I Wish I’d Never Had Revenge Sex

I had revenge sex

I wanted revenge at ANY cost! | Source: Shutterstock

There hadn’t been any of those your-boyfriend-is-totally-about-to-dump-you signs. None of my friends had warned me that they thought it might happen anytime soon. He hadn’t mentioned any “problems in our relationship” at all. It’s safe to say that I wasn’t expecting to be single by the time I got home from school that day—but I sure was.

You’ve got to understand, this is my first serious high school boyfriend we’re talking about. You know, the one who I planned on marrying? The one I lost my virginity to? The one that I imagined being with for forever? Yep, that was him. One day we were perfect and the next we were over.

The following day at school I anticipated the worst: Passing each other awkwardly in the hall, having to sit near him at lunch and not laugh when he said something funny, him knowing that I had been crying during the minutes before class. But that “worst” doesn’t even come close to what really happened. Ready for it? Are you sure?

HE WAS WITH ANOTHER GIRL. Like really? How could he be so awful to me? They were holding hands and even kissing during passing period. I wanted to die. Cue the combination of humiliation and depression. Obviously our relationship had meant nothing to him–when to me, it was one of the most important things in life. How could I have been such an idiot for letting him mess with my emotions that way. I wasn’t sad anymore, I was livid. And I needed to find some way to get even with him.

If he thought he could just go off and be with another girl so quickly after our relationship was over, that sure meant that I could do the same with another boy. But not just any boy, I wanted to make sure that it was the one person that would hurt him the most—one of his best friends.

I knew which one to pick immediately; he had always been someone that my ex-boyfriend was jealous of. Without consulting my friends, I texted him the next day, asking if he wanted to hang out, but I’m sure he knew that I meant something more. When he came over, I was ready. There had always been some sexual tension between us but now, with my boyfriend out of the picture, nothing was stopping us . . . or me from having revenge sex.

I felt TERRIBLE afterwards. | Source: Shutterstock

We kissed and it was really great, but it just didn’t feel right. His hands moved up my shirt and I liked how it felt but hated that it was him at the same time. I went down on him and wanted to make it fantastic for him, wanted him to finish, but only so the news would get back to my ex boyfriend. By the time we had sex, I don’t even know what I was thinking. I only knew that revenge sex wasn’t what I pictured it would be.

It was such a convoluted experience of things I thought I wanted and the emotions that only made me realize how bad of an idea it had all been. I felt dirty and wrong. Believe me, the sex was good while it was happening (when isn’t it?), but the way it made me feel after was so not what I expected. Revenge sex is NOT all it’s cracked up to be in the movies.

I wanted to go back in time and forget the whole thing. I wished that I could have found ANY other way to get over this relationship. Anything besides having revenge sex. I just wish I had known that it would have felt so wrong. If I had, I would never have done it in the first place.

Have you ever had revenge sex, or have you been tempted to do something else super bad to get revenge on an ex? What was it, and how did it make you feel? Do you regret having revenge sex? Tell us everything in the comments!

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  • Cunegonde Amedee

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  • Fernando

    I have a sincere question that bothers me occasionally,
    My gf and I have been together 6 years but 3 years ago I lied to her about a friend of mine so that she would not be upset when we spent time together and she found out. I lied to her face and betrayed her trust in a horrible way. But I never cheated on her nor did I even imagine doing anything with this girl, she was simply a friend. Unfortunately I made my gf feel unwanted and we have had many fights over this girl because she has forbidden to contact her and somehow I screw up everytime. On one of our last fights she left me and demanded I give her back anything that represented our relationship so that I have nothing to remember us by. I refused because even though it was over, they were things I could remember some of the best years of my life by. She said to return them all “or else”. I asked what else she could do to me at this point after leaving me?
    In the end she said ” I will show you how it feels to have this pain, expect a call tomorrow at 2″
    I was livid, infuriated, filled with such rage and depression at the same time.
    I called her back only to find out that she would find someone to have sex with by tomorrow and call me to have me listen or leave a voicemail.
    I took back the things immediately.

    Now, we worked things out that very night.
    But this has traumatized me, I had nightmares for a full week, I shake as i type this and i indeed feel the pain she felt already.
    Reason being is that she is by far one of the most innocent people i have ever met in my life, i am the first man she has ever hugged or even kissed, and we are abstinent until marriage. I had caused so much pain in her that she was willing to have sex with a complete stranger to get back at me. She believed the main reason I took back the things was because she had never had sex with me but would with another man, but I was almost willing to let that happen, but i took back the things because i knew that it would ruin her life, she would have been filled with regret forever and i gave her what she wanted so that she would not have to do this.

    We are very happy right now but i have broken her trust too many times, we love each other very much and we are perfect together, we are still together because of this. Except she keeps bringing up my past mistakes and I am having trouble getting 100% over her revenge sex threat.
    How can we move past this?

  • Rebecca

    I’ve engaged in revenge sex MANY times and usually it WAS like what you see in the movies. Then again, I don’t allow myself to get attached to guys once they reject me. I’m rather cold that way. I can be very loving thru the whole relationship, but wrong me and…I am capable of turning off my emotions like a light switch.

    In times when I wasn’t good enough to actually get a guy to have revenge sex with me, I lied and said I did, just to spite the cheating ex.

  • Jemz-Got-Issues

    omg this is like a book seriously!!! I WANT TO READ THE NEXT BOOK!!!!!
    was he mad? did his mate tell him? OMG SPILL!!!!!!

  • IQuarus

    Well, I noticed in the comments about people asking if the guy was hurt, well I have a *possible* answer. Being a guy and never being in a relationship . . . Or kissing a girl (L-I-P-S) I am guessing; kind of. I only know of letting girls down, due to lack of attention (Curse: ADHD) but that’s a story for a different time… Basically, I thought of the situation and hypothesized my reaction; If the person was indeed my best friend and she was indeed my most loved, but I let her go for another girl… My friend would come to school and depending on how he set it, this is how I would react;
    Tells everyone in a “story” fashion; A big “Fuck You”
    Bashes me for hurting someone; Feel like shit; “I know, what have I done?”
    Brags to me; Punch him.
    Jokes with it to me; “Wow, realllllll cool.” Feeling empty.

    Hope this helped. Also, I’ll recount my let-down stories in case anyone wants to hear how a guy screwed up from his point of view: only if requested XD. Also, my high school description is; “Innocent guy.” -Just so you know where I’m coming from.

  • icantloveu

    TELL US!! DID HE GET MAD? HURT? did he come to ur house furiously and have sex wit chu? <33 😉

    • Mardonio

      I feel sorry for her, because a lot of teens sadly face this, where they don’t even rembmeer what happened. Most teens talk about their first times being special and romantic , when half of the time they lose their virginity in a car or on a camping trip. She was a Christian girl with a very Republic mom, who obviously didn’t care about proper sexual education. My mom told me all about sex considering mine mother lost her’s when she was 17 to her boyfriend (no, I am not the outcome of it LOL, I was born about 13 years later) and they didn’t last, obviously. No teen pregnancy relationships last, honestly. Some do, but not most. The guy normally isn’t even in love with the girl, and he only marries her because it’s the right thing . My mom told me about how I should tell her if I’m going to have sex in my teens, because she wants to make sure I don’t get pregnant and get proper protection. Teens need to get educated, or they’ll turn out like Janelle or something from Teen Mom.

  • A Dude

    You girls seriously take things like this so seriously?! Grow up!!! You and your bf broke up, and he was with another girl the next day. Who cares?! You were just jealous and you’re a whore

    • icantloveu

      u are so mean i cant beleve u

      • Valeria

        My boyfriend and I broke up very rnecetly. We dated for 4 years. We’re also seniors in high school, and I knew we had to end it. Things were complicated and we just didn’t want the same things for our future. It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do, but I knew it had to be done.

    • Jiah

      She’s not a whore. If she’s a whore then so is the guy. Don’t take a girls virginity then dump her and move onto the next virgin the day after.

  • Reggie

    This seriously just sounds like something I just did. I found out my ex (my first time too and first serious high school boyfriend) had sex with another girl and was seeing one after he made out with me and asked me to sleep over. A couple days later I had revenge sex with another guy to hurt him like he hurt me.

  • Kinslay

    Well? Did it get back to your ex-boyfriend? Was he jealous? Hurt? You can’t leave us hangin Gurl!

  • June

    My situation is pretty similar to yours. I started dating my ex-boyfriend’s best friend after we split. We’d been dating for a little over a year, and we were both unhappy with the relationship. In the past I had issues about him spending a lot of time with another girl, and he assured me that it was just platonic. Then, I found out that they went on a date and made out with her the day after he dumped me, and I was seething.

    After two months of getting over the trauma, and trying my best not to do crazy shit, I began dating my best friend, who just so happened to be his best friend, too. My ex and his friends constantly believed that I did it only to make him jealous, but we’ve been going out for almost four months now, and he treats me with so much more love and respect than my ex ever did. I’m the happiest I’ve ever been!

    • Jasmine

      Well, I’m happy for u June. Guys can be such aholes. I’m glad u found someone to love you like u deserve to be loved!