So, I have this friend who is honestly a really nice person. But lately she has been getting on my nerves. I’m with her almost every day, because we go to the same school and take dance together. We also just recently got a job at the same place, so now we work together. She follows me around at work when I know she could be finding something else to do. She’s always asking me to hang out more.
I keep lying and telling her I can’t because I’m not allowed out. But really, after school, dance and work, I just want to relax and spend some time with myself or my other friends who I’m closer to. It feels wrong to keep blowing her off like this, but I don’t want to hurt her feelings. Is there a polite way to say no? Or should I just tell her the truth?
I don’t blame you for being annoyed with your friend. Clingy friends are just as irritating as a clingy boyfriend can be. Every girl needs some time to herself or time to spend with other people – hanging with one person every day isn’t healthy for anyone, so you don’t have to feel guilty about not wanting to be with her all the time.
That being said, you should realize that this girl obviously thinks you’re super awesome and it sounds like she considers you a really good friend, even if you don’t feel exactly the same way. It sounds like you still want to be her friend, you just want her to back off a little bit. Since she seems to like you so much, be gentle but firm when you’re trying to get your point across. You should also talk to her sooner rather than later – otherwise, you might just snap one day and give her a nasty remark that will really hurt her feelings.
A little white lie about being busy isn’t a big deal when you do it once in a while, but if you’re lying to this girl every day, that’s taking the easy way out. Not only is it probably exhausting for you to keep up with these fibs, but if she finds out you lied, she’s going to get really upset. When she asks you to hang out after work, dance or school, be honest with her. If you have other plans with other friends, say that. If you just want to go home and watch a movie, say that. And if she asks to join, either explain that you’re tired and want to relax on your own, or that you need some time to catch up with your other friends.
If she keeps pushing you, maybe try distancing yourself from her a little bit. If she follows you around at work, suggest that she find something more productive to do, or talk to your boss about it. And if she’s really still bothering you after a while, you need to be totally honest and tell her she needs to back off a little because you’re feeling smothered. Explain that you like spending time with her at school, dance and work, but you have a lot of other things going on, and you can’t always be there for her.
It might be hard to be honest in this way, but in the end, it’s the right thing to do. Lying and blowing her off isn’t going to to solve anything – but by being truthful, you’re showing her respect. Believe it or not, that’s nicer then making up excuses.
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