I’ve been dating my boyfriend for one year and I spend a lot of time with him. I know my best friend gets mad about it sometimes. So how can I make time for my boyfriend and my best friend without making either of them feel jealous?
It’s great that you realize that you need to make time for both of these super important people in your life. Sometimes, a new relationship is so fun and time consuming that it’s easy to forget about your friends. I’m sure you have other things going on in your life besides just your boyfriend and best friend, so honestly, it might take a little work to keep them both happy, but that doesn’t mean it’s impossible.
The first thing you should do is talk to both of them, separately. Tell your BF that while you love spending tons of time with him, you need to make a little room in your schedule for your BFF. Explain that she misses you and her friendship is important to you, so you need to set aside a few days a week for just girl time. If you feel like you’ve been a little absent from your BFF’s life, apologize. Let her know that while you might not always be around as much as you used to be, you’ll do your best to be there as often as possible.
Next, try to make a schedule. Is there a specific day of the week you and your BF always hang out, like Tuesdays and Saturdays? If so, set aside your Tuesdays and Saturdays for your boyfriend… and your Mondays and Fridays for your bestie. You don’t have to stick to that schedule every single week, but having plans in advance will definitely help you manage your time better.
If you go a few days without seeing one of them, make sure you keep in touch. It can be a long phone call before bed, or even something as simple as a quick text message. This will probably apply more to your BFF, but just keep her updated with what’s going on if you’ve been with your boyfriend for a few days. A quick, “Hi, miss you!” text will make her realize you haven’t forgotten her and pushed her to the side.
Oh, if you do make plans in advance, try your hardest to keep them. Don’t blow off your bestie just because you want to cuddle with your boyfriend – that will leave her feeling totally left out and angry. Also keep in mind that while it’s fine to bring your BF along once in a while, don’t make your BFF feel like a third wheel during every hang-out sesh.
Lastly, remember that your main job in life is not to keep these two happy. Sometimes, there’s always going to be one disappointed person, and that’s not your fault. While you should be making time for both of them, you shouldn’t be killing yourself to keep a smile on their faces. Your happiness matters, too!
What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at firstname.lastname@example.org