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Hi Heather,
I recently lost my virginity to my FWB, he was also a virgin. I didn’t really know what to expect after, but I just assumed that we would continue being friends with benefits.
Well, it’s been over a week and he hasn’t talked to me at all. We have class together every day and we even sit next to each other! I know he doesn’t regret having sex because he told me the next day, so I really don’t know whats wrong. Did I do something wrong? Should I confront him or just give him some time? I’m really worried and confused. Please help!
Ugh. I can totally understand your confusion here, girl. It really stinks when someone you’ve been intimate with starts ignoring you. But don’t feel like you’re alone here – this is a situation that a lot of girls find themselves in every day. Unfortunately, losing your virginity or having sex with someone doesn’t always have a fairytale ending like it does in the movies.
I can’t tell you for sure what’s going on with this dude, since I don’t know him. Sometimes, having sex can make a person feel a little awkward, scared or nervous. Your FWB could be a little freaked out by what happened. It’s possible that he thinks you want a more serious relationship right now, and he doesn’t feel that way. He might be distancing himself from you because he doesn’t want to give you the wrong idea.
Or maybe he feels a little weird about how intimate you guys were. Since that was his first time, he could be feeling nervous that he did something wrong and he might feel a little bit embarrassed. He might feel totally awkward around you because he doesn’t know how to act now that you two have done the deed.
Trust us – he’s so not worth your tears. | Source: ShutterStock
Either way, there’s no excuse for the way he’s treating you right now. Ignoring you after having sex with you just isn’t cool no matter how freaked out he may be. If you want, give him another few days and see if he says anything. Then you definitely need to talk to him. Throw him a casual text (simply, “Hey, what’s up” will do) and see how he responds. If he doesn’t answer, ask him what’s going on, preferably in person. Explain to him that you’re upset that he’s been blowing you off and you’re feeling super confused.
The important thing here is to be honest with him. If you want to keep being FWB, let him know that you had a good time and you’re hoping it can happen again. If you want to be more than that, you need to tell him.
The truth is, there are guys out there who just use girls for sex. If that’s the case here, you’ll only find out by trying to talk to him. If he completely ignores all of your attempts to talk, than he’s a jerk and he doesn’t deserve your time or attention. The main thing to remember is that this is not your fault. You didn’t do anything wrong! Sex can be complicated and messy, and if a guy is going to bolt after doing it, there’s something wrong with his maturity level – it’s not about you.
take care,
Heather
What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at heather@gurl.com
This girl totally regrets losing her virginity. Read Heather’s advice
Before making someone a villain, a question that needs to be asked is whether the writer has approached the guy. In the old days of patriarchy, it was up to the guy to “make the first move”, but the modern world of strong women is different. The writer can also approach the boy, and I am glad that the writer suggested this. Also – A MAN’S ATTENTION DOES NOT DETERMINE A WOMAN’S VALUE. If he is ignoring her – it does not change her character and worth (and vice versa).
Judging by the writer’s comment, it seems there is an awkwardness on both parties and it is equally up to both parties to try and figure out where they are now at after having sex. If either party does not want to do that, then unfortunately…. perhaps the friendship was not really there. And that sucks.
twoGurl!
Don’t you worry, find yourself another FWB.So many Horny d_cks out there looking for such lucrative deal.Sometimes guys don’t know what they want.
I know people today are busy pursuing a career, college and working part time, sometimes full time.Also, Single mothers out there that are working or going to school and need a Boy Toy to play around with.. Heather, don’t feel bad, you never did wrong just that guy didn’t have his priorities straight or he changed his mind at the last second with other options.I remember being in college and having my FWB deal with this chick that she’s now married and has a child.But we had great uncommitted,monogomous sex and we practiced and explore with each other.We felt physically attracted to one another,but had different goals and sometimes personality wise we weren’t there, but we loved to screwed our brains out and felt good because sometimes you get busy with your schedules, but when there was a gap we got together to get off with each other and relax our stressed out lives and challenges.Hopefully you either come across a BF or if not a FWB that you two could enjoy each other companies and practice Safe sex.
FWB??? WTF did you expect? No commitment is the entire point of a FWB. That’s exactly what FWB’s are for. Sex without the commitment. This just shows you’re not mature enough to be having sex.
Heather, you were right on right up till you suggest to text “whats up?”
If this guy doesn’t have the balls to approach then the little girl having sex is going to have to step up. There’s a better way than sending a text message or making it a confrontation. How about making it an invitation? The next time the little girl is going out to the mall, park, game, concert, rave, or whatever; all she has to do is tell him she’s going and invite him. Chances are he will say yes. If the answer is no then it would be more appropriate for a question like “Do you remember when we got together the other night?” He’ll respond, and she can respond back “We can still be friends.”
Unless he’s a total douche he should respond positively. If he is a total douche then I guess it serve you right for choosing an idiot to crack your legs open for.
wow,thats messed up. no girl should be treated like that.if i was you, id get rid of him.find another fwb
I can DEFINITELY relate to this. The same exact thing happened to me. When I did talk to him, though, he texted, “Maybe it was just a one-time thing..” That threw me off cuz I wasn’t even pushing the sex topic. I wanted to get to know him more on a friendship level and he wasn’t being honest with me. A year later, he decides to apologize to me. I said ok… It was tough trying to trust him and I knew it. Then we fooled around once more (no sex, just touching) and he kinda started using the “I’m busy, maybe some other time” excuse again. So, I just cut him off for good. Moral of the story: Don’t let a guy devalue you!