Boards
Is love enough? | Source: ShutterStock
What are relationships really all about? Are they just about having someone to hook up with and sleep in the same bed with? Are they about having someone to talk to and lean on for support? Or are they a healthy combination of both? The answer probably seems pretty obvious, but here’s something to consider: what if you’re not ready for sex yet? Or what if you’re not even that into hooking up?
We started thinking about this topic after we saw it in the message boards. So we want to know what you think: are sex-less relationships okay? Is it possible to be totally in love with someone without having sex with them? Read what these girls think and then tell us your thoughts in the comments:
elizaisawesome1 said:
Are sex-less relationships okay? I’m 17 right now, and I just think sex is a bit gross. Yes, I am a virgin. I have never even been in a relationship before. I just don’t understand why so many people like it. I wouldn’t bring it up, unless my partner does. I just don’t see the point to sex. I think real relationships should just be for love, and people for who they are.
How OK do you think this is? Is this normal, or is it just me?
kwcanes92 said:
The point of sex is to feel a level of physical pleasure that can’t be achieved through other means, and most people would agree that sex makes you feel much closer to your partner because you are doing something so intimate with them. Sex is not gross… it is a completely natural part of life and relationships. It is perfectly okay to not have sex with every person you date and to wait a while before having sex, but a normal, long-term, loving relationship cannot survive without any sort of physical contact.
Is just kissing enough? | Source: ShutterStock
realitytvgurl said:
Sure, sex-less relationships are perfectly fine. Honestly, that was what I was searching for. I was afraid to date certain guys (or all guys, for that matter) unless I knew that they were super Christian and planned on sticking to their morals. My boyfriend and I share an intense physical (and emotional) connection. We are actually in a long distance relationship now, and we weren’t able to see each other for 4 weeks. We did not discuss sex (or even kissing) one time while we were apart, and we survived. So, YES, sex-less relationships are okay.
My thoughts? It’s totally and completely fine to wait to have sex – if you’re not ready, you should never force yourself to do it just because you want a “good relationship”. Relationships are about way more than just sex and should never be only about sex. At 17-years-old, there’s no reason to pressure yourself to do the deed.
However, your relationships in the future (when you’re much older) might not survive without that physical connection you get from sex. But like I said before, you should never have sex until you’re ready – that’s the most important thing to remember here.
What do you think? Are sex-less relationships okay? Have you ever been in one? Would you ever be in one? Tell us in the comments.
Would you ever take back a cheater?
New Quiz!
GAHH So Happy!
Your Vagina Does What?
To learn more about Asexuals, go here:
http://www.asexuality.org/home/overview.html
I would hope sex-less relationships are okay, since i”m in one. Its not the problem of not wanting to have sex, but he’s 19 and i’m younger. I believe sex-less relationships could work if both people wanted it to.
Mr.S: We haven’t have Sex yet!!!
Ch1: Ya we waitin’!!!
Mr.S: They can do what they want, but we will wait!!!!!
I’m a virgin and I have been in sex-less relationships before. All I know is that I stick by my morals and I have a lot of less cares than those who have sex in their relationships. I don’t have to worry about protection and the possibility of me getting pregnant does not exist. Being celibate may not be easy but it is a lot more carefree.
I believe sex less relationships are ok. I think if you and your partner are ready for sex then you are just ready. Me on the other hand , I have done things with my boyfriend but he respects my decision to wait. I don’t want to rush into anything and he likes that about me.
I could not possibly disagree with kwcanes92 more. That is absolutely preposterous!
1. The “point” of sex is not to feel physical pleasure; it’s to reproduce a species. I’m not saying sex isn’t for fun, either, but I’m being all Sheldon-from-The-Big-Bang-Theory on here. Of course I’m going to be technical.
2. That last statement makes me want to blow my brains out…. “A normal long-term loving relationship cannot survive without any sort of physical contact.” I honestly have no words for that…. It’s just absolutely ridiculous…. Just… no….
So yeah everything has been basically said, stay a virgin if that is your values and usually you want to be with people that have your same values so when you get older you would probably be in relationships that will also want to stay a virgin till you are married. However I do very much disagree wit this statement
but a normal, long-term, loving relationship cannot survive without any sort of physical contact.
How this is worded and the topic, I believe this person is saying that without any sort of sexual activity a relationship cannot last. Well to that I say couple went out for like 20 years and got married, their first real physical contact was a kiss on their wedding day.
By the way great book is I kissed dating goodbye seriously great for any Christian
Quite interesting thanks.
ALL of my relationships have been “sexless”. if i can’t have a sex free relationship i break it off with the guy. if he can’t respect my boudaries what is there in that relationship? sex as a teen might be a trend now but i’m waiting. a relationship with someone shouldn’t have to include sex in its activities, and ur life shouldn’t evolve around it or around the guy ur sleeping with. a relationship is built on trust and how much u care about the other person and how happy they make u.
I feel the exact same way!!! (:
I’ve said it time and time again: If the relationship fails because you’re not willing to have sex, it wasn’t true love to begin with! As a virgin and a woman who is waiting until marriage to engage in sexual activity (nothing but kissing and hand-holding), I don’t believe that sex is necessary for love. Yes, I will agree that sex most likely draws you closer to your partner. (After all, they saw you buck naked. Acceptance of one’s body is a very important factor for those in relationships.) But you can love someone without sex.
In my opinion, love is about knowing someone and letting them know you. Trusting them; being open and honest with them. If you want to become closer with your partner, what better way than to join hands in marriage? Besides, I want my viriginity to be for the man I spend the rest of my life with. How special would it be to be able to give something so sacred to him on your wedding night? I just think that the next step is marriage, not sex.
Some people start dating at a younger age, 12, 13, 14, in a (mostly) non-sexual relationship. These relationships don’t usually last very long, but not because it’s a non-sexual relationship, but because of the fact that they don’t yet understand what it means to be in a relationship. But if you and your partner understand what it means to be in a relationship (or at least what it means to both of you), and you keep and stand by your morals and your partner understands and respects what you believe in, i see no reason why your relationship won’t work out.
I get the bad feeling this website doesn’t classify other sexual orientations than straight, gay, and bi. There are asexuals, who don’t want sex, aromantics who just want a commited sex partner, demisexuals, etc
Woohoo! Go asexuals! I identify as a biromantic asexual, and I feel like there isn’t anything here for, which sucks.
Agreed. I feel that although this site tries to be inclusive, it often sidelines people and doesn’t take much care with the way some articles are worded. This article seems to be mostly focussing on if it’s okay to wait for sex until you’re ready and makes the assumption that all people will want sex at some point in a relationship. It would have been nice to see a greater acknowledgement of the existence of orientations besides gay, straight or bi in the article above instead of just presuming that everyone does indeed fall under one of those categories.
This. They don’t at all consider that there are people out there who genuinely are not sexual and don’t derive any pleasure/closeness from sex. They think they’re open-minded by reiterating that you shouldn’t have sex until you feel ready (I’m not sure this site would carry any credibility with its readers at all if they suggested giving in to pressures when you’re not ready, so they don’t really deserve a pat on the back for that). Not to mention that classifying a relationship as being normal only if it includes sex is pretty closed-minded, actually. “Normal” is very subjective. It wasn’t that long ago that homosexuality wasn’t considered “normal”, so many aspects of sex and sexuality wasn’t considered “normal” until very recently. Just because it’s something that that majority of people don’t do doesn’t necessarily mean that it’s abnormal and wrong.
I thought we learned from the times when people’s sex lives were so tightly policed. It’s like society goes in extremes with this; we’re either so repressed that any expression of sexuality is automatically condemned or we make it such a norm that it’s practically a social requirement for everyone to have sex lest they be considered an uptight prude if they don’t. Whatever happened to acknowledging and respecting different choices? I guess if you don’t follow the crowd you’re just screwed (no pun intended).
I’m a virgin waiting until marriage, but I do still believe that sex can be a very powerful thing. It is a very important part of a serious relationship, but in my opinion, it shouldn’t be rushed into. A sex-less relationship can still be wonderful. Eventually, though, a sexual relationship between partners should (and quite probably must) start in order for permanency. The amount of time it takes before sex depends on the couple. Most people won’t wait years in a relationship to have sex, but some will.
Yes, I absolutely think a sexless relationship is g8! After all sex does not equal love, rather in a healthy relationship, (preferably marriage) for so many reasons, it encompasses it. And while ur building a foundation for something that might turn into something serious, focusing on the emotional side is completely OK
I’m only 17 and plan on being a virgin until i’m married. I have had 2 great relationships and didn’t even makeout with either one of them. It’s perfectly fine.
I have dated the same guy since December 2009, so 3.5 years together and we’re both virgins. We are in-love with each other, but we’re both waiting for our wedding night. I’m sure we’re getting married to each other, but still it’s the way we were raised and it’s what we feel is right. We are both perfectly happy in our relationship and sex is not one factor at all.