Confession: I Stalk My Boyfriend’s Ex On Facebook

Facebook Stalker

We’ve all done it at LEAST once. | Source: ShutterStock

The other day, I was hanging out with my boyfriend, when he innocently asked me, “What shoe size are you?”

“Size 6. Why?” I replied.

He shrugged. “Just wondering. Some girl on Facebook is selling a pair of Michael Kors shoes, but they’re a size 5.5.”

Immediately, an alarm went off in my head. “Some girl” was selling those shoes on Facebook? Normally, that wouldn’t have bothered me in the slightest bit, but I just so happened to know for a fact that “some girl” was actually his ex-girlfriend. How did I know? I stalked her Facebook, of course.

Before my brain told my mouth to shut up, I had already made a sarcastic remark about it to him. He stared at me in shock, and then said, “How do you know she was selling them? You’re not even friends with her!” I shrugged and admitted the truth: I had looked at her page anyway.

Yes, I it’s true: I’m a Facebook stalker. Okay, before you call me crazy, let’s all take a minute to admit this: we’ve all indulged in a little Facebook stalking at one point. And by “at one point,” I actually mean all the time. If you have a Facebook account (and if you don’t, I’m very jealous), you know how ridiculously easy it can be to snoop around and look at other people’s pages – especially when those other people are your boyfriend’s exes.

Now, my first thought while arguing with my boyfriend about this was that maybe I shouldn’t have admitted to stalking his ex. But then I thought, what’s the big deal? We ALL Facebook stalk, and we all know it! I don’t know about you, but my girlfriends and I talk about it all the time. I can’t count how many times a friend has begged me to add their crush or their BF’s ex so that they could log onto my page and do a little quality stalking. I also know more than a handful of people who have actually created fake accounts in order to snoop more effectively… okay, maybe that one is a little over the top.

Girls on Computer

Do you admit it to your friends? | Source: ShutterStock

Listen, it’s not like I’m checking out my BF’s ex’s page every single day – I’m really not. Every once in a while, I get curious or I see her name pop up somewhere on my newsfeed, and I look at it. It’s mainly out of pure curiosity. Yeah, I’ve seen most of her pictures and I’ve showed them to all of my BFFs, but I don’t want to know everything about this girl’s life. And I’m not doing it to check up on my boyfriend either. I’m just curious about the chick he dated before me, and that’s totally normal.

I also don’t reserve my stalking just for the girls my BF has smooched before me. If I see a random girl I don’t know write on my BFF’s wall, I’ll check out her page. If I see a dude creeping on my little sister, I look at his pictures. If I see my brother flirting with a new girl, I look at her page. And so on. I’m not doing this to be creepy, weird or psycho-ish. I’m doing this because the info is there, and I’m curious. And I know most of you do the same thing.

If you’re FB stalking obsessively, like every single day; and making weird fake profiles to look at people you’re not friends with, then that’s when things get out of hand. But if you just let yourself indulge in some stalker time once in a while, I really don’t think it’s that big of a deal. And now that the secret’s out to my boyfriend, I’ll admit it to everyone: I’m a Facebook stalker and (kind of) proud.

Do you ever Facebook stalk? Have you ever looked at a boyfriend’s ex’s page? Would you ever make a fake profile or login to one of your friend’s accounts to look at a page? Let me know in the comments!

 

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  • Larry

    Sounds like you wrote an article to justify your own insecure, crazy actions.The reason you think everyone does it is because secure women don’t hang out with you, other don’t want to tell you and you surround yourself with like-mind pll looking to feel good about it.

    Did your boyfriend dump you after this? I would. What a miserable lifetime a guy would have with such an insecure busybody. If you stopped stalking and actually had a life you might be interesting enough that your boyfriend would pay attention to his exes.

    Grow up. Get a life. See a therapist and look into some anxiety medicine.

    • Jessica Booth

      Aw, it sounds like you need to get over yourself.

  • Sofia

    I have noticed that my ex girlfriend blocked me on facebook and then created a fake profile and added me as friend to, maybe, spy on me.

    I would like to know that what does this act of hers imply?
    Thanks.

  • Ericka Malmstroms

    I’ve never made a fake profile but I know people who have. I thing it’s a childish thin to do!

  • Ericka Malmstroms

    My boyfriends ex sent me a friends request on twitter under the name shakin. I accepted it not knowing it was her. Than I took it off thinking it was spam and that my FB accnt was hacked before. I looked this morning and the person added the name shannon which is my boyfriend’s ex from 13+ years ago. She chased us down in the old port while with friends one night when she was engaged to be married and had sent been with my boyfriend for 7 years. At that time we had been together for 6 years. Now what is her issue? Can someone let me know. I have no problems with this person and she has asked a few years back when we’re getting married after she got married. Why does she care? Any advice?

  • Sammy

    I know how all of you feel. I have been checking out my boyfriend’s ex’s page ever since I saw it. He was tagged in a ton of her photos, still had old profile pics of them etc. He never cleaned up his fb after they broke up and I met him online through a dating site so it all made for a recipe for an online stalking disaster. To add to it, he was not over her when we met and still worked in the same office as her. I made him clean up the page and get rid of all the tags and references to her, had him defriend her friends etc. Nothing worked to get me to stop looking. It is a curiosity, one that never seems to be satisfied. He is now even my fiance and the ring doesn’t seem to matter. At first I did nothing but insult her, thought she was ugly, fat, badly dressed etc. Obviously these are my own insecurities but also just a bewilderment as to why such a great giy was so stuck on such a lame girl. I confessed everythig to him which made him very angry but it didn’t stop me. I have come to several conclusions, the main one being being that he compared me to her a lot in the beginning of our relationship. He didn’t know that I knew that he was referring to her because I had stalked her fb. Anyway this has gone through several stages. From hating her to wanting to be nice to her, to feeling bad for being such a meanie, etc. I can’t figure it out. What I do know is that it has nearly caused us to break up and has driven me crazy. Reading your confessions has helped me though. Thanks for your honesty. If anyone has good advice please help. I am better than this!

  • Jazz

    My boyfriend just found out I was looking at two of his exes on fb. He was very upset and hasn’t spoken to me n 2 days. I didn’t think about how it would make him feel. That was selfish of me. I feel curious/nosey to see for myself about her. I don’t look everyday but I look. We have been together for over 6 months. But I know the effect she had on his life and how much she did mean to him. Which just increases my curiosity. But I never anticipated his reaction when he found out what was going on. Now I’m not sure how he’s going to handle this new info. He could dump me which makes me feel stupid for letting my curiosity get the best of me. He only found out because I wasn’t hiding it. But I wasn’t forthcoming either. I love him and I’m not sure how to fix this. #imessedup

  • k

    i dont why i stalk my ex bf’s fiance now !! is that normal ?

  • mr.goat

    Is there nothing on TV you dimwitted shallow insecure child? problem 100,001 with social digital networking and lack of ideas of your own.

  • Kassady Davidson

    I ahve experienced this first hand! My EX boyfriends NEW girlfriend created a facebook profile to stalk and send harrassing messages to my facebook page. I find it to be completely insane. He and Iare NOT together so why go throug the trouble to do so? Could it be that she found soe text message from HIM to ME tlling me that he loves and misses me and that is tired of her and that he madea mistake by being with her? Either way, I got my phone number changed and would not give it to him EVEN THOUGH we hve a child together. He has even gone so far as to contact my niece and beg her to talk to me and call him on 3 way so he cn speak to me because I wont give him my new number. To me, she is jealous and insecure. Afterall, he was cheating on me with HER!!! So she has known about me for years! What do yu think

  • Harriet Stigner

    I’m writing a feature for Cosmopolitan UK about this exact topic, would you be prepared to be interviewed? It would be a good opportunity to promote gurl.com to UK readers?

    Harriet x

  • Margie

    I do facebook stalk now! lol My boyfriend and I were close friends on FB, with each other’s names in the relationship status…the whole bit. We both posted mushy loving pic’s and comments everyday. Until I noticed one day that every picture he posted of me was ‘customized’. I then noticed that his friends list was hidden from me as well. When I asked him why, he said that he hid his friends list out of respect and privacy of his friends and he just customized photos of me so that only his aquaintences couldn’t see me because he really didn’t know some of them that well. I realize now that you can customize photos so that specific people cannot see your photos, particularly his other girfriend!!!! He finally screwed up as all cheaters do. His other girlfriend, (who I didn’t know existed) posted a picture of herself at his house and when he “liked” it, I of course got a notification saying that he liked so and so’s picture.

    My advice: be suspicious if your boyfriend hides their friends’ list, customizes photos etc. I know that there is nothing I would post or comment on, on FB that I would need to hide from anyone, so why should he?

    • Priscilla

      My boyfriend had done the same thing…when we first accepted me onto his OFFICIAL facebook and deleted the “alternate account” he had hid his relationship status from his ex and a few others. I already knew he did and it did bother me so I did say something and I think he unblocked it from her. And to the person that posted this, I know what you’re going through because honestly speaking I facebook stalk his ex constantly, we aren’t friends on facebook but a common friend that we both know is friends with her, I had asked her for permission to have access to her account. She gave it to me, ever since then I have been constantly watching her and observing her. Why? I honestly don’t know, I guess reasoning would be that I just want to see her fail and fall hard on her face. I hate her with a passion. This girl is so, insecure..she’s schizophrenic, she’s also a liar too. She lies all the time about a lot of things including about how old she is. This little girl is only 15, she just turned 15 recently too. Sadly, she’s one of those teens who act, dress, and do things to make themselves look and seem older. After her time with my boyfriend, soon to be fiance..she has changed her guys and her relationship like socks. I often laugh at her because she can’t hold down a relationship. For I have been in mine for a year now. I even went as far as spoken with two of the “exes” that she “dated” they both said that she was a liar and one of them said that she was crazy. Speaking of lying, which she still does..she had made a video called “LIARS” which she talks about how she “used” to do it and that it isn’t right…yada yada yada…
      I laughed hard when I saw that video..btw she’s the bitch on the left of her bitch in crime with glasses.

      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dRMOC2SBTVg

      • Priscilla

        By the way, he was 17 when he dated her, she lied to him and said that she was 16. When in reality, she was 13. It was already too late and they were dating..he never had sex with her thank god…but that’s good too…He could have gotten in trouble for being with her because he was gonna be turning 18..and she’s still a CHILD.

  • Anni

    Omg! Yea iv done this. Thank u for writing this i thought I was a total pyshco! Although Iam not good with, “stalking” lol. I got caught i accidently friended my exs old girlfriend. Then she messaged me and of course saw why i was looking. I felt so ridiculous and will never look at her page again! I actually apoligized and was honest and told her it was out of curiosity and we actually talked but left it at that. It gave me some closure and now i dont care. Iam 21 and i feel like i have some female excuse still to have done this lol, but i love him so much, that this possesion i felt, that iv never felt with another man possessed me to do this, which i never did with anybody else. Now though iam
    Over it, and yea after the fact i got caught.
    Again iam glad theres more girls out there who have done this. :P

    • Anni

      Typo* hes my boyfriend not my ex

    • Priscilla

      I am VERY possessive with my man…I’m glad I am not the only one who felt that way.

  • The Smirking Cat

    It’s odd to me that no one has questioned yet why your boyfriend is reading his ex-girlfriend’s facebook page.

    I read this with the perspective of someone who has been stalked on facebook and elsewhere. My BF’s ex has actually used a teenager’s facebook account to get to my page, as she is of course blocked by me due to her ongoing obsessive behavior. Maybe I am simply not as curious about other people’s lives, but I truly don’t get making fake profiles or using other people’s accounts to look at the facebook page of someone who doesn’t return your interest.

    • Priscilla

      I get what you’re saying but some of us..like me, poke fun if you must but some of us want to know a thing or two about their exes, what makes them tick, and why they do things sometimes…I honestly won’t know who they really are unless we spoke to each other and that didn’t work out…we bitched each other out.

  • Caroline

    I think it’s just creepy – this woman, Shari, is stalking me on FB. She created a fake account and then friended all of my friends. She has kept this account going for almost a year – I finally got a weird feeling about her when i saw a like on my friends page. Hmmmm, after a little sleuthing, I figured out that she it was her for sure. After my friends got the clue from me they starting unfriending her. She freaked and called her soon to be ex! Nobody likes a crazy lady! Don’t do it…. creepy!!

  • MaryJane420

    It’s nice to know I’m not the only one that has done this haha

  • Joy

    It’s totally normal, it’s how I found out my boyfriend in england for college was cheating on me D:

  • Maria

    Let me put it up-front. I don’t think you’re crazy. I just think that there may be better ways to learn about someone than just looking at their facebook page. if she was your boyfriend’s ex, then he should know more about her than the internet does. Why don’t you just talk to your bf about her if you’re curious. Now you’ve chosen the less effective way, and some people might even label you obsessed or jealous. Now, once again, I’ve no intention to offend or accuse. I’m just stating my opinion on the matter.
    Peace, Maria

    • Taryn

      The problem with that is most guys don’t want to talk about their ex’s. None of the guys I know will openly talk about girls they have dated in the past, especially to their current girlfriends.

    • only me

      I think this is the worst advice ever. Ladies, do not ask your boyfriend about his ex, thats even weirder then checking her out on facebook. Bad, bad advice. I love how everyone can be so so indifferent to the subject now, but when it happens to them, they are doing the same thing they preached against last month.

      • only me

        Sorry, forgot to name the person I was addressing. Its Maria, not you Taryn. My bad.

  • MIA

    I think we’ve all done it… one way or another… FB, phone, email… there are so many ways even spying! Point is We’ve ALL done it and if you havent you WILL…

  • shane(im a girl)

    well that’s actually not stalking like so what you look at someones FB page is it stalking when you look at your friends FB pages NO I mean when i had an FB i would look at my classmates pages whether we were friends or not it’s just interesting to see what other people do and person you need to stop judging people gurls.com is supposed to be a safe place where girls can share their thoughts and secrets without being judged so get a life

  • Person

    If I were him I would have just dumped you after that…that’s just weird and creepy. No, not all women stalk others on Facebook or ask others to do it for them. Well, I said women…maybe stupid little girls do.

    • maddi

      that’s a little harsh!

    • Taryn

      That was way out of line. Actually, many women are very curious about the lives of others and will view the profiles of other people. ACTUALLY. Isn’t that kind of the purpose of your profile? To be VIEWED by others? Maybe, stupid little girls actually leave rude comments on articles that are supposed to help others feel better. If you’ll dump someone for something that shallow then you probably shouldn’t be in a serious relationship.

      • Manda Lynn

        Taryn, I absolutely agree with your views. Facebook is there mainly for the reason of keeping in touch with others and having the ability to access anyone’s profile for viewing, if it wasn’t than it wouldn’t be a SOCIAL NETWORK. I happen to have done the same things and you know what? I’m not ashamed, you should only feel ashamed if you feel what you have done is harmful to yourself or others. Now if the checking up turned into stalking the person in real life, than I would say that’s a dangerous behaviour. But checking up on people, that’s not a crime. Thats called curiosity, and every human being posseses that quality. Its how we have survived dor millions of years and grown into what we are. The only crime here is that we have immature people judging, when it is not their place. Why would you even go onto this website if you weren’t interested in the same thing? Your a hypocrite for even going on this website and telling us that we’re doing something wrong when you clicked on the link in the first place. Honestly, only insecure assholes try to bring other people down, and what? Because they feel as If they have power or want to establish that by bringing down others. Shame on you Person.

        • Priscilla

          Agreed Manda Lynn.. ^____^

        • Kim

          I Agree with you, SHAME ON ME. :(( I have been stalking my bf’s ex gf for 3 years i think and it’s getting worst and i even stalked her in person even know her house. I really need to STOP this. screw these insecurities.

          PS: I created a fake accounts like Facebook, twitter, instagram

    • ms. lisa

      WOW settle down there “person.” Instead of criticizing, why dont you go pull that stick out your bum.

    • Priscilla

      Look dude, you really should look at this in a girl’s perspective. You don’t what they’re feeling, I’d like to say put yourself in our shoes but that’d be pointless as to the fact that..it doesn’t matter how many time a man/guy/boy put themselves in our shoes…they will never understand.