I asked a boy out and he said no. He was my best friend in primary school and he likes another girl. I’m really embarrassed, what should I do?
The good news is that you don’t need to feel embarrassed – if he was ever truly your best friend, he won’t think less of you for expressing your feelings. If anything, he’s probably just super flattered that you’re into him!
The not-so-good news is that there isn’t much you can do at this point. Once he expresses interest in someone else, you have to drop the issue entirely. At least you can be thankful that he’s being up front, and not sending you mixed messages like so many other girls have complained about!
You do, however, have the power to choose whether or not to maintain contact with him. If you value his friendship above all else, ideally you should soldier on as if nothing happened. He’ll appreciate your not letting an awkward hiccup get in the way of your bond. But if you find it too painful to continue interacting with him, cutting ties is an entirely reasonable option. If you’re still very close, you can calmly explain why it’s become too difficult to hang out – any mature dude who respects you will understand.
Some fair warning: giving the relationship some space may very well cause your friend to miss you. He might even “discover feelings” he never knew he had. But, in a panic over losing you entirely, he could be confusing platonic love with romance, so approach these turnarounds with great caution. And even though such epiphanies can be sincere, I wouldn’t use distancing yourself from him as a “technique” to get his attention. Guys can usually see right through that as a manipulative move, and will end up shying away even further.
Ultimately, no matter how you choose to proceed needs to be motivated by moving on. Keeping romantic hope alive with this guy will only hurt more in the long run. Whether you decide to cut him off or not change a thing, you have to assume that it simply wasn’t meant to be.
And hey, if he comes crawling back someday after realizing the terrible mistake he’s made, just think of it as a bonus!
Ethan Fixell is a writer and comedian from New York City best known as one half of comic “dating coach” duo Dave and Ethan. He is also the creator and editor of ActualConversation.com. For more on Ethan, visit EthanFixell.com…or call his mom, Robin.