I’m Really Self-Conscious About Receiving Oral Sex. Help!

Receiving Oral Sex

Don’t be freaked out by your lady bits! | Source: ShutterStock

Hi Heather,

My boyfriend and I have been going out for four months now. He’s fingered me, and I’ve given him hand jobs, but now he wants to go down on me. I would let him, but two things are wrong. One, I’m not completely comfortable with giving him oral, (which we’ve talked about, and he knows I’m not completely comfortable with the idea). And two, I’m SUPER self-conscious about… down there. Should I be self-conscious at all about it?

It’s totally normal to feel self-conscious about your body, especially your down-there region – it happens to all of us at one point or another. After all, that’s a pretty private part of you that not many people get to see. But here’s the thing: there’s no real reason to feel that way! Even if it doesn’t happen overnight, you should definitely learn to feel comfortable with your bod. I know that that can be easier said than done, but learning to love the body you were born with will make you happier in your relationships and with yourself.

Don’t feel like you’re the only girl who feels weird about her lady parts – letting a dude down there can be scary! But no matter what your area looks like, I’m sure it’s perfectly normal. I don’t know exactly what you feel most self-conscious about, but I can tell you that everyone’s body is different and not all vaginas are going to look or smell the same.

Maybe just stick with making out for now | Source: ShutterStock

Also, keep in mind that your boyfriend has kind of explored that area of you already, and if he thought something funky was going on down there, he wouldn’t be asking to give you oral sex. So if you’re worried about him getting grossed out or turned off, don’t be. Honestly, most dudes are so excited to be doing these sexual acts in the first place that they’re not really concerned with much else – just check out what Ethan had to say about guys judging a girl’s vagina if you have any doubt in that statement.

As much as I want you to accept and love your down-there area, feeling weird about receiving oral sex is a different story. If you don’t feel comfortable participating in oral sex, then don’t do it! Just because it’s with your boyfriend and it seems like the next logical step doesn’t mean you have to do it. If you’re already feeling totally uncomfortable with oral sex, you’re not going to enjoy it and it’s not going to be fun for you. Maybe you’re just not ready for oral sex, and maybe you’ll never be ready to do it… and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. Let your BF know exactly how you feel and don’t forget that this is your body and you decide who does what to it.

Just remember that you should never feel pressured into doing anything you don’t want to do. At the same time, don’t let your insecurities stop you from doing what you want. Learn to love your lady parts, because there’s nothing weird about them!

take care,

What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at heather@gurl.com


Why one girl wishes she knew it’s okay to say ‘no’
And don’t forget to follow us on Twitter!

Posted in: Help Me Heather, Love Advice
Tags: , , , , ,
  • A

    So my boyfriend loves the idea of going down on me but im just not all that confident about it. He said maybe if i shave ill be more confident about it because one thing i said to him was well theres a lot of hair down there. I know you aren’t supposed to. Shave their either.
    We have been in a LDR for 6 months.
    He fingered me before and I’ve even given him oral.
    But im not 100% comfortable with the idea of him giving me oral.
    Is that normal?

  • lauren Ovens.

    It is a scary experience ill give you girls that one but once you’ve done it once that’s the scare part over. If they ask to do it again you can’t be that bad down there 🙂 . Me and my partner enjoy doing it and get a lot out of doing so . Try not to feel embarrassed or anxious just relax and enjoy it.

  • sxydimplesgurl

    Its not that I dont like it. I love the feeling and I cum very quickly when my bf goes down on me. Its just that as girls we worry about how we might smell or if the guy would feel yuck when we become messy and wet. It is about allowing someone to take control of our vulnerability and its something we cant control. My bf is a lot older and he loves to see me cum when he goes down on me. I know he likes doing that but no matter how confident you are in that knowledge, you cannot help feeling a bit self conscious and nervous

  • Nikki

    I’m still uncomfortable with receiving oral sex, but I’m a little more comfortable now with giving it. I’ve found one of the best ways to make giving oral sex better is flavored lubes and sprays, available at any adult shop. Just find a flavor you like, I tend to favor watermelon and strawberry, and I even have a kiwi strawberry flavored one! They’re all safe for ingestion (Read the warning label if you’re skeptical, or the ingredients) and they really help mask the taste and texture of…well you know lol. Just enjoy yourself, I’ve found that, when I’m in the right mood, I’ll be begging to give my husband oral!

    • naughtylicious

      OMG I am glad this is being discussed. My first time I wus so self consioucs n embrassed n so shy. I was lying down and my bf had my legs open nd he started kissin me down there. He kept stickin his tonuge in n out n made me cum so much. I wus so embrassed I covered my face with my hands but i cudnt control my hips goin up n down. I had just met this guy and I was so worried wat he mite thnk abt my smell n taste and stuf. It was jst after a basket ball game nd I wus desperate to hav a shower but it all happend so quick. The feelin was great. It was awsum. But still it wus my first time n I wus so self consioucs. I dunno, I thnk it was the fact I wus gettin so wet n horney nd I cudnt do nethng abt it. he just kept sayin relax realax. nd yeah it felt gud but he stayd down there 4 a long long wile n evrytime I wud gush wen he made me cum and I wus like OMG OMG.
      Its been okay sinse but I still feel a bit self consioucs becoz I have a heavy discharge most of the time. He doesnt mind. 😛

      • halina

        hehehehe im 13 n I felt the same way. It felt real gud but OMG I didnt know what he mite think n stuff.

  • tburg

    i am really selfconcious of my boobs and my down there! i am so scared to do anything with my boyfriend cause i dont want him to be grossed out! and giving oral on him i feel like it would be really wierd and idk what i would do! lol i need advice!! badly!

  • Claudiiiaa

    My bf has gone down on me twice! It’s really kind of scary at first, time second time he begged me so after the longest time I decided to let him. I just try to enjoy myself and if he asked/begged then I must have been good lmao!
    Anyways, just enjoy yourself. 🙂

  • MorganGabrielle

    OH BOY! I am sooo self-conscious too! I’m glad this was covered in the website. haha.
    I’m just grossed out when i think about giving a guy oral… I mean, just idk i can’t explain it.

  • Equestrian

    Omigosh! Thank goodness someone feels the same way. I thought I was the only one who felt weird about getting oral. I don’t let my boyfriend do it and I don’t really feel to comfortable with giving oral either. I’m always worried I’ll hurt him or something, and it’s just kinda strange.