Help me Heather!
Lately I’ve been hanging out with one of my good friends more than I used to, and she quickly became my best friend. Everything was great… until she started to make me feel like she was flirting with me or something. Today she told me had to tell me something. For some reason, I felt like she was going to say, “I like you” or something… and she told me she’s a lesbian!
I didn’t know what to say! She says that I don’t need to feel like I’m in danger, but still. Is she attracted to me? Am I going to lose my best friend because she suddenly turned out to be a lesbian? Help!
Your confusion is totally understandable – finding out that a close friend isn’t exactly who you thought she was can be difficult to go through. It might take some time to adjust to the idea that your BFF is a lesbian, but honestly, I don’t think you have anything to worry about in regards to losing her.
I’m sure to you it feels like your friend has suddenly transformed from a straight girl into a lesbian – but that’s not the case. Your BFF has probably been struggling with her sexual identity for a while now, so chances are, she’s been a lesbian all along and you just haven’t known it. It can take months and sometimes even years for someone to come out to other people. The fact that your friend told you she’s a lesbian shows that she trusts you and is comfortable enough with you to show you who she really is. That’s a good thing!
Since I don’t know this girl, I can’t tell you for sure whether she’s attracted to you or not. Maybe she is, or maybe she just thinks of you as a really great friend. Think of it this way: I’m sure you have a guy friend who you think is really awesome – but you don’t think he’s cute at all. Just because your BFF is a lesbian doesn’t mean she’s attracted to every girl she’s friends with, just like you’re not attracted to every dude your friends with.
Try not to let your friend’s sexual orientation impact your friendship. If you have a good time with her and she’s loyal, then there’s no reason you two can’t stay friends. If you ever feel like she’s flirting or making you uncomfortable, say something to her. But for now, act like you were acting before you knew she was a lesbian. As long as you continue to treat her how you did in the past, you shouldn’t lose her as a friend.
What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at firstname.lastname@example.org