My Boyfriend Is A Homophobe And I’m Not. What Do I Do?

My boyfriend is a homophobe

Would you be okay with a homophobic BF? | Source: ShutterStock

Hey Heather,

My boyfriend is a homophobe. I don’t understand why though. He and his family always say how gays shouldn’t be allowed to do certain things. I usually just ignore him when he makes comments like that, but they truly upset me. I believe that every person is equal and should have the same rights and what not. So what should I do about the comments and him? I don’t think I’ll be able to change his opinion, but I wish I could.

I just have to say that I think it’s great that you don’t agree with your boyfriend on this issue. We’re not down with homophobia here at, as we also believe that everyone deserves equal rights and people should be able to love whoever they want. That being said, we do recognize that homophobia is unfortunately still an issue in today’s world, and dealing with homophobic people can be super difficult.

How serious are you and your BF? If you really love him and want to make this relationship work, then you need to talk to him about his homophobic comments. Be honest with him and tell him that you completely disagree with his views on gay people – and you would appreciate it if he kept his opinions to himself. Let him know it makes you feel super uncomfortable to hear him talk badly about this issue. You shouldn’t just be ignoring him and keeping quiet if this is something that really upsets you. If he truly respects you and cares about you, he’ll keep his thoughts on homophobia quiet.

Fighting Couple

What do you do when you disagree? | Source: ShutterStock

Don’t be afraid to stand up for yourself and your opinions here. That also means you’re totally allowed to defend gay people when his family says things also. If they get mad that you have a different opinion than they do, that’s their problem and not yours. It may sting at first, but in the end, you’ll feel better that you stood up for what you believe in.

Keep in mind that you are probably never going to be able to change your BF’s opinion. If he insists on talking about it even after you’ve told him how you feel, that’s a bigger issue. Your BF should never be doing things that he knows will make you upset or uncomfortable – that’s just not cool, and it shows a lack of respect. If you can’t deal with his opinion, maybe it’s time to consider a split.

If breaking up doesn’t feel like an option to you, then just remember that you should always feel free to speak up and tell him to hush up. Ignoring him is never going to make you feel better.

take care,

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Posted in: Help Me Heather, Love Advice
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  • Anon

    Yes, I believe his opinions will not change. Yes you should voice your opinion that it is making you feel uncomfortable. However do not expect him to just stop. He should honor your request, but it will take some time. However if you truly believe in equality, then try to make some steps in equaling out the male female social standards. If you do not know what I mean then obviously there is nothing you think should be fixed.

  • Daisy

    I had the same problem with my boyfriend when we started dating. Voice your opinion and show him that what he is thinking isn’t right. I didn’t force my views upon him, but from just being around me and some of my friends he became much more accepting. My boyfriend has come a long way from when I met him. He was very conservative and he is definitely more moderate now. If he really loves you, he will accept your opinions and respect you.

  • LilBD

    I think you need to talk with him about it. as Heather said his view probably won’t change however he needs to know the comments make you uncomfortable and are offensive. I believe everyone is entitled to their own view (though I disagree with your bf on this) so you shouldn’t let it become an issue in your relationship. He should respect your wishes to keep from this insulting talk and you should respect his opinion no matter how disagreeable.