Ask A Guy: Do Guys Care About How Many People A Girl Has Slept With?

Do guys care about your number

Should you tell him? | Source: ShutterStock

Dear Ethan,

Do guys care about how many people a girl has slept with? Because if someone asks me, I answer because I’m a really open person. But sometimes I get the feeling guys do make a huge judgment dependent on that information alone. What do they really think?

To quote Stephanie Tanner of Full House: “How rude!” A guy shouldn’t be asking you that in the first place. But should the number be revealed later in a relationship (perhaps when past experiences may help explain the origins of sexual habits or emotional barriers), well…yes, guys care — but probably not in the way you’re thinking.

For one thing, younger, more inexperienced guys may be intimidated by a girl who has been with more partners than he has. Even I’ve fallen victim to this, when I dated a more… “accomplished” woman while in college. Having only slept with two girls before, I felt like I couldn’t stack up to her level of expertise. But, as with many guys, the issue was rooted in my own insecurities, not in the judgment of my girlfriend’s fruitful past.

As guys mature, a more experienced woman actually becomes desirable. Most guys I know would prefer to date someone who is more confident and in touch with her preferences than someone who has much to learn about sex. A girl who has already sown her wild oats has a better understanding of who and what she wants. Guys who “only want virgins” are mythical at best; rare, creepy fetishists at worst.

I’m certainly not suggesting, of course, that you should jump into bed with any dude who pays for dinner. On the contrary, you should save sex for those you feel are truly special. Follow this rule, and you – and any future boyfriend – will always have respect for your history, no matter what your “number” is.

Chauvinists may excuse promiscuous guys as “players,” while describing women with similar sexual records less kindly. But who wants to date a chauvinist? You need to gather experience at whatever rate you feel comfortable with by setting your own personal standards. If a guy can’t deal with a sexual history that you’re secure with, he’s likely not right for you to begin with.

Good luck!
Ethan

Ethan Fixell is a writer and comedian from New York City best known as one half of comic “dating coach” duo Dave and Ethan. He is also the creator and editor of ActualConversation.com. For more on Ethan, visit EthanFixell.com…or call his mom, Robin.

Are you confused about a guy? Do you find yourself wondering, “What is he thinking?” Tell us everything in the comments! And if you have a question for Ethan, email him at askaguy@gurl.com!

 

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  • slut lover

    I actually have a minimum partner criteria with women. I am attracted to women who have and continue to have many men. I get turned on during sex when a woman tells me how good the guy she just had sex with was and how i am getting sloppy seconds. I enjoy watching a woman with others before i get my turn. I would marry a baracks whore simply because of that. I want a woman who enjoys having multiple men and is a total freak. I don’t mind sloppy seconds and i love seeing a woman gaped and covered.

    My live in lady loves picking up hot guys at the bar who are hung and blows them as i and a friend take turns. I cant be with a woman who has not had 3 guys at once and didnt like it. I need a woman who has seen more penis than a urinal trough at dodger stadium. I like a woman who’s idea of wedding night sex involves the grooms party ganging up on her while i romp with the bridesmades. A woman who’s dream honeymoon is a week long orgy with 30 other couples all tested and clear so no condoms would be used. A woman who would walk down the street leaking man juice from her holes and it all over her skimpy clothes and face and i would kiss her.

  • rrr

    Yes, guys care. No, it doesn’t make you desirable. It’s very easy for any reasonably attractive woman to get sex. Her getting lots of sex is not an achievement of any sort and will only create mental image in guy’s head of love of his life being pounded by some other guy(s).