From The Message Boards: Can Cheating Ever Be Accidental?


vespertine said:
This topic is a toughy. I used to think that there was no way that this “accidental” business could actually happen, until it happened to me. Sometimes it’s not so much an accident as it is the product of influence.

My opinion? Cheating is cheating – and I don’t think you can ever call it accidental. You are always held responsible for your actions, no matter what. When you decide to cheat on someone, you’re making a choice to betray them, whether you realize that in the moment or not.

Yes, situations can very easily get out of hand, and sometimes things do happen. But when a person cheats and they honestly feel terrible about it, their reaction should never be, “It was an accident.” It should be, “I made a mistake and I’m sorry. This is my fault.” I think that saying it was an accident is trying to take the easy way out… and also, in my mind at least, it’s a pretty lame excuse. But taking accountability for your actions? That shows that you’re mature enough to realize what you did really was wrong.

What do you think? Who do you agree with? Can cheating ever be accidental? Have you ever cheated? Let us know in the comments.


So you cheated on your boyfriend… now what?

Posted in: Boards, Cheating
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  • jellybean

    I think it’s very possible to cheat accidentally. I’ve been there. I was very good friends with a guy. And then one day, we just had a moment and we kissed. We met up soon after and things went a little further. Neither of us planned it, and we NEVER wanted to hurt his girlfriend. Although I’ve always said i’ll never be “the other woman” I’m afraid I can’t help it. I know it’s wrong. But it’s not our fault.

  • josh

    my girlfriend thought we broke up because of a prank my friends pulled on her where they sent her a text saying i never wanted to see her again and that it was me who sent it. the next day, from what i got her to admit, she kissed another guy who she doesn’t even know well and told me to never worry about. she didn’t even try to get me back. we said if that ever happened we would always try. she accidentally cheated on me and she is sorry and she wants me to take time to decide whether i want her still or not. i don’t know what to do

  • John Tetraus

    If you are in a good committed relationship, i find it hard that you would want to cheat anyways,not saying that it could not happen, but in most cases if you want to stray you are the captain of your own ship so to say. I thought getting my doctorates degree was difficult, but lo and behold being in and maintaining a committed monogomous relationship today is difficult. Not saying that it never was difficult but yes i find it takes a lot of effort and thought to be put in. The hardest part is communication around and involving the relationship. If i couldnt maintain or committ to a monogomous relationship i would not of even started a relationship. And i know things change, now that i am older and so is my new girlfriend i find that i want a single monogomous relationship and so does my girlfriend. We talked about this very subject many a night ,I am not saying i am a angel but i never have cheated on my girlfriend and yes there has been many offers and opportunities. And this goes the same for my girlfriend. We are now going into year two of our relationship and we are talking about taking it to the next level. I know for the first eight months of our relationships we had our ups and downs. I got out of a relationship which i had been in for four years. My new girlfriend was still trying to decide who she liked better, me or this off again on again man she has known for 6 years. I must say i finished my old relationship before my girlfriend had and i was left hanging in the unknown zone for about three months before she got her head cleared and realized that the old boyfriend would never amount to anything substantial. When she finally stopped seeing him we became a monogomous couple and have been going strong close to a year. And we have spoken about the need to cheat or how it is called, i lead a very busy life and anybody today that has a good job does, and this goes the same for my girlfriend. Again, it is your own mind and or will that will decide for you at the end.

    • Phillip Sinclaire

      There are lot of outside influences always pushing and pulling on you. I am no ugly troll but I have never had problems in the dating scene. I know like most other men do if I go to a bar or night club in all likely hood of finding a woman who wants a relationship with you only is just about impossible. And yes, there are the exceptions to every rule. I am a firm believer that as you mature your view about yourself and relationships, flings, hookups and FWBs change. I personally know many people who have been in different relationship situations and most but not all got tired of sexual hookups with air heads or women twice our age. They get tired of FWBs because they feel not in all cases of course but the one partner seems to be enjoying the maximum benefits from this kind of relationship, the other always gets left out in the cold in some way or another . Now getting to cheating. I know many men and women who were in relationships , dam good relationships and they cheated. Again why? you can name thousands of excuses. Bottom line though in most but not all cases the good relationships ended and the cheaters believed to the very moment their partners said it is over get out or I want a divorce that it was really no big deal. Today most of these cheaters are players and you can find them in the bars on weekends or night clubs now seeking whatever they can get . I also believe that a person can make a mistake. I have friends that have and they have come forward to take their due punishment. Most stayed in the relationship and helped make it better. The rest just faded away into the night. Never to be heard or seen from again.