My First Time Was A Nightmare: One Third Of Girls Regret Losing Their Virginity

my first time virginity

If you don’t want to say, “My first time was terrible,” then be sure you’re totally ready before you lose your virginity. | Source

Ask a most girls about losing their virginity and most of them will say something like, “My first time was awkward.” “My first time hurt a little.” “My first time was sort of weird.” “My first time was okay.” But apparently one third of girls, whether they admit it or not, will think to themselves, “My first time was a nightmare.

A new study says that one in three girls under 16 actually regret losing her virginity. Sometimes it’s because of how it happened–one girl said her first time was on a bathroom floor (yikes!) with a guy who wound up blowing her off right after she lost her virginity to him. Other girls regret their first time because of why they lost their virginity: a lot of the girls surveyed revealed that their friends had sex, so they felt pressured to fit in with them.

Some experts in the study explained why losing your virginity before you’re really ready is a bad idea. “It’s a psychological disaster waiting to happen,” one psychologist said. “It leads to empty relationships and low self-worth. The experience creates worry, regret, self-recrimination, guilt, loss of self-respect, shaken trust, depression, stunted personal development, damaged relationships and relationship skills. It can also have a negative impact on marriage, should one ever take place.” That’s bad news bears, girls–but that’s not even all of it. Stats show that if you have sex too soon, you may be up to three times more likely to be depressed than someone who waited until she was truly ready.

A few of the girls in the study hinted that losing their virginity too early made them promiscuous later on, but honestly, that’s neither here nor there. We actually sorta dislike this portion of the original article and research, because, deliberately or not, it implies that there’s slut shaming going on, and that’s never cool. Think about it: If you’re having sex for the right reasons–you’re with someone you trust, you both are consenting and within a legal age range, and you’re both enjoying it safely and responsibly–there’s nothing wrong with it whatsoever. No matter HOW many times you have sex or how many people you sleep with!

Let’s face it: Few girls get together with their pals and gush, “My first time was magical! My first time was like the movies!” But losing your virginity should never feel like an obligation, a chore, or something to get over with.

That said, there’s no one way to tell whether or not you’re ready to lose your virginity, and there’s no set age for it, either (but make sure you’re not breaking any laws!). But the easiest way to tell if you’re ready? When you stop questioning and doubting it. If  you’re thinking of losing your virginity but there’s a nagging voice in your head saying not to, or if you feel more nervous than excited–then you’re not ready. Losing your virginity shouldn’t also mean losing yourself.

While you may not tell your friends, “My first time was amazing!” you surely don’t want to tell them, “My first time was a mistake.

Do you feel pressured by your friends to lose your virginity? What was your first time like? Do you regret your first time? Do you wish you’d waited to lose your virginity? Tell us in the comments!

This Girl Feels Weird About Being A Virgin. Should She?

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  • Pamela Sanchez

    Well, this one is slightly closer to what I was looking for in the literature on losing one’s virginity to rape. Not completely, though. Regretting it afterwards when you fully consented is not the same as being raped by someone you either just met or who just pretty much saw you in passing one day and decided they “owned” you and your body “belonged” to him. Ideally one’s virginity should be saved for someone of YOUR choosing, and not just taken by anyone passing-by who sees the colour of your skin and thinks you “belong” to him or assumes you’re – I don’t know what, some kind of prostitute or something?

  • marrissa L.

    I am 16 and lost my virginity last year when i was 15 and it was on my First Holy Communion day non the less!My boyfriend Josh was 17 and was quite horny that day.Since i was in the class with the 7 and 8 year olds,my parents made me wear a cute,poofy knee length communion dress with the veil,gloves,lace anklets and white parent leather shoes.under my dress,they made me wear a cloth diaper and plastic pants like the little girls wore.Josh came to my party and was quite turned on by the fact that i looked like a little girl.After my party was over we went to josh’s house and he was home alone as his parents were out of town.we started necking,and i was getting aroused also.Josh ran his hand under my communion dress and felt my diaper and rubberpants and ran his hand over them.he pulled down his pants and shorts and put my hand on his penis and then put his hand down inside my diaper and rubbed my clit.He then unzipped my dress and pulled it off of me and pushed me to my knees and stuck his penis in my mouth and told me to suck him.I sucked him for a few minutes,then he pulled me over to his bed and we laid on it then he removed my under shirt,rubberpants and diaper and entered was somewhat pain ful and i bled some and he gave me all he had! i was no longer a virgin on my first communion day!Josh and i are still together,and my parents think i am still a virgin,even tho i still have feelings of guilt losing my virginity on my first communion day.

  • beely

    I realy regret the day I lost my virginity.actually I didn’t do sex but my boyfriend puts his finger in my vagina.and my hymen is broken its affecting m in my day and day life cz it wz smthng I….

    • rosalee

      for heaven’s sake ! get over it. Dont you have anything better to do in life than to mourn the fact that you auilty of enjoying being fingered by your bf. What a silly drama queen you are.
      Your hymen has no price. The price is your stupid emotion.
      Just because you put on this whole guilt persona does not make you more virtuous.

  • Jaycee

    My first time was terrible. Painful beyond belief and I was sixteen at the time, in love with my boyfriend who was the same age. I thought he was ‘the one’ and we had talked about getting married right out of high school. So one afternoon after a heavy ‘necking’ session at his house I let him talk me into it and it was so painful I cried for two days. Both because of the pain and also because of what I had lost. We had sex after that for over a year on a very regular basis, pretty much anytime he wanted it, until he went to a party without me and cheated with one of my friends, taking her virginity too. We broke up, he actually broke up with me and my heart was so broken that I cried to the point of broken blood vessels in my eyes, no one could console me. After two weeks we got back together, basically because he wanted regular sex again and I was so stupid I let him. It didn’t last very long, but for the next few months he got all the sex he wanted before he again broke up with me.

    Fast forward a year later, after having yet another boyfriend that I also had sex with, an old boyfriend that I had lived next door to for years stopped by to see me not knowing I had a boyfriend at the time. We hit it off even after a couple years apart and I ended my relationship with the boy I had been seeing and a month later my old next door neighbor boyfriend asked me to marry him, to which I of course said yes!

    To say he was disappointed in me would be an understatement, though not as much as I was, he was devastated when I confided I had been having regular intercourse with my two previous boyfriends, doing quite a lot of experimenting with them. Even though I had boyfriends that I had sex with, my soon to be husband had been waiting for me and hoping to get back with me someday even though he had watched me at our little high school from afar. He had refused to have any girlfriends as he waited for me and came to our bed a virgin and I’ve been his one and only all these decades now.

    We celebrated our 35th wedding anniversary this summer and if there is one thing I would hope to talk at least one other girl into, it would be to save yourself until your wedding day, something I wish I could go back and do so badly I can’t explain it. My husband was so disappointed in me his heart was broken for years. But his love has been amazing and has treated me like a fairy princess since the day we started going out again and is so romantic still today that I can hardly believe we don’t live in a fairy tale!

    We now have two children and five grandchildren. Our lives are so perfect it seems like a dream sometimes even though we don’t have a lot of money. But if there was one thing I would love to do it would be to go back in time and even if I had those two boyfriends, I would not have sex with them as I robbed my husband of the most precious thing ever in this life. It wasn’t my hymen and the blood and pain surrounding the act, it was the bonding, the closeness, the experimenting and learning with one another that I stole away from my husband. Instead, a boyfriend who didn’t care about me as I finally learned, got to reap the rewards of my heart and body.

    Girls, and any boys reading this, please learn from my mistake and know that the men we end up marrying actually do treasure our innocence. With that innocence comes learning, bonding, closeness, experimenting with one another and the deep love which that results. Though my husband was hurt badly he had waited for me and wasn’t going to let my stupidity damage our marriage though I would be lying if I didn’t say that there were times it came between us. For years, if my old boyfriends name was even mentioned by someone, my husband would become withdrawn and couldn’t hardly look or talk to me. I understood and showed him the same patience he showed me and we’ve been able to work past it.

    Please please please learn from my mistake.

    • Josh’sgurl

      No Jaycee, you cannot ask others to learn from your mistake. That was your experience. In no way is that going to be the same for others.
      Sex if viewed differently does not lead to the type of guilt conscience and the mental conflicts you now harbour. That is what societal programming does to people. We are made to believe that somehow virginity is a gift you are giving your husband. Isnt that silly when to have sex is just another bodily function like anything else?
      Why is there need to associate guilt and attach such a high value and make a moral issue of it all. Can you see how doing something against how you’ve been socially reprogrammed may lead to this chronic confusion and conflict in your mind which in some, may lead to mental illness. As a sophisticated society, it is such a shame that we are generating more mental illness by instilling guilt in peoples minds.
      Girls should learn from your experience to NOT make such a big deal about having sex or to attaching such a huge moral value to it.
      Don’t go making such a big deal about it.
      Bonding, closeness, experimentation comes with any new relationship you develop. Just because you are a virgin does not make that any different. Those are emotions from your heart, sexual arousal brings on an intimacy and closeness that enhances those shared emotions. Being a virgin does not in any way make that better. To some that may be a hindrance.
      Tell me, what happens in divorces when those same partners go on to develop strong, intense, guilt free, emotional encounters and relationships? Aren’t those real and powerful? Clearly in those situations virginity has had no part to play in how intense and close and guilt free they are.
      Each ones experiences are unique and different. How they share their sexuality is a personal thing to each one.
      Unfortunately the world has changed and thinking more liberal these days. In the west we have fought hard for sexual liberation and freedom. Why then are you wanting to turn back the clocks? You CANNOT have both things. Either you embrace this change and accept that this will continue or we must go back to the Victorian times. I am not sure the latter will be a popular choice.

    • harper danielle

      God I hate this kind of crap and melodramatic behaviour. FOR FUCKS SAKE GET OVER IT. If your husband is disappointed tell him to go fuck a prostitute and stop looking back. What kind of shit are you filling our heads with. This is total bullshit and mind altering attempts. Your experience is yours. I dont understand why you have regrets when you enjoyed the sex you had.
      You are all such liars. I think you posted a similar thing elsewhere, pretending to be the guy this time. Your minds are so fucked up!
      You are a married woman. You have no right to come on here and start lecturing and giving us your tale of woe. Teach your children and try and make them listen to you. By the time they are teens I bet your instructions to them, will go right through the wondow. I totally agree there is nothing wrong with waiting to have sex. At the same time dont instill that sense of guilt in those who have had sex or are planning on having sex. This is emotional blackmail and such an outdated way of trying to get teens to refrain from having sex.
      Sex is a powerful way of expressing oneself. Teens are now more empowered to go out and do what their hearts and minds feel like doing. I believe the best way here is not trying to stop them from having sex, because they will, like it or not, but to try and teach them how to be safe and practice using precautions. Stop trying to sell your victorian prudish ways. Well STOP PRETENDING.

      • Pamela Sanchez

        Sex is gross and painful if the first time is taken away from you by someone you hate instead of by your choosing to someone you actually LIKE or care about. Geez, promote the slut culture much??

  • Jess

    I lost it about 1 year ago I was 15 , I still regret it. I’m still with my boyfriend 2 and 1/2 years and counting. I just wasn’t ready and because I loved him so much and he wanted it so bad I let him take it. I had wanted to save it for my husband when I got married and now I never can, I let my morals go and as a result i have this permanent regret and afterwards I felt empty and cried. So if you do lose it make sure you are ready and you want it for yourself. You don’t have to please anyone but yourself, you are beautiful and you deserve to love your first experience.

  • chubby cutie

    Being a huge milestone in urlife you will always feel a sense of “loss” but u get over it in time. I dont think I regretted losing mine. I was nervous and shy and I am a tad chubby so I felt a bit self conscious. He was my older brothers frend. They had gone to Uni together. He took me to his place to check out his new guitar he had got. I had never had a bf and I had never kissed any boy before. He was a real sweety and I ended up doing it with him that day and continued for a few months after that. He is away now, abroad and working. I like guys who are confident and mature. I dont regret losing my virginity. My parents would have killed us both if they found out. No one would believe we had so much in common especially with our age gap 😛

  • NoRegretsGurl

    Yeah I can see how some gurls might regret losing their V-Card. I lost mine very early, more than 2 years ago, on my first date, to a much older guy. He was awsum, gentle and made me comfortable and it made me want him more and more. I fell in love with him and am still with him. It was awkward for me my first time. Just everything like being naked, feeling so shy and self conscious, being unsure and naive, how to respond to those sexual sensations, what he might feel and think when he was performing oral on me were things that were running through my mind while we were having sex. I had the best orgaasms and we cuddled and kissed a lot. He made me feel special and wanted and loved. I guess he being much older made him endear himself to me and I felt so loved. I think it is important to choose the one you want to lose it to.

  • Ashanti

    Well I’m 14 , & I Always Question Myself About Losing It Or Not ( To Mÿ Boyfriend Of 9 Months ) ! Then Everyone Kept Talking About How Painfull It Is & I Dont Do We’ll With Pain . So, I Watched A Video Of A Girl Losing Her Virginity & It Made Me Wanted To Wait Because It Looked Rough ! -__- He (Mÿ Boyfriend) Understood Where I came From , So We Are Waiting Till This Day & Are Still Together 🙂

  • Rosa

    I was 16 when I lost my virginity to my 2 week boyfriend. We are still together but being that I lost it too ‘easily’ to him he’s been acting weird. To some extent i do regret losing it. Now I have to have sex periodically or I’ll feel moody or empty.

  • Kate

    You never regret waiting, that’s what I always say.
    My first time was with my boyfriend of four years. I constantly asked him to wait, and it definitely paid off. I knew for sure that we loved each other and that I was emotionally ready. It was perfect.

  • Jade

    OK im 15. I’ve always liked a family friend he lives in a different city to me and we see eachother at christmas at his grandparetns place.I loved him and was tying to get over him becaause he didnt want a long distance relationship. He has a girlfriend and me and him were just flirting around and decided we should have sex next tim we see eachother. He’s 16 and has expirience but i was eally looking forward to it. Im a virgin and he knows. I was going to buy sexy underwear for him and make my self all nice. the next morning he texted me and said for me to forget all about it, but i didnt see it till the afternoon.all day i was so excited talking with my bffs, becuase there thinking about doing it to. I didnt car if we werent going to be together but i wanted to give it to him. / loose it to him. as he was my first love. i was so excited and nervous. and when he changed his mind it broke my heart. Then because i felt so unwanted i stated taalking to his sleezy cousin whos always wanted me. i sent him a pic of my boobs and i regret it so much. I wanted my guy to see them not his cousin. his cousin was the first guy to ever see my boobs and i hate that. Also my guy just wants to be friends which i ssmart but we always have trouble being friends because he never talks to me unless its about us fliting or doing something oor we fight. basically i lost my boob viginity to a sleeze so i get all the girls who say they regret there fist time

  • Di-Di

    My first time was truly amazing, like in the movies amazing. I was 16 and I lost it to my boyfriend (who I’m still with). We had been together for 6 months and I just knew I was ready and I wanted to have that special moment be with him. He was also a virgin, so that mad it even more special. It was prom night (corny ik, but still perfect) and he made sure I was comfortable and satisfied. I don’t know if it was because I was so caught up in the moment or what, but It didn’t hurt till wayyyyyy after. What was the icing on the cake, after we finished, I fell asleep, he held me, and watched me sleep until sunrise. He’s just about the most amazing guy I’ve ever met and I love him more than anything in this entire world.

    Ladies, moral is, if you’re gonna lose your virginity, do it with someone you love and someone who loves you back. Also, make sure you’re ready and comfortable with losing it.

    Good luck!

    • Pamela Sanchez

      You’re extremely lucky, and apparently according to my family “spoiled and privileged,” (I know, WTF?) if you get to CHOOSE who you do it with instead of having it forced on you by just any old passer-by who takes one look at the colour of your skin and thinks you’re there to be “had for the taking.” Extremely lucky, all of you.

  • Lola

    Well me and my friends went to this house party, all 3 of us actually ended up loosing our virginity to lads we didn’t know, but since this me and the lad I had sex with started talking and because we had already had sex there was no pressure to do it again which made the relationship a lot easier, I’m still with him now and we are taking things slow but looking forward to the fact when we next do it it will be more pleasurable and not hurt

  • Harriet

    Around a month ago my boyfriend, of 7 months asked me if I was ready, I replied no and he was ok with it. I talked to my friends a week ago and they said that it would be totally cool to lose it with him (his a year older) and I guess you could say I felt pressured. I round his today and asked him if he was ready in which he replied yes, he also admitted, like me, it would be his first time. Things got a little, how’d you put it sexually? And in the end I did have sex with him. It was good but it hurt, since then we’ve been inseprabable and he repeatedlys tells me he loves me and I’m beautiful. I love him very much and we are still together. I’m 14 and his 15 xxxxx