My First (And Last) Time Bullying Someone

The night before my eighth grade graduation ceremony, I stayed up late writing cute letters to all ten of my best friends. We were leaving our small Catholic school and all going off to our own different high schools. Despite the fact that we had all written something in each other’s yearbooks, getting a handwritten note from someone meant you were really close. After the ceremony, we would pass out the letters, hug each other and cry a little bit.

But one letter that I was writing was going to make someone cry for an entirely different reason – the note to one of my best friends, M. M and I had been besties since we were in third grade, but for years we had done more fighting than getting along. I had finally made the decision that enough was enough: I didn’t want to be friends with her anymore.

While everyone else’s letters were filled with funny inside jokes, cute comments and lots of “I’ll miss you so much!” lines, M’s went something like this :

Dear M:

Sorry to tell you this, but I don’t want to be friends with you anymore. We fight all the time and I don’t think we should stay friends during high school. Sorry.

– Jessi

P.S. You can’t come to Fire Island with S and me in August

It stinks that I made someone cry. | Source: ShutterStock

Okay, so there was a little more detail than that, but basically I told her I didn’t want to be her friend and uninvited her to go on vacation with my family and our other friend. Thinking back, this was probably the nastiest way I could have ended our friendship. But my 13-year-old self didn’t see it that way. And so, after the ceremony, I handed out my letters and hugged all of my best girl friends. And when M came skipping up to me, gave me a hug and handed me my letter, I handed hers over without a second thought. Then, obviously, I ran in the opposite direction.

Later on, I heard that M went home and cried for hours while her mother tried to console her. The worst part was that, thanks to my letter and brutal honesty, she lost other friends besides just me. I was closer to everyone in our group than she was and so I kind of got everyone on my side before M could. We spent most of our time talking about her and making fun of her, and when she was around, she was basically ignored.

Truthfully, M was never a great friend to begin with. She was bossy, bratty, dramatic and super competitive. She was also extremely jealous of everything I did that didn’t include her. During middle school, my two very best friends were M and another girl named S. However, during the course of our friendship, S and I got super close while M was kind of left behind. M constantly complained about it and fought with us, and it drove me insane. S and I avoided her constantly, and we were always talking about her. I thought, why should I stay friends with someone like this? I couldn’t think of a reason not to tell her the truth.

A few months after writing M that letter, I started to miss her. Sure, she was annoying and kind of manipulative, but she also knew all of my secrets and had always been loyal to me. I felt horrible for what I had done to her, and eventually wrote her another note – this one saying how sorry I was. Our friendship never picked back up again, and to this day, we ignore each other.

Today, I read stories about bullying and feel disgusted by the terrible things kids do to each other. I’ve always prided myself on being a nice girl with way too much empathy for others, but looking back at the totally bitchy thing I did to M, I have to admit that I was once kind of a bully also. Thinking about that note makes me cringe, and I wish that I had been nicer to her. Because despite the fact that M was a total frenemy, I know that I still shouldn’t have ended things the way I did. There are much nicer ways to stop being friends with someone – for one thing, not ruining their eighth grade graduations or writing mean notes disguised as sweet ones.

Have you ever bullied someone? Have you ever been bullied? Have you ever ended a friendship? Tell me in the comments.

 

Are you being bullied? Here’s how to deal


Posted in: Confessions
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  • joselyn joeph

    All of 5th grade I was shunned because I had a heart problem and dyslexia. People told me to kill myself or run away.My life was miserable ever since.Now I have a boyfriend a stands up for me that is why I love him so much.

  • J

    Ok.. I feel bad about this almost every single day and I don’t want any hate over it. In the middle of this past school year, just minutes before the last bell rang, I was with my friend K (girl) and D (boy). K and D sit right behind me in that class and they were talking about something and I just turned around and entered the conversation. Somehow, it came up and K said “Are you gay?” To D. Everybody thinks D is, so I am assuming that’s how it came up. Then he chuckled and said no. Then I jokingly said “are you sure?” because a few months before that me and him were joking around about it and it didn’t hurt his feelings then. he gave a light laugh and said “yes”. then I thought I hurt his feelings. the bell rang and I walked out with him and he speed walked away. I ran to my locker, packed up my stuff and ran to his locker. I caught him just as he was walking out of the hallway. I called his name but he just walked away. im not sure if he heard me or not. then he looked back at me and I couldn’t tell/don’t remember if he was smiling or had a “holding it back” look on his face. the next day he wasn’t at school. all I was thinking was what did I do. K said he was on vacation which made me feel better, but that didn’t stop me from thinking about it all weekend. Monday I tried to act like nothing happened, and was extra nice to him. if I had known that he remembered it which I still don’t know, I would’ve apologized. but I was scared that if he didn’t remember it that then if I brought it up he would be sad and mad. I have nothing against gays, I personally think theyre some of the nicest people ever. and seriously D is one of the nicest people ive ever met. I didn’t mean anything against him or anybody, but I cant help but feel bad. πŸ™ im much better, but still kick myself over it.

  • Cyanveins

    Oh gosh this is just like me in 7th or 8th grade. I had a best friend but she constantly annoyed me- and like you said she was also “bossy, bratty, dramatic”. We would always bicker and put each other down. One day I was fed up because I had other friends and had tried to give me and her a little space. I thought if we spent less time together she wouldn’t get on my nerves as much. She came up to me and my group of other friends and I tried to have a unemotional response to whatever she said. Then she asked why I was acting so weird and I said,” You’re really annoying me. That’s it.” She then went off and cried with her other friends and I didn’t feel bad right away. The next day I felt completely horrible and we wouldn’t speak to each other. That night I texted her and told her how bad I felt. When we went to school (it was a morning pep rally) I apologized and almost started crying because we had been like sisters. We hugged and got over it and now we’re friends again (but not nearly as close). I am trying to be really nice to her, but she now puts me down alot AGAIN. I try to shrug it off. I know we’ll never be as close as we once were and I’m totally fine with it. We’ve both got new besties now and couldn’t be happier.

  • jess

    its bad what u did because she was a friend of u ,but all girlsmare bitchy sometimes even the sweeties πŸ™‚ ive bullied only one girl,but we were never friends,she was the schools biggest looser and wanna be,i hate wanna bees’ sooo anoying πŸ™‚

  • MiaDaBoss

    I was once best friends with this girl named Itzel that I knew since kindergarten,but ever since we went to the 5th grade,we both started to drift apart and hang out with other people.One day we both had an argument about me never going over to her house and hanging out with our other friends.Sooner or later we both weren’t friends and for prom we didin’t hang out,or for or 5th grade graduation we didin’t talk to one in other.Now that I’m going to the 6th grade I’m deciding to move on in world without Itzel.I’m actually glad that we’re not friends anymore cause she treated me more like an idiot than a friend.Plus she started to hang out with the popular girls in my class and she started to act differently around them when ever I hung out with them at school.So I’m relived that we’re not BFF’s anymore =)
    ~MiaDaBoss <3

  • G

    I have bullied the sane way as M… Just that they all said it to me together and it started like this:
    Me and J were besties since first grade and we never argued and stuff like that. We were like sisters. She had this Friend M wich was verry jelous of our friendship. I didn’t take much thaught in to it then, but a litle later she started to call me names , insult me and sometimes when i,m passing through her she would put her leg, so that i would trip. I’ve argued with her A LOT. So eventually we became the worst enemies.
    But one day i’ve had enough and i wanted to end this, so i went to her and apologized for what i have said, she did the same.
    After some time me, my BFF J and M became verry close friends(at least i rhougt so).We wold spend time together, have sleepovers and do almost everything together.
    On winter vacation i went to visit my grandparets is an other county for 2 weeks(school started about a week ago when i came back). We have contacted eachother on FaceBook every day, and i told them i’d bring them litle presents.
    When i came back to my class, I was so happy to see them again, and I gave those litle presents.
    I saw that that M was acting a little bit strange lately, so I took J for a moment and asked her wat’s up with her, because i knew M tells her everything. She looked at me like she was woried, and told me everythings fine.
    We came back and M (the girl that was my enemy) just came and told:
    – Look, we can not be friends any more, because you like make up and stuff.
    She actually said that to me( i knew that i liked to dress up nicely, do my hair, put on make up, wile M and J never cared about it at all). I was shocked.
    I called her names and stuff since i was verry angry and mostly sad. I also did the same to J because she lied to me. After that i ran to the toilet and started to cry for about 5 min. and after i decided to come back to my class.
    I asked my good friend E to sit with me. She understood me and my suffering.
    After two lessons i went to the toilet to blow my nose. After i came back I found M next to E.
    “I think we shouldn’be friends any more” said E.
    She went to sit next to J and M now, as I was left alone in my two seat desk alone.
    I’ve decided i would report sick to the school nurse, so that i could go home early.
    But before i had to write a test, in the next class.
    The hour was terifying because all the time i had to repeat to my self “Don’t start to cry in class’.
    After the test i wnt to the nurse and told her that i have a verry bad headache. It was good luck that she let me out.
    After i came home i cryed all day, and everytime i would think about it i woud cry.
    After all of that, I heard M gossiping about me to everyone. She even told “it’s so good that G doesn’t hae any friends any more”. This hurt me a Lot.
    Now i’m in a new school because i couldn’t take it any more. Even now when I have new friends, sometimes i remember it.

  • Aisling

    That’s not really bullying. It’s not like you hounded her and constantly put her down just to be mean. Yeah, it was a mean thing to do, especially on graduation day, but it’s not that big of a deal. You shouldn’t let everything bother you like that. I don’t even remember half of the friends I had in middle school.

  • Countrygurl

    Ohmygosh! I thought I was the only one that wrote notes to my friends at the end of the year! :O At the end of every school year I write letters to my 5-10 closest friends telling them how much they mean to me and how much I’ll miss them and I always include inside jokes and stuff πŸ˜› But then the bad part comes where all the other people who didn’t get one… Well you’ve gotta try to explain it to them without being mean. Sometimes they take it the wrong way but I’m just like “Well I’m sorry I don’t feel like we are that close, okay.”

    And wow, reading this made me think of what I said I was going to do on the last day of 8th grade…. I was going to write everybody (that I hated) a note and slip it in their locker (anonymously) telling them why I hated them and why they don’t deserve friends and how much of I bitch I think they are. And then they would never know it was me! I’m still deciding what to doo… Well I’ve got a whole ‘nother year left to decide.

  • basschick

    wow. this is horrible. everyone in this story it just…. MEAN. i am glad you feel bad about it, that was a really horrible thing to do. however, it was in the past. i hope neither one of you decide to be friends again because this seamed to be a very unhealthy relationship from the start. not just you and M, but the group as a whole… but i mean, maybe both of you will learn something from this experience. i hope you did (it seams like you are sort of saying you do) and hopfully she did as well.

  • Zoey

    I think that what you did was`nt much of a bullying situation, you didnt like her. I mean it could have been worse, you could have publicly humiliated her. Don`t feel so bad about it. πŸ™‚

  • Enn

    But that’s not bullying! Ok, it was quite a brutal way to end a friendship but just giving a letter to a frenemy, as you describe her, doesn’t constitute bullying- well not in my opinion anyway smh

  • Tanja98

    I was the M. in this story. I also had 2 BF’s, but they were living in other part of town, so we weren’t seeing each other so much. I think that they started to gather more each other than with me. We were going out sometimes, but they were more together. They were gathering secretly without me. I wasn’t supposed to know that but I found out when I went out with my cousin. Than they started using me, like copying homework [cause I had best marks in class, and they also did just because of me helping them cause I was afraid to be alone], but than I realized that they are not only two girls in the world and simply sat in other desk. Than we stopped talking and I think that they are happier now without me and they are almost most popular girls in school now. Now I live the life I always wanted. I don’t depend on anyone and I’m free πŸ˜€ Soon I’m going to High school and I’m gonna find new friends outa there πŸ™‚

  • Emily

    I’m on the receiving end at this very moment!