My boyfriend and I dated for a while and we broke up recently. I was really, really upset about it. But only a week after we ended things, he started hanging out with another girl and a few weeks later they became boyfriend and girlfriend! I see guys do this all the time. Why do guys seem like they get over relationships so much faster than girls?
I don’t know if it’s fair to isolate guys as the sole perpetrators on this one – girls can be just as fickle when it comes to romance. I know of plenty of ladies who started a new fling shortly after — or even before — their relationship had ended. (Not that it’s happened to me, of course…or that I’m having a painful, heart-wrenching flashback as I type this….Oh, God…)
If you read this column, you know that I love talking about the biological differences between men and women. So while women must carry babies for nine months, men can theoretically continue to spread their seed with other partners – which might help to explain (though certainly not excuse) your ex-boyfriend’s short attention span.
But even if guys do initiate more break-ups, I don’t think guys necessarily get over relationships faster or easier than girls do (again, not that I’m speaking from experience…but if you’re reading this, Rosa: WHY???) Personal history aside, I’ve seen plenty of guys take weeks, months, or years to move on from girls – sometimes even when the guy is the one to sever ties.
Maybe this guy is treating his new girlfriend as a rebound. I can’t say for sure that he is, but that’s extremely common after a breakup – with both guys and girls. It’s possible that he still misses you and is still upset about the breakup, and he feels like he needs someone else around because he thinks it will make him feel better. Even if he’s not using her as a rebound, he could still be hurting… maybe he just has a different way of reacting to heartbreak then you do. As I’ve said before, guys don’t always show their emotions as obviously as girls sometimes do, and so you don’t always know for sure what’s going on inside their head.
One thing is certain, though: the younger and less mature a dude is, the less adeptly he is apt to handle his exit from a relationship. Once single, he has the right to date whomever he wants — but showing a complete lack of regard for your feelings by flaunting his new relationship is a sign of immaturity and an indication that he wasn’t ready for commitment in the first place.
Ethan Fixell is a writer and comedian from New York City best known as one half of comic “dating coach” duo Dave and Ethan. He is also the creator and editor of ActualConversation.com. For more on Ethan, visit EthanFixell.com…or call his mom, Robin.