time she’ll relax and adjust to the idea.
As for going on the pill, that’s something you’ll also have to bring up. Once again, tell her the truth: you want to go on the pill to keep yourself safe. If she says no or you decide not to tell her any of this in the first place, know that you can get the pill from a Planned Parenthood near you without your mom’s permission. Also keep in mind that now that you’ve had sex, you should definitely go to a gynecologist, if you haven’t been to one already. That’s another thing you can talk about with your mom or at Planned Parenthood.
The main thing to keep in mind is that if you decide to tell your mom, you need to just be honest and open with her, and remind her that you love her and just want to confide in her. And if you decide not to tell her, that’s fine too. It’s totally up to you.
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