When I was 18-years-old, I made one of the worst decisions I’ve ever made in my life: I started hooking up with someone else’s boyfriend, and essentially became “the other woman.” And this wasn’t just a one time deal. No, this “relationship” went on for a few months.
I know what a lot of you are probably thinking: “How could you do that?”. Or maybe it’s more like, “What a slut!” (Man, we hate that word). Listen, I know that the other woman is normally seen as someone who is manipulative, selfish and just downright nasty. But I swear, I’m none of those things. I’m actually a super-shy girl who fell (hard) for a dude who wasn’t available. It was a think-about-him-every-second kind of crush, so pathetic that it was hard to watch… and so, I made a stupid mistake. Before you judge me, read my story.
I had just gotten out of a very serious relationship and was feeling vulnerable, sad and totally ready for a rebound…and that was when I met who we’ll call K. K was cute, older than I was, more mature (or so I very wrongly thought), and extremely charming. We worked together almost every day and flirted constantly. Even though I knew K had a girlfriend and was off-limits, I couldn’t help the major crush I was developing, no matter how much I wanted to.
After a few months of harmless flirting, things started to get…well, not so harmless. K started asking me to hang out, and while I said no at first, I eventually gave in. The first time we hooked up, I felt absolutely terrible. But at the same time, it was also kind of thrilling. Not only was I doing something no one ever would have expected me to do, but the secrecy of our relationship made things weirdly exciting.
For me, this wasn’t just a meaningless hook-up. I really, really liked K. Even though being with him made me feel super guilty, it also made me happy. And I know this is going to sound like a lame excuse, but K spent a lot of our time together talking about how terrible his relationship with his GF was. He told me he wanted to break up with her, but couldn’t because they were “in a weird place.” I stupidly thought that he might really end things, and that made me feel a little less horrible.
Eventually, it didn’t matter how exciting our “relationship” was, or how much I liked him – I knew I had to end things. I couldn’t think about K without thinking about his poor, clueless girlfriend. I started realizing that a guy who could lie to his GF on a daily basis wasn’t really a good guy, no matter how many perfect things he said to me or how much he made me smile.
A lot of times, the other woman gets all the blame. But here’s the thing: they don’t always deserve it. I’m not saying I wasn’t to blame – I made a choice to be with someone who I knew had a girlfriend, and I’ll be the first to tell you it was a mistake. But K was to blame also. He made the choice to cheat on his girlfriend and he was the one who pursued me for a long time.
All I’m trying to say is this: don’t automatically judge a girl who hooks up with someone else’s boyfriend. Before you start calling her all sorts of names, consider that she just might have fallen for the wrong guy at the wrong time. I’ve heard people say that once you’ve been branded the other woman, it sticks with you for life. That’s ridiculous. People make mistakes, and believe me, I still feel incredibly guilty for what I did. And if you’re in this situation right now, you owe it to yourself to dump the dude right now. Trust me, that’s one thing you won’t regret.
Have you ever been the other woman? Would you ever cheat with someone? Have you ever been cheated on? Tell us in the comments.