I’m just sort of wondering how I can tone down the jealousy I seem to be feeling lately. My boyfriend and I are doing fantastic together, so I’m uncertain of what to do. It has been a good chunk of time, and we’re planning for it to stay that way, but I still can’t shake off this feeling I have. He isn’t acting on anything, and I don’t expect him to, but other girls want to either get in his pants or get his general attention. It’s rather annoying, for him and me.
I’m a little worried about him cheating or leaving me, but mostly I just want to freak out on every one of those girls to make sure they understand he’s not their boyfriend. Does that make sense? What would be some ways that I could get rid of that jealous feeling, or at least tone it down? I don’t want to ruin things.
Ah, the green-eyed-monster… it happens to the best of us, girl. Everyone gets jealous from time to time, so while it definitely stinks, it’s also pretty normal. As long as your envy isn’t making you act crazy or irrational, a little jealousy is okay in a relationship and can usually be expected.
Unfortunately, I can’t give you a foolproof solution on how to get rid of jealousy. What it really comes down to is feeling confident in yourself and your relationship – which means feeling like you can totally trust your man no matter what. It can take time to build that kind of trust, and even then, you might still feel a little envious at times. But I can give you some tips on how to calm yourself down the next time you’re feeling particularly angry about these girls.
First of all, keep in mind that your boyfriend is with you for a reason – because he wants to be! If he wanted to be with those other girls, he would probably break up with you. And if he were cheating, you would probably be able to see some warning signs… it doesn’t sound like you’re seeing any of those. If you and your BF are doing great together, then don’t let outside people affect your relationship. Yeah, it’s super rude of those girls to flirt with your boyfriend. But as long as he’s not flirting back, then just ignore them. Eventually they’ll realize that he’s not going anywhere, and they’ll back off. Starting a fight with them is only going to make things really dramatic and much worse.
If one of the girls is really crossing the line, consider asking your BF to say something to her. It doesn’t have to be anything crazy, just something simple like, “Hey, I have a girlfriend. I’m not interested.” Maybe if he says something like that, the girl will take the major hint and go away. But if these girls aren’t actually flirting and you just know they like him, there’s not much you can do. Other girls might have crushes on your boyfriend, and you can’t change their feelings. As long as he’s not crushing back, that’s all that matters.
As I said before, the main thing you can do here is feel confident in your relationship. The next time you feel furious at those girls, just remind yourself that he’s your boyfriend, not theirs. If you repeat it a few times in your head, I think you’ll feel more calm – and probably luckier than those girls!
What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at firstname.lastname@example.org