Do guys care about how many people a girl has slept with? Because if someone asks me, I answer because I’m a really open person. But sometimes I get the feeling guys do make a huge judgment dependent on that information alone. What do they really think?
To quote Stephanie Tanner of Full House: “How rude!” A guy shouldn’t be asking you that in the first place. But should the number be revealed later in a relationship (perhaps when past experiences may help explain the origins of sexual habits or emotional barriers), well…yes, guys care — but probably not in the way you’re thinking.
For one thing, younger, more inexperienced guys may be intimidated by a girl who has been with more partners than he has. Even I’ve fallen victim to this, when I dated a more… “accomplished” woman while in college. Having only slept with two girls before, I felt like I couldn’t stack up to her level of expertise. But, as with many guys, the issue was rooted in my own insecurities, not in the judgment of my girlfriend’s fruitful past.
As guys mature, a more experienced woman actually becomes desirable. Most guys I know would prefer to date someone who is more confident and in touch with her preferences than someone who has much to learn about sex. A girl who has already sown her wild oats has a better understanding of who and what she wants. Guys who “only want virgins” are mythical at best; rare, creepy fetishists at worst.
I’m certainly not suggesting, of course, that you should jump into bed with any dude who pays for dinner. On the contrary, you should save sex for those you feel are truly special. Follow this rule, and you – and any future boyfriend – will always have respect for your history, no matter what your “number” is.
Chauvinists may excuse promiscuous guys as “players,” while describing women with similar sexual records less kindly. But who wants to date a chauvinist? You need to gather experience at whatever rate you feel comfortable with by setting your own personal standards. If a guy can’t deal with a sexual history that you’re secure with, he’s likely not right for you to begin with.
Ethan Fixell is a writer and comedian from New York City best known as one half of comic “dating coach” duo Dave and Ethan. He is also the creator and editor of ActualConversation.com. For more on Ethan, visit EthanFixell.com…or call his mom, Robin.