My Friend Told Me She’s A Lesbian And I’m Totally Freaked Out!

My friend is gay

Don’t freak out! | Source: ShutterStock

Help me Heather!

Lately I’ve been hanging out with one of my good friends more than I used to, and she quickly became my best friend. Everything was great… until she started to make me feel like she was flirting with me or something. Today she told me had to tell me something. For some reason, I felt like she was going to say, “I like you” or something… and she told me she’s a lesbian!

I didn’t know what to say! She says that I don’t need to feel like I’m in danger, but still. Is she attracted to me? Am I going to lose my best friend because she suddenly turned out to be a lesbian? Help!

Your confusion is totally understandable – finding out that a close friend isn’t exactly who you thought she was can be difficult to go through. It might take some time to adjust to the idea that your BFF is a lesbian, but honestly, I don’t think you have anything to worry about in regards to losing her.

I’m sure to you it feels like your friend has suddenly transformed from a straight girl into a lesbian – but that’s not the case. Your BFF has probably been struggling with her sexual identity for a while now, so chances are, she’s been a lesbian all along and you just haven’t known it. It can take months and sometimes even years for someone to come out to other people. The fact that your friend told you she’s a lesbian shows that she trusts you and is comfortable enough with you to show you who she really is. That’s a good thing!

My friend is gay

This doesn’t mean she’s going to come on to you! | Source: ShutterStock

Since I don’t know this girl, I can’t tell you for sure whether she’s attracted to you or not. Maybe she is, or maybe she just thinks of you as a really great friend. Think of it this way: I’m sure you have a guy friend who you think is really awesome – but you don’t think he’s cute at all. Just because your BFF is a lesbian doesn’t mean she’s attracted to every girl she’s friends with, just like you’re not attracted to every dude your friends with.

Try not to let your friend’s sexual orientation impact your friendship. If you have a good time with her and she’s loyal, then there’s no reason you two can’t stay friends. If you ever feel like she’s flirting or making you uncomfortable, say something to her. But for now, act like you were acting before you knew she was a lesbian. As long as you continue to treat her how you did in the past, you shouldn’t lose her as a friend.

take care,

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Posted in: Help Me Heather, Love Advice
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  • Carol

    Serious question. My 12 yo daughter has a very good friend who has been out to her family for a while but just just came out to my family. She spends a lot of time with us including spending the night. Most of her friends share her bed when they spend the night. I have told her that while she is just as welcome in our home and other outings that there was to be no more sleepovers. My daughter likes sports so she also has several friends who are boys and I would never let them sleepover. Her family is now saying that I am judgmental and a hypocrite and she can’t hang out with us anymore. I am heartbroken. The girl and I and have had a talk (the mom refuses to speak to me) and while she says she would NEVER try anything with my daughter she understands my position. I don’t think I am overreacting. 12 yo are at an age where they start noticing each other in more than friend ways and I would want her to be in a position to experiment no matter the sexual orientation.

  • Jill

    Get ride of them. They are sexual perverts.I wish the media would report the truth.

    • Kate

      Yeah, gay people are NOT sexual perverts. They are normal people who happen to be attracted to the same gender.

    • LMRN

      I’m sure they have a huuuuge impact on your life, if anything they would just serve to give you less competition in the “meat market”, what other people do in their bedroom is none of your business. And yeah, the media is reporting lies, they’re out to get you, put your tin-foil hat on and cry in the corner because they will find you and force horrible vicious evuuuul lesbians down your throat at every turn you clueless irrational fool…

    • Liv

      Wtf is wrong with you? Other than your computer illiteracy. There is nothing wrong with homosexuality, but there is something wrong with Homophobia, especially those who set out to ruin lgbt* peoples’ friendships , asshole

  • Immy Mercy

    Could someone make an article about the other side? Like, I want to tell my best friend that I’m bi and don’t know how? Please?

    • Annabella

      Write to help me heather

  • Taylarj

    I think you should accept her the way she is because maybe she felt very comfortable to expose a very important part of her life to you. And today people discriminate against people who like the other sex. And it’s wrong. so, i think you should continue being her friend, and as far as the flirting goes, it’s ok to tell her you don’t feel that way towards her. That would be the best thing to do.

  • UrbanDecay13

    I’ve been on both sides of her boat and yes it can be very hard to deal with at first but at the same time sometimes your gay friends can be really good friends! I used to have a hard time with it but then things got better. We still enjoy sleepoverts and Elizabeth Taylor movies like the old times and things don’t really get awkward! She also has really good advice on how to not let people bring you down and I even forget about her sexuality a bunch! Trust me it gets better.
    Stay beautiful♥

  • CookiesXD147

    Ya im bisexual and so one of my friends had been tryin to pare me up with my best friend (guy) so i finally privately told her that i was attracted to our other friend (girl) and she just started to try parin me up with her! lol i love my friends (one of them especially…)

  • LilMissMimiXx

    Ohmygod, this TOTALLY happened to me yesterday! One of my really good friends and myself were out partying because it’s the end of term and year Nine, and that we are going to be lower seniors etc etc and then she just went BOOOM, I’m a lesbian. And I was like wooaaahhhh, but okay? I go to a girl’s school, and I had been noticing that she was relationshipyy close to another of our friends, but I wasn’t sure. So, I just said that’s cool, and I’m happy that you told me! and we we’re talking about relationships and stuff, and it was good, because I said that I’m straight, and she was like yeah lol, i wouldn’t make a move on you cz I know you are, and it was really chill!
    Anyways, it’s a shock, but it’s really awesome, and they might have crushes on you, but it’s like a guy having a crush on you, just… it’s a girl? But it’s pretty awesome having friends who trust you enough to tell you that, and she hasn’t suddenly turned into an alien, so she’s still your best friend right? So it’s all cool! Just strange and new 😀 xxx

  • Joelle

    I used to have a friend that was a lesbian and we always hung out I never felt awkward until she told me she liked me and wanted to go out…. I told her I liked guys and she wasn’t okay with it at first and then we were okay again then after high school drifted apart….

  • Alexz

    One of my close friends is a lesbian & when she told me (well I kinda already knew!) It was totesss cool! Only thing Id say is dont make it awkward, she’s your bestfriend! Nothing has changed except that now you know youll never end up fighting over a crush! Lol 😀

  • Rowan

    A friend of mine knows I’m lesbian, yet she’s totally concerned that now I’m in love with her, all the girls of my class and all appropriately-aged girls in the school…
    It just doesn’t work that way.
    All it means is that I’m sexually attracted to girls. It doesn’t mean I’ll fall head-over-heels in love with every single girl I meet.
    I just wish people could understand that.

  • BleedingSun

    As a girl who’s been on the other side of this siduation, I agree with Heather. Don’t freak out! If you treat her any different or start acting funny, you can seriously hurt her feelings. Just because she’s a lesbian does NOT mean she’s attracted to you. And even if she is, so what? Its no different then being friends with guy – and I can guarantee those are attracted to you at least a little on some level. So don’t worry about it! She knows you’re strait and isn’t gonna try to “turn you” or anything. Just be her friend! You’re friends with her for a whole bunch of qualitys unrelated to her sexuality. So chill out.