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How do you choose?! | Source: ShutterStock
Hey Heather,
My best friend likes this guy. I recently started talking to him and realized that I like him too, and he likes me but he also likes her. He is super sweet and funny. He makes me happy and makes me feel good about myself. She found out that we like each other and she is really upset. What do I do? I like him a lot and can’t make those feelings go away… but I don’t want to lose my best friend! Please HELP!!!
This is definitely a tricky situation. I know this isn’t your fault and you can’t help your feelings, but it’s totally understandable for your friend to be upset. As unfair as it might seem, it sounds like you need to make a choice between your best friend and your crush. That stinks, and it’s definitely going to be a difficult thing for you to go through, but dragging this out is only going to hurt everyone involved even more, including you.
The main thing you need to ask yourself here is this: Is this guy really worth hurting your BFF over? Ideally, your best friend should be the girl who is always there for you and who always makes you laugh. Think about your relationship with your best friend – have you always been able to count on her? How long have you guys known each other? Dating this guy is not only going to ruin your friendship, but it’s also going to hurt her a lot. Are you willing to make her feel totally crappy over this?
I’m not trying to make you feel guilty at all, I just want to help you make the right decision for yourself. It can be really hard to find true friends in this world, and if this girl was a great friend to you, then losing her is going to hurt you as well. Even if you end up dating this dude and you’re totally happy, there will probably always be a part of you who misses your friend – and running back to her once (if) the relationship ends won’t be an option.
Do you really want to lose her? | Source: ShutterStock
If you feel like this guy is really special and you don’t want to give him up (and that’s okay), then you need to talk to your BFF about this and try to salvage things. Tell her that betraying her is the last thing you ever wanted to do, but you can’t help your feelings. Explain to her exactly how you feel and let her know you don’t want to lose her as a friend – see if there’s any way she can learn to be comfortable with the idea of you two together.
You also need to talk to your crush about this seriously. The fact that he has feelings for both you and your friend could be a warning sign. You need to ask him who he really wants to be with and see if he’s totally serious about a relationship with you. While this decision is totally up to you, keep in mind that choosing a guy over a friend can often become pretty messy, especially when that guy isn’t only crushing on you.
Basically what I’m trying to say is that you need to make sure that pursuing this relationship is really worth losing your BFF over. If things don’t end up working out with this guy, it could be a decision you’ll really regret. Go with your gut on this one, and don’t make a quick decision.
take care,
Heather
What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at heather@gurl.com
How do you deal when your BFF starts changing?
Can You Trust Him?
In 6th grade my bestfriend since forth grade liked this boy and I likes him to. So me n him started to date. But my bff gave me permission to Bc she wanted me to be happy. We dated about three months then we broke up. I. 7th grade the same thing happened again. In 8th grade me n him were just friends that hugged and that was it. I moved. When I did she started to hug him and wear his hat. She told me about it and at first I was ok with it Bc I moved. But then I changed my mind. I told her that I wasn’t ok about it but I didn’t want to loose her and I also told her that I still have feelings for him and I always will. She got mad and we just lost eachother. 3 weeks later she found a new bestfrend. I start saying sorry to her and stuff like that. Not Bc I was jealous or anything I just was done being angry and I missed my bestfriend so much. She downy forgive me. I just think its to late. I lost the person who makes my day. Makes me happy when I’m sad. She was like a sister to me that I lost over a boy. And I cant do anything about it. I gave my 100% to get her back but nothing worked. So girl’s, make the right decision. Don’t do wat I did because you will regret everything.
That happened to me and my BFF I was dating the her so called crush since first grade and she didn’t speak to me for 3 weeks I ended up dumping him.
My best friend and her friend(didn’t like her) liked the same boy but the one I hate which is,the bitchy one got with the boy without even telling my bf.and then she still forgave her! like WTF !!!!I got so pissed. And that happened twice so I told my best friendits either her (a girl she barely even knew ) or me (her bff for a year) . Guess wat she picked that bitch. So wat I dont need that whore in my lifee
everyone needs to chill man theres a solution to this – three sum
It sucks right?! My best freakin friend in the whole wide world is dating the guy i am totally and completely in love with!!!! And that guy happens to be my best guy friend!!!!
Same! My bff is dating the guy that im in love with and she knew that i liked him too! Now all she ever does is talk about him and it makes me so upset but i dont wanna talk to her about it because her and him are better friends than me and him so she thinks she knows him better which she does, but it all still sucks.
if u both like the same guy then duh there r plenty of hot sexy guys on Craigslist Casual Encounters looking for relationships,sex,or friends with benefits that usually leads to a loving relationship,remember a lot of guys just like to start off as fuc buddies cause they r 2 shy to start a relationship,they just hide it
I think that you should figure out if this guy really likes you or not. If not then I wouldn’t even bother. I mean if your friend is really a true friend, I wouldn’t ruin things with her for a guy that might like me. But if you’re positive that he really does like you and only you, then, well, things just got tougher. If that is the case then I would try to explain it to your friend. After all, him not dating you won’t mean that he’ll all of a sudden have feelings for her. Also, I think it might be better if he tells her himself that he doesn’t like her, if that is the case. But just remember, although this might hurt to hear, it could be the other way around. He might have feelings for her and unfortunately not for you. Just see how things go. Hopefully, they’ll turn out for the best.