10 Toys That Were Secretly Birth Control

Some argue that giving girls babydolls as toys is a way to enforce gender roles from an early age and that is probably the case most of the time. However, for us, there were a few toys that had just the opposite effect on our vulnerable little girl minds. All those “fun” toys that required the same amount of time, effort, and patience as a real child were a sure fire way to keep me away from babies altogether. I killed at least ten Tamagotchis in elementary school and every time it was as traumatic as losing a real child (OK, maybe not…actually, definitely not). Much like taking care of a real kid, these toys were just a little too intense (or perhaps I was a little neurotic as a kid . . . and an adult) and totally served as the best incentive for birth control ever.

Play Pal Dolls

Your daughter, who will inevitably look just like you, will try to steal your identity by wearing your clothes, sleeping in your bed, and plotting against you with Johnny Play Pal.

Furby Babies

I got two for Christmas one year because I was excited that they could talk to each other. Aside from the fact that my older brother programmed them to call me “Daddy” this was a nightmare. Yeah, they talked to each other–in the middle of the night! Even after I turned them OFF. These babes were chatterboxes speaking a crazy demonic language. Just like real babies!

Tamagotchi

Again, too traumatic. These were banned from my elementary school so my mom was supposed to take care of them during the day. She didn’t. They died. Teaching me my baby will die if I don’t take care of it is a lesson way too real for a nine-year-old.

Baby Alive

Remind me how cleaning up poop is fun?

Betsy Wetsy

Bathing a child is fun! Right?

Little Mommy

She has a boo boo? Now I have to worry about this toy’s safety! I trip, like, 30 times a day. I can barely take care of myself.

Magic Potty Baby

Fun with urine. When your baby has a bowel movement it’s going to be a super fun blast!

Lost N Founds

These animals are crying? I’m only eight years old and I am responsible for another living thing’s happiness? It’s just a lot to process!

Baby Born

One doll with every bodily function = hours of fun. Baby needs to eat. Baby needs to play. Baby has to pee. Baby has to poo. No, Mom, I can’t go outside and play right now, baby NEEDS me!

Sea Monkeys

You could never really see them, yet somehow you always knew they were all . . . dead.

Did you have a favorite doll as a kid? Let us know in the comments!

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Posted in: Stuff We Heart
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  • Slendergirl

    wow. that is. wow. ok, well, im gonna go sit in a corner, and laugh till i pass out. it’s so true. well, bye!

  • Roxxy

    And they wonder why girls are having babies at a young age:: “When I grow up, I wanna be a mommy!!! You can be a mommy now!!” At least when you actually make a baby, you can have a little fun making it! These dolls are responsible for The Baby Boomers!!!!!!

  • Laura

    I personally LOVE all these toys! I was always the girl that wanted nothing more than a baby sister or brother & then when I got older (I’m 25), a son or daughter! My room was, & honestly still is, filled with TONS of dolls! Nothing made me happier than to take care of my babies! My absolute favorites are my (mom’s) Gerber baby (which I still take with me everywhere, like for trips & everything), Suzy Snapshot, Twist & Style Tiffany, Rainbow Hair doll, Jenny Gymnast, Tumble Baby, & Dreamland Baby (although mine had the nappiest hair! You’d brush it & 2 seconds later, it was all tangled up again!)!

  • 4evrmileyfan13

    0:24 on the Lost N Founds, it says “Never leave them alone.” That’s scary!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • TrendyNerdLuvMB

    THE PLA PAL DOLL IS SCARRY AT THE BEGINNING!

    I ALMOST THOUGT I WOULD HAVE NIGHTMARES.

    - <8^(

  • Mirra

    I had sea monkeys once. they were really cool. I would even buy them now :)

  • Lovesfairdream

    I have gigapets when I was 8,9-12.
    I thought the were the stuff. I also had DivaStars the 1st version.

  • Jessica

    I never had baby dolls (ones that cry,etc.) when I was little because they scared me. The only dolls I had was a doll named Jessica (whose eyes shut) and a Chatty Kathy (something like that) who talked.
    I have always not wanted kids.

  • Kitty

    I had furby babies. I got two for Christmas. After a week or so I had take the batteries out. They never shit up…

  • libby

    i had a baby born when i switched it off simples! :D

    • libby

      i meant when it got on my nerves i switched it off simples! :D

  • basschick

    well for some kids it is fun having that sort of ‘choice’ to have a responsibility. but i think my aunt had a baby born when i was little. i remember it crying and her telling us how it was annoying cuz it never shut up and to just ignore it…. now i realize how horrible that is. O.o (she was older than us, but still a kid.

  • Sierra

    I had sea monkeys before and they all ate each other and then died.

  • lizzy

    The first doll i ever had i think was a chu-chu doll and it was about the size of my baby brother. (My mom used it to test out her baby sling)

  • Michelle

    I had sea monkeys once, they breed like rabbits! =]

  • Ally

    Meh. i started hating babies when i saw them terrorising every shopping centre i walked into.

  • AwkwardActress

    I totally wanted a PlayPal as a kid. I didn’t they existed of course, they’re from my mom’s time, but I wanted a doll my size who I could dress up in my clothes and all that.

  • nikkib

    omigosh this is crazy i never realised it