Confession: I Was The Other Woman

The other woman

Feeling horribly guilty all the time just wasn’t worth it. | Source: ShutterStock

When I was 18-years-old, I made one of the worst decisions I’ve ever made in my life: I started hooking up with someone else’s boyfriend, and essentially became “the other woman.” And this wasn’t just a one time deal. No, this “relationship” went on for a few months.

I know what a lot of you are probably thinking: “How could you do that?”. Or maybe it’s more like, “What a slut!” (Man, we hate that word). Listen, I know that the other woman is normally seen as someone who is manipulative, selfish and just downright nasty. But I swear, I’m none of those things. I’m actually a super-shy girl who fell (hard) for a dude who wasn’t available. It was a think-about-him-every-second kind of crush, so pathetic that it was hard to watch… and so, I made a stupid mistake. Before you judge me, read my story.

I had just gotten out of a very serious relationship and was feeling vulnerable, sad and totally ready for a rebound…and that was when I met who we’ll call K. K was cute, older than I was, more mature (or so I very wrongly thought), and extremely charming. We worked together almost every day and flirted constantly. Even though I knew K had a girlfriend and was off-limits, I couldn’t help the major crush I was developing, no matter how much I wanted to.

After a few months of harmless flirting, things started to get…well, not so harmless. K started asking me to hang out, and while I said no at first, I eventually gave in. The first time we hooked up, I felt absolutely terrible. But at the same time, it was also kind of thrilling. Not only was I doing something no one ever would have expected me to do, but the secrecy of our relationship made things weirdly exciting.

The other woman

The secrecy might have been fun at first, but wasn’t for long. | Source: ShutterStock

For me, this wasn’t just a meaningless hook-up. I really, really liked K.  Even though being with him made me feel super guilty, it also made me happy. And I know this is going to sound like a lame excuse, but K spent a lot of our time together talking about how terrible his relationship with his GF was. He told me he wanted to break up with her, but couldn’t because they were “in a weird place.” I stupidly thought that he might really end things, and that made me feel a little less horrible.

Eventually, it didn’t matter how exciting our “relationship” was, or how much I liked him – I knew I had to end things. I couldn’t think about K without thinking about his poor, clueless girlfriend. I started realizing that a guy who could lie to his GF on a daily basis wasn’t really a good guy, no matter how many perfect things he said to me or how much he made me smile.

A lot of times, the other woman gets all the blame. But here’s the thing: they don’t always deserve it. I’m not saying I wasn’t to blame – I made a choice to be with someone who I knew had a girlfriend, and I’ll be the first to tell you it was a mistake. But K was to blame also. He made the choice to cheat on his girlfriend and he was the one who pursued me for a long time.

All I’m trying to say is this: don’t automatically judge a girl who hooks up with someone else’s boyfriend. Before you start calling her all sorts of names, consider that she just might have fallen for the wrong guy at the wrong time. I’ve heard people say that once you’ve been branded the other woman, it sticks with you for life. That’s ridiculous. People make mistakes, and believe me, I still feel incredibly guilty for what I did. And if you’re in this situation right now, you owe it to yourself to dump the dude right now. Trust me, that’s one thing you won’t regret.

Have you ever been the other woman? Would you ever cheat with someone? Have you ever been cheated on? Tell us in the comments.


Can cheating ever be accidental? Share your thoughts

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  • Alexis Kyrokos

    I understand completely if my English is bad that’s because it’s not my first language. Well I’m not messing with the husband. But I am messing with his wife I met her at my nightclub I’m a bartender serving drinks she upset her husband a workaholic just sends money home. She 38 I am 27 she doesn’t have two legged kids. I see it just having fun she come to my island every weekend we hook up. You only live once we make mistakes I like to stop but it’s like first high and I’m trying to get back to that again.

  • Britney Richter


  • Nia Phillips

    Okay please forgive me people, I’m nineteen and I’m sleeping with a boy that’s 24… he has a girlfriend and a 2 year old baby. He stays over 5 nights a week. He tells me he doesn’t sleep on the bed with her an d they haven’t had sex in months.. he speaks to me all the time even when he’s home.
    I’ve known him for years and years, but only the last few month it got sexual… we started speaking dirty and last week he came over late at night and we fucked.. it was like we had a connection straight away. He’s been back ever since and sometimes we don’t even have sex we just watch films.. help me

  • Public Opinion

    I became the other woman without my knowledge. The guy didn’t tell me that he had a girlfriend and was having trouble with her. After a few weeks of us being together, his girlfriend called me and then I found out the truth. They both are together now and I was the only victim in all this. Got my heart broken, and trying hard to forget him.

  • Dk

    Okay so I met this guy at a party and the next night we hooked up. At first I wasn’t aware of him having a gf but I also had a bf and I know we both were doing wrong. Afterwards he asked me was it going to be a next time and I slick want to cause he took me on down through there but on the other hand I had think about my boyfriend. He is very charming but I don’t think any feelings will get involved I hope not but I don’t know. I’m still young and growing up so I know I’ll be making a whole lot more of mistakes.

  • ViLoveTheOther

    Basically I met this guy while I was out shopping before I moved to a new city (Atlanta where he lived at the time) so after a couple of months he started hooking up, talking on the phone every day, and while I was always back and forth between Atlanta and my home town we would always meet up and hook up, but I have ALWAYS really liked this guy, and ofcourse looking back I’ve always thought to myself, just maybe if I would’ve done somethings different we really could have started dating possibly.. But fast forward to when I finally moved here to Atlanta, I lived kind of far maybe 30min from the actual city.. And we only met up a handful of times until after a year of living here I moved closer to the city only to find out after about 6 months of living at my new place that he was moving in my same development right behind my house. (Found out from looking at his Instagram this one particular day) so before he moved in he could come stop by in the neighborhood and Come see me, we’d talk about how has life been and everything. But oneday as he’s coming back and forth to his new place I kept seeing a girl go in and out of his place. Then I started saying to myself now I just know that he doesn’t have a girlfriend.. I didn’t ask because I just figured he would tell me if that’s what was going on. Because at the time about to move in there was a lot of people coming in and out of their place.
    So one evening he asked me if I was hungry, I said yes, and he said okay he got me some food, and my initial response for him to just drop it off at my house, since he has to pass my house every time he goes home. But he told me to just come to his place.. And I went.. And ofcourse we ended up sleeping together. And I went over another time and it happened again, and that was when I asked about the girl.. And all he said was he didn’t want to talk about that. And then that he felt bad because he didn’t want to make me feel like a side piece when in reality that’s exactly all that I was for him..
    He messed around a couple more times. I actually slept w him 2 days ago.. Because I seriously liked this guy ALOT but I’ve decided that I’m nothing more to him than a want not a need or a priority. Even though I wish we could’ve been more, were not. And I hate the fact that he lives in my neighborhood now, reason why I’m planning on moving so I can be free of this temptation. But I’ve blocked his number tonight and I’m going to keep it that way, because he isn’t a good person to be doing this to his girlfriend and I’ve even told him that, just to get him to stop contacting me because i knew what we were doing wasn’t right AT ALL!

    So as a woman you have to set the standard, always put yourself in the shoes of the other woman, despite your own selfish reasons. Always be a woman w class, and integrity!
    But ofcourse this is a VERY watered down version of this situation but hopefully your guys understand..

    Hope this helps someone in a sticky situation out there..

  • June MacDonald

    I am in the same boat. Here is my story and if anyone can offer any help I would greatly appreciate it. I met a married man at work. I was only friends with him for years, but then he started flirting with me and I did like him but knew he was married. He then said he was getting a divorce, that his wife and him had lost their connection and it was only a matter of time, so we hooked up and I fell really hard for him… I have never had a connection with anyone like I do with him it is absolutely amazing. Ok fast forward it’s been a year and 7 months. He is still married, says he doesn’t want to hurt her. In the beginning he was being kinda mean to her trying to get her to leave on her own. She started digging and found some emails from us and caught him. Now he feels really guilty and is staying out of guilt. He said when she found out she was very emotional, and months went by that she kept saying I just don’t know if I can handle this, I don’t know what to do. (by the way they have not had sex in over a year. she asks for it and he refuses it) he says he just isn’t into her like that. he loves her as a sister and that is it. After all this time, they have been married 15 years, she now tells him , hey I’ve always had a fantasy of a threesome, would you be interested. He said it’s tempting only cause he was thinking of me… Why would she do this and after all these years. Is she playing him, is she trying to get him excited about her? We haven’t had sex since she caught him and I’m still holding on but this new thing has thrown me for a loop. I don’t get it. I think she is playing him, any one have any suggestions. Thanks