What Is Virginity?

What is virginity?

Your virginity is your business, ladies! | Source: Shutterstock

There’s so much gossip about who’s a virgin, who’s not, who lost their V-card to whom, and on and on and on . . . but um, what is virginity to begin with?

I know you’re rolling your eyes, and being like, *duh* how can you not know what virginity is? But um, I don’t think it’s as simple as you think it is.

A lot of people think that a girl only has her virginity as long as her hymen–a membrane that partially or totally covers the vaginal opening–hasn’t been broken. That said? A lot of people are plainly wrong. Your hymen can be broken lots of ways besides having sex–like through exercise or horseback riding–so what shape it’s in really is no indication of whether or not you’re a virgin. Let’s throw that one in the trash.

Some other people think that your virginity is over the first time anything goes into your vagina. Don’t listen to these people, either! They’re dummies! Using a tampon will not make you lose your virginity, and neither will having a thorough exam at the gynecologist. Virginity is about sex–and since neither of those things are sex, neither of them affect your V-card. Simple as that.

But now we’re coming to the biggie: Since we’ve established that you have your virginity until you have sex for the first time, what kind of sex are we talking about, exactly? There are lots of different kinds of sex, and not everybody will have every kind in their lifetime. Think about it: Most lesbians probably aren’t ever going to ask a dude to enter their vagina, but that doesn’t mean all lesbians are life-long virgins!

This is where things get a little murky and you can make your own call (for some people, oral sex counts, for others it doesn’t)–but I think you lose your virginity the first time you choose to have sex where your bits down there are in contact with someone else’s down there bits. Girls can do it with boys or girls. Guys can do it with girls or guys. It’s an equal opportunity V-card ditch day!

But let’s back up one tiny bit, because I think there’s something else super important that we haven’t talked about. I said that you lose your virginity the first time you choose to have sex–and choose is a super key word. I know that some people think that your virginity can be stolen from you if you are raped or sexually abused in another way, but I don’t like to give that much power to the horrible people who commit such awful crimes. Sex is about pleasure, and to experience it fully, you have to choose to do it yourself. It’s your decision, and nobody elses. I’m not trying to downplay the horrible stuff rape survivors go through–far from it–but I firmly believe that your V-card is yours and yours alone, and that nobody can steal that special feeling that you’ll have the first time you do it because you want to.

How do you define virginity? Do you think we got it right, or are we way off base? Do you still have your V-card? Tell us everything in the comments!

How Will You Know If You’re Ready For Sex?

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  • Cris

    My boyfriend stuck his head in and a little bit more of it.. Am I still considered a virgin?

  • ashley

    Okay question. This guy put it in a couple times. I did not want to, it was sort of forced. He nutted but idk why when all he did was finger me and put it in a couple times. So I feel like it was an attempt to take my V. He didnt pop my cherry tho. so I feel like I’m still a virgin. If putting it in means I lost my V then Hell putting fingers, toys,and etc would mean it to. I’m just saying I feel like I didn’t lose it because my cherry isn’t popped.But my question is what do u think?

  • anonymous

    I feel like virginity is just a state of mind created by society for social judgment. I feel that labels belong on produce items and not on ones personal choices. Sex is just sex, I dont understand why it has to have so many connotations applied to it.

  • me

    im not happy because my bf left after sex with him ..i dont know y?

  • Kate

    I don’t believe in virginity, it seems kind of silly that there is all of this talk of virginity and the harsh stigma of things like being promiscuous or not “waiting until marriage” and even being a virgin. I think that someones sex life is their business and people shouldn’t be labeled virgin and others should respect that. Its your choice to have sex or not to and it is your business.

  • Yoyo

    It’s really horrible how some countries still using hymen as a simple of the girls honor ,,,,just so stupid

  • Alexus Davis

    In my opinion, virginity is whenever you have sex by choice. Like in the article, being raped or sexually abused, that was not your choice and you shouldn’t give the awful person who did that to you have the satisfaction of taking your virginity. I also believe that oral sex SHOULD count because your private areas are in contact with someone else’s body parts. I mean, lesbians have oral sex with their partners.. and probably never have had a penis entered in them. does that make them virgins? I think not. If you give someone oral sex or they do it to you or you do it to each other at the same time.. whatever, you are not a virgin in my book. But also to put this out there, I believe that you should wait to have any kind of sex until you find the one person you truly love because your virginity is so precious and you can never get it back. That’s the main reason why I am waiting.

  • mary15

    I’m still a virgin!

  • Hannah

    Okay… Virginity is what you want it to be. It can be from oral sex, or vaginal… Lesbians can do both. So can gay or straight people. If you believe you are still a virgin after oral… that’s you’re life.. I don’t think oral sex is losing you’re virginity. But everyone has their own opinion. It’s not about giving something up… It’s about sharing yourself with someone who is special. It doesn’t matter whether you are married or not. Religion is Religion.. I don’t discriminate. I am christian… but I don’t care about sex before marriage. If I love someone.. I should have the right to love them every way I want. Sex isn’t just sex though.. It’s important to some people, but some don’t care. Sex… is a big deal emotionally and physically. You decide how you want to do it. When I was younger, I was a very curious girl. I had these friends for a while, and we experimented. I was young and always under pressure… so there was a time where I almost had intercourse… at age 11! I used to think I wasn’t pure.. but now I realized, I was just a kid. I believe oral sex isn’t losing you’re virginity… so therefore I am still a virgin. But don’t take that as an excuse to throw yourself every where. Do it cause you truly want to. And when you dont regret anything and finally accept yourself.. That’s when you decide whether you’re virginity is gone.

  • Candy

    I think virginity is spiritual and it is a big deal coz u cn be chaste even after being raped or having sex …just depends on ur state of mind.

  • Stephen

    Most of this article was full of just plain nonsense coming from someone who it sounds like is looking for love and is replacing it with pleasure.

    Sex is NOT just about pleasure. Sex is the most intimate thing you can do physically with another human being. It is about GIVING NOT RECEIVING and it is giving your entire self to them physically, and so should be accompanied by giving your entire self in every other dimension – emotionally, mentally, spiritually – which is why it should always only happen in the context of marriage. If you are giving yourself sexually to another person without marriage, you are saying with your body language that you are giving your entire self to them but aren’t saying it with your will – this is using the other person for your own pleasure and it is allowing yourself to be used for their own pleasure – persons should never be the object of use, only love, which seeks to give yourself to the other person and to do so for THEIR genuine good, regardless of YOUR personal pleasure.

    The one thing you got right: rape is horrible and disgusting because it doesn’t engage someones free will to choose whether they give themselves. But – sex outside of marriage is still use – it is use for pleasure on the most intimate physical level without the accompanying commitment of life. If you want your free will to used correctly – choose not to use the other person for your own enjoyment, because that is also what rape does.

    • Amy

      You are wrong Stephen,

    • anonymous

      I appreciate your viewpoint, but one no need to be so rude with it and two that is also a very biased standpoint, this is a completely opinionated topic and you have no right to say someone is nonsense or that they are doing something that you read into. That is an interesting standpoint but also old fashioned and frankly religion driven, which many people are not and that is their fair and right choice to make. There is nothing wrong with that whatsoever.

    • Tia

      ‘Sex is about pleasure, and to experience it fully, you have to choose to do it yourself’ it was refering to how its only counting when you choose to give into the urge to have sex for the first time.
      and No, its not ‘using’ when two people are consentual to MUTUALLY pleasing each other

      • leslie

        dear tia- I lost my virginity 2 years ago with my boyfriend who was 6 years older than I was. it was something that I had been wanting to do for 3 or 4 years but at that time I felt like I wasn’t ready. when I finally decided to let him do it to me we had been going together for over a year and I felt like he was the one to have the privledge of breaking me in. we were at his parents house and they were out of town. both of us had a few drinks together and ended up in his parents bedroom. after a lot of hugging and kissing I had this burning sensation down there and this is when I knew I was ready. while it did hurt a lot that first time and I also bled on the bed I was so glad it was over. while we did not use any kind of birth control I didn’t get pregnant and at the present time we are going to get married in 3 mo.

    • Omam

      Excellent! Your comment is just perfect! I support it all the way :)

      • Omam

        @ Stephen

    • kylie

      I agree completely Steven! It talks in the bible about hoe God ordained sex for marriage, and outside marriage its wrong. Its selfish to not wait, because that person does not belong to you, and their body is meant for their future spouse, so in a way you are stealing something from your future spouse, and from the other persons future spouse. I am a virgin, and plan to be until marriage, and am not ashamed of it. I appreciate you’re boldness posting what you did, even though you probably knew when you wrote it that most people wouldn’t agree.

  • natasha powell

    well everything u said sounds about right but u should have noted when its appropriate for girls to have there first for me im Christian my first time is when im married but if ur not Christian do it once uve known the guy make sure hes not the type to fuck nd jump

  • Amy

    I don’t believe in the V-card. I don’t. Honestly. In many cultures, virginity isn’t even heard of. Plus, when we live in a day and age where fanfiction is a thing (and a huge one), and women aren’t considered property anymore, we can just throw the virginity thing away. Virginity was originally a concept made to classify women, to put a higher or lesser value on them, back when marriage was about monetary value and property, rather than love.
    And come on. We live in a day and age when materials such as fanfiction and pornography fly. /Especially/ fanfiction, with the teens. Who cares about virginity when your favorite TV or book pairing is “getting it on”? And honestly, how would you define a 16 year old girl who reads a ton of not-so-clean fanfiction, has a dirty mind, and is a bit of a perv. Virginity meant “pure” (or something like that), and she doesn’t sound very pure. But she hasn’t had sex yet! So what is she?

    • Giu

      What does sex have to do with what you read (unless you masturbate, of course)? I don’t think it’s sexist to mke a big deal out of Virginity. I don’t find a guy that’s less of a guy just because he’s a virgin. And, what I think is wrong with what you type, is that it is not sexist because we choose when to give it, we’re not pushed to do it… And some people want to do it when they’re in love, others when they’re married, others just for fun… what’s wrong with that? Each one of us has the right to make a choice. Plus I don’t see how being or not a virgin makes you worth more or less…. By the way, I was 16 too, and never gave a damn about what ‘book characters’ did cause I knew it was just fiction, which doesn’t have to be true… It’s ok for everyone to have their own opinions about it…