I Wish I Knew Not To Compare Myself To His Ex

I compared myself to his ex

I couldn’t get her out of my head! | Source: Shutterstock

There are lots of pros to dating a foreign guy: a fantastic accent, that air of maturity and culture, awesome dance moves, etc. I always assumed that there were some hazards to a foreign hunk, i.e. their weird culinary choices. However, in my case, a language barrier wasn’t even the problem (he was British). Instead, I faced an unforeseen adversary: a larger-than-life ex-girlfriend.

It wasn’t until this summer that I brought up the topic of exes with my guy. I finally I worked up the courage to ask him about it, and now I wish I hadn’t. He told me about his ex: a crazy-skinny girl with gorgeous red hair and a KILLER wardrobe. Oh, and she’s Italian, not Jersey Shore Italian, but accent-wielding, born and raised in Milano, Italian. And so my obsession began.

I checked out all her photos online (okay, maybe even her best friends’ photos), and I might have Googled her. But it wasn’t until I looked up how much her new Gucci purse cost that I thought something was wrong. Why was I driving myself crazy about a girl who didn’t even wish my boyfriend happy birthday on Facebook? (Yes, I checked).

I told my best friend, “She’s beautiful, tall, and Italian!” to which my friend quickly replied, “Well, you’re beautiful, tall, and Italian . . . and he travels all the way to New York to see you.” I realized that my friend was right, except I was of the Jersey Shore Italian rather than the Milano kind. I’d spent a whole freaking week worrying about this girl, and the whole time I was forgetting that my boyfriend flew across the world to see me. Why did I even think he still liked her?

From that moment on, I stopped worrying about the ex. She is totally a part of my guy’s past, but I shouldn’t compare myself to a girl he broke up with! When I think of all the time I wasted stalking her, her friends, and even her fancy purchases, I get kind of mad at myself. I mean–I could have spent all that time video chatting with him instead!

Have you ever felt this insecure about your guy’s ex? Do you ever compare yourself to her? Tell me in the comments!

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  • ashley

    Omg my bf’s ex was such a stalker!!! she would go on my fb aaaalll the time to see what we talked about. i would make sure I’d leave something that said “girl i know you are reading this”. It was so annoying, she couldn’t get over it. Then again, she was just a high schooler.

  • kelsey

    I know exactly what you’re talking about…ive grown feelings towards my fwb and he says he likes me too!! But i constantly compare myself to his ex….shes blonde, fake eyelashes,tan,nails and hair extensions and calls herself a princess….im not saying theres anything wrong with that.But we are both at totally different ends of the spectrum…im brunette a bit feisty and dont wear anything fake!!! Sometimes i wonder how he can like me after what he has dated!!!! But he says he doesnt find her attractive anymore they finished 9 mths ago!! I think i have to believe him or i may ruin the something we have started!!

  • Glorii

    my boyfriend’s ex was his first love. She is older, has a job, and an education. She is also a lot girly-er then I am. I can’t help but compare myself to her, especially since they still talk all the time. But then I think to myself “he never went to visit her but yet he visits me every time he has the chance.”

  • Summer

    My boyfriend’s ex and I have to see each other in school which sucks because it makes me weirdly curious and jealous of her. She was his first everything and I feel like I can’t compare even though he broke up with her for me. It’s hard sometimes. I have to remind myself that it shouldn’t be a big deal

  • Oceanalol

    sometimes, I hate that bitch.

  • letmeb

    Can I ever relate to what you are talking about. There is this guy in my life and I can say that I have had feelings for him for a solid two years. During that two years, he was with a girl who was a princess in every sense of the word. She drove a Mercedes, she went to private school, she walks around with designer bags, and walks around with her nose in the air. At times I was threatened, but only because she had him and I didn’t. The materials she had that I didn’t did not phase me whatsoever. When they first started dating apart of me thought that the money intrigued him so I was a little bit threatened, but over time and with age and experience I realized that kind of stuff cannot keep a relationship together. DO NOT let her material possessions make you feel threatened in anyway. As girls we have a tendency to obsess over that kind of stuff, but at the end of the day he is at your side and not hers, which means you win.