What Not To Put In Your Vagina

in your vagina

Don’t put any old thing in your vagina–especially not drugs! | Source: Shutterstock


Here’s a little story about why you should be careful with what you put in your vagina, girls.

A woman pulled over as a passenger in a traffic stop got arrested for being caught with weed and lotsa pills–but it got scarier once she got the police station. This woman was also smuggling a whole load of oxycodone pills … in her vagina! What the eff?! If the pill capsules broke, this chick could have died. Not smart, ladies!

Listen, it’s up to you what you put in your vagina. But try not to put anything in there that could kill you. And dude, there’s all kinds of awesome things you can put in your vagina that aren’t illegal or dangerous!

Here are some things we’d recommend putting in your vagina, if you’re so inclined:
 
 

Fingers!

They can be yours or someone else’s. Just make sure if they’re going in your vagina that the hands are clean, the person is cool, and the nails aren’t sharp. Ouch!

 
 

Sex toys!

As long as it’s clean (and, if necessary, charged up), all shapes, sizes, colors, and mechanisms of sex toys are welcome in your vagina, whether you’re flying solo or hooking up with a partner you trust.

 
 

A real, live penis!

If you dig a guy and he digs condoms (and getting tested!), and you feel like you’re ready, feel free to put his junk in your vagina. Just be responsible. But you knew that, because you’re smart. By the way: Note that a real one probably won’t be quite as hard as the one pictured here!
 
 
And here are some things you shouldn’t ever put in your vagina:

 

Drugs or alcohol

From vodka-soaked tampons to oxycodone pills like the crazy lady who got arrested, just because something fits in your vagina doesn’t mean it should go in your vagina. Putting anything chemical in your vagina is super dangerous–not only could you potentially OD or worse, it also opens you up to a whole lot of infections and irritation. And that will make putting anything else in your vagina a lot harder and more painful later.

 
 

Food

Food in the bedroom can be a turn on, sure. But putting food of any kind in your vagina isn’t the best idea: some foods are acidic, which can irritate your skin and pH balance (and be super uncomfortable). And if a guy insists he needs something literally edible to go down there, then that’s a guy who shouldn’t be anywhere near your vagina–let alone thinking of getting in your vagina. Just because a prickly pear is edible doesn’t mean it belongs down there. Yowza!

 
 

Douches

Whether it’s the Summer’s Eve kind or The Situation variety, you do not want a douche in your vagina. The literal douches will cause irritation and screw up the natural balance in your vagina, causing irritation and infections. Figurative douches don’t deserve to be in your vagina–and if they do get there, they won’t treat you with respect (and will, like their literal counterparts, cause irritation of a different kind!). To reiterate: Never, ever let a douche of any kind in your vagina.

What’s the weirdest thing you’ve heard of someone putting in their vagina? Have you ever considered putting something weird in your vagina? Tell us in the comments!

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  • Gail

    I work in the medical field and one time we had a female come into the ER; she had a coca cola bottle stuck in her vag. The doctor had to extract it since it was stuck in there and she couldn’t get it out. It was really funny watching her waddle in with that big dress on……

  • Gail

    I am a hospital worker and we had a woman come into the ER once with a coca cola bottle shoved in there. It created a vacuum and the doctor had to extract it.

  • oratilwe

    I think my bf aint satisfied with the size of my v.gay-v.gay how do I reduce it?

    • Gail

      Kegel exercises…..

  • Kendall

    I put a water bottle and a maker before

  • BaNNy

    I once put a few things in my vagina (but not anymore) snuff, carrots, boiled eggs, cucumber

  • BOY

    I AM 9995516899

  • dallasdoll

    at a party once i put a harmonica in mine. then a hard boiled egg. i was smashed and do not reccomend.

  • Paulina

    A small bottle of lotion? Mascara?

  • Robert

    Almost makes me wish I had a vagina.

  • lola

    Ive seen my cousin put spaghetti in her vagina

    • Katy

      That’s gross!!!!

  • Kaela

    I put (not the side that you use to shave), but I put the end of a shaver in my vagina. Is this dangerous?

  • anonomous

    Twizzlers candy

  • izzi

    I stuck the end of a hairbrush and my phone.

  • Jacqueline Wilcox

    can i shove a marker in it?

  • amber smiling

    I had sex with my boyfriend and we where in the school bathroom and a hot lady came in and started having sex with us . it was an amazing tree-som. we where only 13 and the lady 25.

    • Your parents

      Are you still 13? Your spelling is shit m8.

  • Maddie

    I used a drumstick a few times. It made me bleed a lot. But I did it a few more times to be safe.

    • Katy

      What is that????