I won’t lie: parents love me. Over the year’s I’ve mastered the delicate art of charming a boy’s fam—always bring a gift! Compliment mom’s outfit! Pet the dogs!—but that doesn’t mean that I’m one hundred percent honest about what’s going through my head during a parental tete-a-tete. Are you…?
When You First See His (Unexpectedly Massive) House
She said: Oh what a lovely home! Those couches are great!
She meant: Omgomgomgomg—there’s no WAY he’s coming to my place until my mom buys even nicer couches, puts granite in the kitchen, retiles the bathrooms and hires a new kid to play my brother.
When His Mom Says “Oh, Call Me Julie!”
She said: Oh ha ha, Ok Mrs. Tru—I mean Julie!
She meant: Is this a trap? A test? Does she want to be BFFs or something? Is a Facebook request coming? Ugh.
When Mom Side Eyes Your Outfit
She said: SO, um, Jake tells me you two just got back from a cruise?
She meant: She hates that I’m wearing shorts. She can tell I haven’t shaved for two days. I should’ve rented a nun’s habit like my sister suggested.
When His Dad Asks About Your Hobbies
She said: Ya know, the usual. Sports, reading the Bible to orphans, Sober Driver Club president. The usual.
She meant: Reading tabloids, bedazzling my iPhone case, writing One Direction fan fiction, spending $100 at Forever 21 with my mom’s credit card then blaming my sister…
When They Ask About Your Parents
She said: Oh, my parents, um, they split up a few years ago soooo…OH WOW is that a tomato plant outside? Let’s talk about that! Tell me everything!
She meant: Great, now you think your son’s GF comes from a broken home and this whole romance will turn out like some awful Lifetime TV movie called “The Wrong Kind of Girl” or something.
When His Dad Asks About Your College Plans
She said: Well, I’ve applied a few places but I’m considering taking a gap year and maybe working.
She meant: WTF is the right answer to this? EVERYTHING IS A TRAP!
When His Mom Asks How You Met
She said: He helped me study for my chem quiz. I aced it and knew he was a keeper!
She meant: Actually we ended up making out after someone busted out a bottle of peach Schnapps after Winter Formal. But I guess that’s kind of science-y…anatomy, mostly.
Have you ever been introduced to your BF or GF’s parents? Let us know in the comments!