I spent the weekend with my best guy friend and certain things happened. Basically, we hooked up. But now he won’t talk to me. I don’t know what to do or say and it’s making me really upset. What should I do? Help!
Ugh, I’m sorry you’re in such an awkward situation with your friend right now. Know that you’re not alone – plenty of girls and guys go through this all the time. Unfortunately, mixing friendship with, um, sexual pleasure doesn’t always end well. It sounds like both of you are kind of freaking out about this, and that’s understandable. It sounds like neither of you knows how the other person feels, and you’re not sure how to act around one another.
First of all, how do you feel about this guy? Did you have feelings for him before you two hooked up? Do you have feelings for him now? Do you want to be in a relationship with him, or do you want to go back to being just friends? Before you say or do anything, you need to figure out how you feel and what you want. No matter how you feel, you need to let him know.
If you want to go back to being just friends with him and forget your hookup ever happened, tell him. It’s best to have these kinds of conversations in person, but if he’s ignoring you, then shoot him a text or a Facebook message saying something like, “Hey, last weekend was fun, but I’d love for us to stay just friends. Is that cool with you?” If he agrees, then let the awkwardness blow over for a few days before you talk again… and once you do start talking again, just act super casual. Eventually the weirdness will go away, and you two will be BFFs again.
If you think you want something more, you need to communicate that to him too, even if you’re scared to do so. Once again, the best way to talk about this would be in person – but if that’s not possible, try calling, texting or messaging him. You can say something like, “I had a really great time this weekend. Maybe we can do it again sometime?” If he blows you off completely, then cut your losses and move on – he’s so not worth it. But if he replies with a big “yes”, then make plans to hang out. Once you two start hanging or talking, let him know how you really feel and find out if he feels the same way.
Feel free to give yourself some time before you say any of these things. It’s possible that you both just need some time to cool off before you can talk again. But don’t just let your friendship end without even trying to salvage it – that’s something that you’ll definitely regret. And if he completely ignores you no matter what you try? Forget him. That means he wasn’t a real friend to begin with.
What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at firstname.lastname@example.org