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Is it worth it? | Source: ShutterStock
You’ve heard of girl code, right? Basically, it means that you don’t date your friends exes or crushes – unless you get their approval. The only problem with that is that sometimes, we can’t help who we fall for… and sometimes, we end up falling for that guy who is totally off-limits because your friend had him first.
We saw this topic in the message boards and we wanted to know: do you think it’s fair to say that all of your friends exes are off-limits? Once your friend is done with the dude and she’s over him, then what’s the harm in you liking him or being with him? Or is more about a respect thing? Read what these girls had to say about the topic and then tell us what you think in the comments.
nikky909 said:
Is a friend’s ex really off-limits? My close friend had a boyfriend and they went out for a while before they ended things. It was a bad breakup, and now whenever he is mentioned, she says stuff like “I hate him”, “he is a tw@t”. Baring in mind they broke up quite a while ago and she’s sort of seen other people, is it bad for me to fancy him? He’s a really nice guy, but I don’t know how she would react. Is it just a rule that you shouldn’t go near you friends exes even when you really like them? Help!
Hayden218 said:
Definitely off limits!!! If you had an ex who you had a bad breakup with, would you seriously want one of your best friends dating him? Be a good friend. No guy should ruin any friendship.
Ask her if she’s okay with it before you make a move | Source: ShutterStock
zombie.doll said:
You can’t help the way you feel about a person. If you like him, you like him, and you shouldn’t feel bad about that.
Given that, though, I believe that you should talk to your friend about it first, to see if it’s okay if you pursue a relationship with him. She might be seeing other people, and he might as well and she might not care, but she is a close friend and obviously still has hostile feelings towards him. Talk to her about it first, and if she isn’t okay with it I would suggest not going for it, at least not until she is fine with it.
I have to totally agree with zombie.doll on this one. Sometimes, you really can’t help who you have a crush on – so if you end up crushing on your BFF’s ex, don’t make yourself feel horribly guilty. But in my opinion, getting your friend’s approval before you pursue a relationship is the right thing to do. It shows your friend that you respect her enough to consider her feelings before you go ahead with this.
That being said, I think you should only go after the dude if you’re 100 percent positive that your friend is over him and has moved on. If she’s not over it, it’s going to ruin your friendship, and you need to seriously consider that being making a move.
What do you think? Do you follow girl code? Would you or have you dated a friend’s ex? Has a friend ever dated your ex? Tell us in the comments!
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Yes and no. A lot of girls I have been friends with for a long ass time are falling for a ex I was forced to break up with I still like him a lot and wouldn’t mind secretly datin him but alll these girls are all over him and I say no if they’re your friends they will respect you they’re other fish in the sea don’t take the ones your friends have thrown back.
I’m in this ridiculous situation where me and my best friend (we’ve been friends for 4 years now) have recently developed feelings for each other. It was very gradual, and totally unexpected for both of us. Problem is he dated a good friend of mine for 2.5 years (they met through me in fact), but she broke up with him almost one year ago, but has been regretting it and she still has feelings for him. He also has had a brief fling with another friend of ours a few months ago, and apparently that girl is still hung up on him too. And throughout all of these experiences, I have always been the completely platonic friend he could discuss things with. But suddenly things have changed, and I am extremely confused and conflicted. Yes, this tests pretty much every rule in the book- don’t date your best friend, don’t date your friend’s ex, don’t date your friend’s crush… But somehow it still feels right between us two? Would it be a waste to let such a strong connection between us slide? People aren’t possessions, we only share time with them…. Advice please??
My situation is reversed. I dated my best guy friend of 5 years and didn’t really feel anything. It still felt the same. So we broke up, but we’re still best friends. Even closer now. Then my close girlfriend decides she likes him and asks of she can date him after like one month of texting him. I say yes trying not to be selfish, but now I’m like super jealous and I wish he and I were dating again and that made me realize I do like him. But he said he doesn’t like me romantically anymore, only because we broke up, but he also doesn’t like my girlfriend. He didn’t want to fall for her before, but now that she said she liked him, apparently all is game. But I’m so hurt now and I don’t know what to do or how to recover. I would hope he’d give us another chance, because wasn’t the issue last time me not liking him, but now I do like him. But I’m just so confused as to how he can like this girl when all they’ve done is text. They’ve never hung out as friends and they’ve only met twice, and both times it was a friends party. They’ve never talked on the phone, they don’t have any connection except through text, and she’s ready to declare her love. Texts for like 4 wks. I’m just so upset and hurt.
I want to date my best friends ex but she says i cant date him cuz its in the girl code. but the problem is i love him and he knows that and he loves me and my friends know that we like each other. so how can i date him if if my friends says i cant cuz of the girl code
I agree that you should ask your friend before going ahead and dating the person. I told one of my best friends I still liked this boy and he told her she liked her, so now they’re dating. I thought it was a little rude of her to forget about my feelings and go head over heels for this guy. I talked to her about it and she didn’t think it was fair of me to put her in the middle, and i was trying not to, but i felt a little betrayed as a best friend.
YOU CAN NOT DATE AN EX OF A GOOD FRIENDS! you can like him but u cnt date them and if u like them dont tell her and try not to flirt with him…..
My best girl friend’s ex is my best guy friend. (Talk about being caught in the middle) And we really like each other, but I’m super afraid to have anything serious with him, despite the fact they’ve been broken up for over a year.
Don’t date your friend’s boyfriend. When two people go out they share a close emotional bond. It will be very akward, and even if your friend says she doesn’t care she probably will, and that will put a strain on your relationship. Be the classy girl I know you are, and find your OWN guy.
I’ve been there and it hasn’t ended well……
Dating a friend’s ex is never a good idea, especially if you know about their past relationship. This happened to me and it turned out the only reason why he dated me was so he could get back to my friends – making her jealous and tying to lure her in.
Luckily i saw this asap and dumped in.
Another thing about dating a friend’s ex is that it could ruin your friendship and trust – i’m glad my friend stayed.
ALTHOUGH i would say it is possible… depending on how well you know the guy and loads of time should be given before you commit. Always think twice before dating a friend’s ex.
Dating a friends ex will just make things akward. Exes regardless if there are feelings or not are OFF LIMITS! That’s gross. Leftovers are ew. Unless you’re both desperate and can’t find another person in this world smh .
It depends on the siduation. I am currently dating someone who is techniqually my friends ex; but they only went out for 2 weeks and its been 8 months since. All parties are fine with it and honestly, he’s the best boyfriend I’ve ever had. There’s no one “always” rule, it depends on the siduation and the feelings involved.
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I had a similiar experience, a guy friend was crushing on me but we never got to dating but then my best mate met him one night and swapped numbers, she did ask me if it was chill if they hung out. I told her it was fine but that he was still blowing me up to go out. I find out a month later my mate and this guy had been dating since they swapped numbers and she didn’t want to hurt my feelings by telling me. Worst was he was still hitting me up during this time and she was denying they were together, made me look the fool. I felt like the code was broken because she would hear me say how he wanted to go out with me but she would be hooking up with him during those times.
Well, my bff dated my first boyfriend. Our breakup was harsh on me and i really was sad for months, she didnt ask me or anythng, I know it happened ages ago, but I really liked him, and he wants me back, but I said no……
I’m fnally moving on properly
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I don’t think they are always 100% off limits. Just make sure your best friend is over him. And don’t date him right after they break up, that would show her you and him had a thing while they were dating or you liked him while you were dating. I mean she did date him first. So make sure your friend is over him and is fine with you dating him! Don’t lose your friend over some silly guy.(:
Well, my best mate and her ex broke up about 3 weeks ago and there still good mates and im like super close to her ex, were like family. My best mate and her new bf always joke about us hooking up and recently i have developed some feelings for him and we have always flirted with each other, I dont whether he likes me back because he always invites me around and calling me amazing… im scared it will ruin our friendship … what should i do????
I recently fell for a friend’s ex, then found out she wasn’t over him even though she was sort of seeing someone else now and he’d clearly moved on as well. I didn’t want to lose a friend over a guy, but I really liked him too, so I decided I had to do something. So, I prepared for the worst and really guiltily admitted to her that I liked him…and she laughed at me and asked why I’d be afraid to tell her that. Even though she wasn’t really over him, she was really cool about it, specifically said he wasn’t off limits, and gave me an okay to ask him out. She was like, “You never know, maybe you’ll be his type.”
Of course, I did all that based on the assumption that while the guy and I were just friends, he’d probably give me a chance if I asked. That’s actually where I was wrong–I asked him if he wanted to grab lunch sometime and he gave me this excuse about being too busy for the rest of the summer and then some (like, seriously?). And my friend and I sat back and laughed and decided that we’d probably both been wasting our time on him. We’re actually a lot better friends because of the whole situation.
So…yeah. It could turn out like that. I think you need to talk to your friend before you do anything; going behind her back is going to cause problems for sure, at least if you talk to her there’s a chance she’ll react positively.
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I had a crush on a guy since third grade, Just this year after many years of being playfully made fun of by my Bff for liking him she dicides to go out with him! It didnt last long, But after i knew in the future that i wanted to date him, So my friend broke girl code. But i already got permission to date him since i liked him first. So it depends on situation to break girl code