I recently lost my virginity to my FWB, he was also a virgin. I didn’t really know what to expect after, but I just assumed that we would continue being friends with benefits.
Well, it’s been over a week and he hasn’t talked to me at all. We have class together every day and we even sit next to each other! I know he doesn’t regret having sex because he told me the next day, so I really don’t know whats wrong. Did I do something wrong? Should I confront him or just give him some time? I’m really worried and confused. Please help!
Ugh. I can totally understand your confusion here, girl. It really stinks when someone you’ve been intimate with starts ignoring you. But don’t feel like you’re alone here – this is a situation that a lot of girls find themselves in every day. Unfortunately, losing your virginity or having sex with someone doesn’t always have a fairytale ending like it does in the movies.
I can’t tell you for sure what’s going on with this dude, since I don’t know him. Sometimes, having sex can make a person feel a little awkward, scared or nervous. Your FWB could be a little freaked out by what happened. It’s possible that he thinks you want a more serious relationship right now, and he doesn’t feel that way. He might be distancing himself from you because he doesn’t want to give you the wrong idea.
Or maybe he feels a little weird about how intimate you guys were. Since that was his first time, he could be feeling nervous that he did something wrong and he might feel a little bit embarrassed. He might feel totally awkward around you because he doesn’t know how to act now that you two have done the deed.
Either way, there’s no excuse for the way he’s treating you right now. Ignoring you after having sex with you just isn’t cool no matter how freaked out he may be. If you want, give him another few days and see if he says anything. Then you definitely need to talk to him. Throw him a casual text (simply, “Hey, what’s up” will do) and see how he responds. If he doesn’t answer, ask him what’s going on, preferably in person. Explain to him that you’re upset that he’s been blowing you off and you’re feeling super confused.
The important thing here is to be honest with him. If you want to keep being FWB, let him know that you had a good time and you’re hoping it can happen again. If you want to be more than that, you need to tell him.
The truth is, there are guys out there who just use girls for sex. If that’s the case here, you’ll only find out by trying to talk to him. If he completely ignores all of your attempts to talk, than he’s a jerk and he doesn’t deserve your time or attention. The main thing to remember is that this is not your fault. You didn’t do anything wrong! Sex can be complicated and messy, and if a guy is going to bolt after doing it, there’s something wrong with his maturity level – it’s not about you.
What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at firstname.lastname@example.org