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Believe it or not, guys DO get upset about breakups | Source: ShutterStock
Dear Ethan,
My boyfriend and I dated for a while and we broke up recently. I was really, really upset about it. But only a week after we ended things, he started hanging out with another girl and a few weeks later they became boyfriend and girlfriend! I see guys do this all the time. Why do guys seem like they get over relationships so much faster than girls?
I don’t know if it’s fair to isolate guys as the sole perpetrators on this one – girls can be just as fickle when it comes to romance. I know of plenty of ladies who started a new fling shortly after — or even before — their relationship had ended. (Not that it’s happened to me, of course…or that I’m having a painful, heart-wrenching flashback as I type this….Oh, God…)
If you read this column, you know that I love talking about the biological differences between men and women. So while women must carry babies for nine months, men can theoretically continue to spread their seed with other partners – which might help to explain (though certainly not excuse) your ex-boyfriend’s short attention span.
But even if guys do initiate more break-ups, I don’t think guys necessarily get over relationships faster or easier than girls do (again, not that I’m speaking from experience…but if you’re reading this, Rosa: WHY???) Personal history aside, I’ve seen plenty of guys take weeks, months, or years to move on from girls – sometimes even when the guy is the one to sever ties.
Everyone reacts to breakups differently. | Source: ShutterStock
Maybe this guy is treating his new girlfriend as a rebound. I can’t say for sure that he is, but that’s extremely common after a breakup – with both guys and girls. It’s possible that he still misses you and is still upset about the breakup, and he feels like he needs someone else around because he thinks it will make him feel better. Even if he’s not using her as a rebound, he could still be hurting… maybe he just has a different way of reacting to heartbreak then you do. As I’ve said before, guys don’t always show their emotions as obviously as girls sometimes do, and so you don’t always know for sure what’s going on inside their head.
One thing is certain, though: the younger and less mature a dude is, the less adeptly he is apt to handle his exit from a relationship. Once single, he has the right to date whomever he wants — but showing a complete lack of regard for your feelings by flaunting his new relationship is a sign of immaturity and an indication that he wasn’t ready for commitment in the first place.
Good luck!
Ethan
Ethan Fixell is a writer and comedian from New York City best known as one half of comic “dating coach” duo Dave and Ethan. He is also the creator and editor of ActualConversation.com. For more on Ethan, visit EthanFixell.com…or call his mom, Robin.
Are you confused about a guy? Do you find yourself wondering, “What is he thinking?” Tell us everything in the comments! And if you have a question for Ethan, email him at askaguy@gurl.com!
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women are pill dependent men are not. Try and sue biology in the court of law. Any ways men these days are least interested in wooing women. They have better things to do, compete against women with all rules which are anti men and pro women. with in the next 20 years there will be very few men who will be interested in getting married.
i think a partner no matter who the guy or the girl will get over a realtionship quickly if they didn’t think of it as a serious realtionship.
Idk WHY my bf and I got to this topic but somehow I got to asking him what he would do if I would break up would him right now. He was like “I’d be confused….call up a couple of girls I’ve got saved in my phone…meet up with them and have a lil fun to get my mind off things”
I was really hurt, I wish we never got to that subject. I told him: “Wow…if we broke up, regardless of who’s the dumper, I’d cry for hours and feel horrible.”
I wish I was as emotionless as guys… I mean it :/
I’m just not sure what to think about my breakup right now. I broke up with this guy because it’s long distance and he dumped me a few months before with no concern. So now after taking him back I broke up with him because it wasn’t working out and it seems like it doesn’t have any effect on him at all. So I’m not sure what to think if I meant nothing or what.
“not that I’m speaking from experience…but if you’re reading this, Rosa: WHY???”
Loved that part.
Rosa doesnt deserve you!
“but showing a complete lack of regard for your feelings by flaunting his new relationship is a sign of immaturity and an indication that he wasn’t ready for commitment in the first place.”
Well said!