So . . . Is He Your Boyfriend Or Not?

Is he your boyfriend? Time to define your relationship!

Is he or isn’t he?! | Source: Shutterstock

“He loves me, he loves me not?” Who has a freakin’ daisy when you need one?

It’s always exciting to meet a new guy and feel a connection. You laugh at the same dorky jokes and listen to the same music. Wait–ZOMG. You may have found your other half! So now you’re dating, kissing and maybe even doing… other things. Every time you hang out you’re even more sure that he’s perfect for you.

So . . . is he your boyfriend? Let’s explore.

Even if it freaks you out, it seems like it’s time to have a DTR talk, a Defining The Relationship conversation. The only way to know if you’re really in a committed relationship is that you both verbally agreed to commit. Short of that, almost anything goes. Without bothering to define your relationship, you’re in the Wild Wild West of relationship territory.

In the meanwhile, we present this handy dandy “Is He My Boyfriend” Cheat Sheet:

He MIGHT BE your boyfriend if…

He speaks about the two of you being together in the future tense.
If you’re half of a couple, the plan is generally to continue dating. Someone who considers you his girlfriend will often have joined plans for the two of you. If he uses phrases like: when “we get back from break” or “next semester we should,” then he just might be your dude.

He’s NOT your boyfriend if…

You are a secret.
You’ve been seeing each other intensely for months and you’ve never met a friend or family member? OR you only get together for sexy hookups? Not to throw a paranoia blanket on your hot and heavy parade but that’s pretty suspicious. Anyone really crushing on you will want to blend you with the rest of his life. If none of his peeps know you exist, you are NOT his girlfriend.

He MIGHT BE your boyfriend if…

Ask him, girl! | Source: Shutterstock

You have standing dates.
No need to make plans on Saturday; that’s when you guys always hang out. Wednesdays you’re together for that TV show too. If you both have blocks of time in your schedule dedicated to each other without even asking, then you may already be in a relationship.

He’s NOT your boyfriend if…

He never asked you to stop dating other people.
If the person you think is your BF doesn’t know or care if you’re still seeing other people then he’s probably not your man. So, last week you went to the movies with that guy in the band. This week you may go to a concert with that cute skater? If you’re seeing other people, you should assume he is too.

The real deal…
The ONLY way to know if you’re really a couple is to talk about it. Sure it may feel majorly awkward but the bonding experience of being so vulnerable will make you closer if that’s where you’re heading anyway. When it comes to love, ALWAYS err on the side of clarity.

And if you try to define your relationship and he’s all, “Duh, obvi I’m your boyfriend,” great! It’s better to over-communicate than to under-communicate. If he avoids having any sort of Defining The Relationship talk then he’s TOTALLY NOT your boyfriend. Likewise if he refers to you as his homie, BFF or friend. Those are all bad news bears.

Good luck, chica. And you know what? Even if he doesn’t want to be your boyfriend, remember that you’ve got tons of GIRLFRIENDS right here at

So, have you ever wondered if a guy was your boyfriend? How do you define your relationships? Do you think there are any better signs to tell if he is your boyfriend? Tell me in the comments!

How Long Do You Wait To Call Him Your Boyfriend?

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  • Mandi

    So it’s been almost 6 months. I’ve met his roommates, quite a few friends, coworkers (he took me to his company holiday party), and he’s sent his family pictures of us together. His friend calls me his girlfriend and he doesn’t correct him and he even took me out on Valentine’s Day. Heck, I’ve even got my own bag of stuff at his house. HOWEVER, he’s only met my mom, hasn’t met any of my friends or coworkers, and the last time we had the DTR conversation I got a resounding “I don’t know.” He had told me back when we met he didn’t want a serious relationship but then he started acting like we were dating. We did have a talk and he said any time he gets in a relationship and he labels it “things go terribly.” I told him that could be because of the girls he was dating. I’m in my mid-20’s. I’m WELL past the “It needs to be Facebook official” thing. Honestly, I just want the label to know HE isn’t seeing other people and he knows I’M not seeing other people. Am I stupid for staying this long with no definition? I mean I don’t think he’s seeing other girls (I’m with him almost every night after work) but I am wondering if I need to tell him I need a label or I’m walking.

  • Brigitta

    He says he likes me alot, but he cant DTR. 5 months down and only his flat mate knows about me.

  • Nick

    My ex n I are still committed and do everything together like couples. We both know we don’t see other people. Doesn’t that mean we are together?

  • delight

    what if he is always for a kiss

  • kiara

    How can I tell if we’re dating…. I’ve been talking to this guy for 4 months now & we do everything couples do but he hasn’t asked me out so what should I do?

  • Sammie

    What if you ask him to DTR and he says he’s not sure what we are…?

  • ayeyotre

    We’ve only been seeing each other for a month and he has to go away for school soon, but he always talks about me going to visit him and us spending time together when he comes back. What does it mean?

  • elbell20

    what if he only shows you off to his friends and his parents dont know u exist