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Should he always pay? | Source: ShutterStock
My boyfriend always comes and picks me up and drops me off, and he pays for everything we do together. He says it’s not a problem, but I still feel bad. So my question is, how do guys really feel about paying for stuff?
We’ll always welcome offers of financial contributions, but paying for the first few dates is not only a simple (though admittedly archaic) way for guys to show off as providers, it’s the gentlemanly thing to do. And let’s be honest here: what girl doesn’t want to be wooed?
That’s not to say a dude should be presenting you with a gold-drizzled bouquet of four-dozen roses at the start of every night (though if he is, congratulations on your new stalker!), but taking care of those first few movies or light meals goes a long way.
However, it’s also a nice gesture for the lady to pay for the third or fourth date. Explain to your guy how much you appreciate his chivalry, and that you’d like to reciprocate. Your plan doesn’t have to be extravagant – lunch, a movie, or a bowling date are all fun, cheap ways to treat him. Or, you can just be firm about chipping in for whatever you decide to embark on together. Most of the time, we don’t expect you to pay – we just want you to offer. Whether your guy accepts immediately or protests for days, your efforts will always be valued.
Once you’re deeper into the relationship, who pays for what depends entirely on your own personal arrangement. For example, if your boyfriend simply has more disposable income than you, he might pay for a meal out on Friday, and you can prepare the meal in on Sunday. Ultimately, as long as he feels appreciated, a truly smitten guy should enjoy pampering his ladyfriend on a regular basis.
So wake your man with pancakes on his birthday, and go dutch at The Dark Knight Rises, but don’t be afraid to allow him to play the baller and crown you with some hot new bling-bling now and then.
Good luck!
Ethan
Ethan Fixell is a writer and comedian from New York City best known as one half of comic “dating coach” duo Dave and Ethan. He is also the creator and editor of ActualConversation.com. For more on Ethan, visit EthanFixell.com…or call his mom, Robin.
Are you confused about a guy? Do you find yourself wondering, “What is he thinking?” Tell us everything in the comments! And if you have a question for Ethan, email him at askaguy@gurl.com!
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if the guy asked the girl on a date then its important that the guy pays at the end.. i was on a date with a guy once and he asked me to pay afterwards, i slapped him round the face and left. it found it so bloody rude and cried myself to sleep that night because i liked him so so much and blew my chance.
I’m not “wooed” by a man because of his money. I’m wooed by a man who’ll take the time to listen to me or have a meaningful conversation with me. Chivalry is honestly not that important to me at all. A man can be chivalrous with his girlfriend in public and beat her in private. The concept of chivalry is very superficial and surface level because there’s more to a functional relationship than a man being the “provider”.
Not to mention the latter is outdated and implies gender roles in a society that should be evolving with gender equality.
sounds like someone has not found the right guy, chivalry is all that should matter
This is just plain wrong. Gender equality is not just in the workplace and the classroom, it’s also on the first date. If you judge a man who splits the check (or let’s you pay), you are in the wrong. Sound out your justification—really, speak it aloud—and you’ll hear how silly and outdated you sound.
No because that will be dumb question