If you have the misfortune of going to a hockey game with me, I hope you bring earplugs. I morph from oh-so-sweet Southern belle to a screaming, hollering lunatic. If you’re anything like me (i.e., super into sports) you know that you can’t always keep it 100 when you’re in the presence of others…
Getting Stuck with Crappy Seats
She said: Do you want to switch with me? I know how you like the aisle and everything.
She meant: I don’t give an F what seat you like—I need to be able to see the kick off, you don’t even care! You’re on Instagram right now!
Your Favorite Player Getting Injured
She said: Ha ha, yeah you’re right. The team will be totally fine without him. Ha…ha.
She meant: OH MY GOD THIS IS A TRAGEDY! My fantasy team is as good as dead. Seriously dude, you can’t walk off a compound shin fracture? Ugh. Wuss.
When Someone Tries to Talk to You
She said: Huh? What? Sorry it’s super hard to hear above this music and, like, the cheerleaders and stuff.
She meant: I let you talk through The Dark Knight Rises. I let you talk through The Bachelorette finale. But I draw the line at the game. Shut up or ship out!
In Line at the Snack Bar Behind Someone Who’s Slow
She said: Sigh. Sigh. SIGH. SIGH.
She meant: OH MY GOD JUST PICK SOMETHING. IT’S ALL GROSS JUST CHOOSE A SNACK AND GTFO! I’m gonna miss the play of the game!
When Your BF Comes With You
She said: Oh shoot, darn it! He totally fumbled that pass! Aw heck!
She meant: #*%$! You stupid little %$#*, I will break your #@$* face and *#%* your whole life up!
When Your Team Loses
She said: Hmph. No, I’m fine, I’m fine. I’m just gonna, um, go home and…study.
She meant: I need to be alone with my searing disappointment and eat my feelings for awhile…and of course, rearrange my fantasy team.
What’s the last game you went to? What’s your favorite thing about being at the game? And the most annoying? Tell me in the comments!