Some argue that giving girls babydolls as toys is a way to enforce gender roles from an early age and that is probably the case most of the time. However, for us, there were a few toys that had just the opposite effect on our vulnerable little girl minds. All those “fun” toys that required the same amount of time, effort, and patience as a real child were a sure fire way to keep me away from babies altogether. I killed at least ten Tamagotchis in elementary school and every time it was as traumatic as losing a real child (OK, maybe not…actually, definitely not). Much like taking care of a real kid, these toys were just a little too intense (or perhaps I was a little neurotic as a kid . . . and an adult) and totally served as the best incentive for birth control ever.
Play Pal Dolls
Your daughter, who will inevitably look just like you, will try to steal your identity by wearing your clothes, sleeping in your bed, and plotting against you with Johnny Play Pal.
I got two for Christmas one year because I was excited that they could talk to each other. Aside from the fact that my older brother programmed them to call me “Daddy” this was a nightmare. Yeah, they talked to each other–in the middle of the night! Even after I turned them OFF. These babes were chatterboxes speaking a crazy demonic language. Just like real babies!
Again, too traumatic. These were banned from my elementary school so my mom was supposed to take care of them during the day. She didn’t. They died. Teaching me my baby will die if I don’t take care of it is a lesson way too real for a nine-year-old.
Remind me how cleaning up poop is fun?
Bathing a child is fun! Right?
She has a boo boo? Now I have to worry about this toy’s safety! I trip, like, 30 times a day. I can barely take care of myself.
Magic Potty Baby
Fun with urine. When your baby has a bowel movement it’s going to be a super fun blast!
Lost N Founds
These animals are crying? I’m only eight years old and I am responsible for another living thing’s happiness? It’s just a lot to process!
One doll with every bodily function = hours of fun. Baby needs to eat. Baby needs to play. Baby has to pee. Baby has to poo. No, Mom, I can’t go outside and play right now, baby NEEDS me!
You could never really see them, yet somehow you always knew they were all . . . dead.
Did you have a favorite doll as a kid? Let us know in the comments!