Ask a most girls about losing their virginity and most of them will say something like, “My first time was awkward.” “My first time hurt a little.” “My first time was sort of weird.” “My first time was okay.” But apparently one third of girls, whether they admit it or not, will think to themselves, “My first time was a nightmare.”
A new study says that one in three girls under 16 actually regret losing her virginity. Sometimes it’s because of how it happened–one girl said her first time was on a bathroom floor (yikes!) with a guy who wound up blowing her off right after she lost her virginity to him. Other girls regret their first time because of why they lost their virginity: a lot of the girls surveyed revealed that their friends had sex, so they felt pressured to fit in with them.
Some experts in the study explained why losing your virginity before you’re really ready is a bad idea. “It’s a psychological disaster waiting to happen,” one psychologist said. “It leads to empty relationships and low self-worth. The experience creates worry, regret, self-recrimination, guilt, loss of self-respect, shaken trust, depression, stunted personal development, damaged relationships and relationship skills. It can also have a negative impact on marriage, should one ever take place.” That’s bad news bears, girls–but that’s not even all of it. Stats show that if you have sex too soon, you may be up to three times more likely to be depressed than someone who waited until she was truly ready.
A few of the girls in the study hinted that losing their virginity too early made them promiscuous later on, but honestly, that’s neither here nor there. We actually sorta dislike this portion of the original article and research, because, deliberately or not, it implies that there’s slut shaming going on, and that’s never cool. Think about it: If you’re having sex for the right reasons–you’re with someone you trust, you both are consenting and within a legal age range, and you’re both enjoying it safely and responsibly–there’s nothing wrong with it whatsoever. No matter HOW many times you have sex or how many people you sleep with!
Let’s face it: Few girls get together with their pals and gush, “My first time was magical! My first time was like the movies!” But losing your virginity should never feel like an obligation, a chore, or something to get over with.
That said, there’s no one way to tell whether or not you’re ready to lose your virginity, and there’s no set age for it, either (but make sure you’re not breaking any laws!). But the easiest way to tell if you’re ready? When you stop questioning and doubting it. If you’re thinking of losing your virginity but there’s a nagging voice in your head saying not to, or if you feel more nervous than excited–then you’re not ready. Losing your virginity shouldn’t also mean losing yourself.
While you may not tell your friends, “My first time was amazing!” you surely don’t want to tell them, “My first time was a mistake.”
Do you feel pressured by your friends to lose your virginity? What was your first time like? Do you regret your first time? Do you wish you’d waited to lose your virginity? Tell us in the comments!