My boyfriend and I have been going out for four months now. He’s fingered me, and I’ve given him hand jobs, but now he wants to go down on me. I would let him, but two things are wrong. One, I’m not completely comfortable with giving him oral, (which we’ve talked about, and he knows I’m not completely comfortable with the idea). And two, I’m SUPER self-conscious about… down there. Should I be self-conscious at all about it?
It’s totally normal to feel self-conscious about your body, especially your down-there region – it happens to all of us at one point or another. After all, that’s a pretty private part of you that not many people get to see. But here’s the thing: there’s no real reason to feel that way! Even if it doesn’t happen overnight, you should definitely learn to feel comfortable with your bod. I know that that can be easier said than done, but learning to love the body you were born with will make you happier in your relationships and with yourself.
Don’t feel like you’re the only girl who feels weird about her lady parts – letting a dude down there can be scary! But no matter what your area looks like, I’m sure it’s perfectly normal. I don’t know exactly what you feel most self-conscious about, but I can tell you that everyone’s body is different and not all vaginas are going to look or smell the same.
Also, keep in mind that your boyfriend has kind of explored that area of you already, and if he thought something funky was going on down there, he wouldn’t be asking to give you oral sex. So if you’re worried about him getting grossed out or turned off, don’t be. Honestly, most dudes are so excited to be doing these sexual acts in the first place that they’re not really concerned with much else – just check out what Ethan had to say about guys judging a girl’s vagina if you have any doubt in that statement.
As much as I want you to accept and love your down-there area, feeling weird about receiving oral sex is a different story. If you don’t feel comfortable participating in oral sex, then don’t do it! Just because it’s with your boyfriend and it seems like the next logical step doesn’t mean you have to do it. If you’re already feeling totally uncomfortable with oral sex, you’re not going to enjoy it and it’s not going to be fun for you. Maybe you’re just not ready for oral sex, and maybe you’ll never be ready to do it… and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. Let your BF know exactly how you feel and don’t forget that this is your body and you decide who does what to it.
Just remember that you should never feel pressured into doing anything you don’t want to do. At the same time, don’t let your insecurities stop you from doing what you want. Learn to love your lady parts, because there’s nothing weird about them!
What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at firstname.lastname@example.org