36 Comments

My Friend Has A Crush On Me–What Can I Do?

Saturday, May 26, 2012 by Abiola Abrams

her friend has a crush

Should have seen this coming! | <a href="http://www.shutterstock.com/cat.mhtml?lang=en&search_source=search_form&version=llv1&anyorall=all&safesearch=1&searchterm=girl+and+guy&search_group=#id=102365131&src=85b9e4e315d2a1fe50c654240167b7d7-3-40"} Source: Shutterstock

What would we do without our besties? They laugh at (most of) our twisted jokes, aren’t afraid to tell us when we look like a goofball (often!) and they love us like we love cake.

So what do you do when a friend has a crush on you — but the feeling isn’t mutual? I know, right? Yikes!

Well, my lovelies, I’ve bungled this in my own life JUST so that you can learn from my unfortunate mistakes. (Yeah, I wish.)

Here’s how to handle things when your friend has a crush on you with dignity for all:

DON’T ignore the situation.
A true friend sees you at your best and your worst. Friendship lasts through thick and thin as long as you uplift each other. You can’t underestimate someone’s feelings. You may think that they’re joking but it probably took courage to come to you. Recognize that.

DO acknowledge how much love your friend as a person.
We’ve all been on the receiving side of rejection. It ain’t pretty. Tell your friend that you care for him or her and you value your friendship but you just don’t see them in that way. Then give them a big hug and a smile. This is way more soothing than the typical “I’m flattered but…” routine.

DON’T let this come between you.
When a good friend expressed his feelings I backed away. The whole thing just felt too Awkward City. Now, I miss him. If your friendship is important keep it intact.

DO be straightforward.
It can be just as hard to let somebody down gently as it is being rejected. It’s even more challenging when it’s someone you adore. When another friend was crushing on me I tried to let him down easy but it was a disaster. He thought he had a shot and started pursuing me. Results? No bueno.

DON’T lead them on.
Sometimes we aren’t clear because we want to be nice. It’s not fair to give someone false hope. Feelings will be hurt. That’s a harsh part of life. If you know you’re not interested NEVER allow anything physical or sexual to take place, got it?

The bottom line…
The friend zone is the friend zone. Make it clear that there’s nothing your friend can do to win you over. This is an awkward situation but with empathy and compassion your friendship can be stronger than ever.

What do you think? Has this ever happened to you? Do you think a friend has a crush on you now? Tell me all about it in the comments!

Are Your Friends Fighting? Here’s How To Deal

Posted in: Relationships
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  • Robert seth

    Wish me luck… I’m Bi and my best friend is gay, he’s been trying to get with me for like a year now…. I wish he was my type but he’s not :/
    I really don’t want to end an amazing friendship but he continues to make moves even though I’ve told him I’m not interested…. I love him like a brother and I feel bad…. dude, it sucks!!!!
    I’m going to try to talk to him next time he brings somthing along these lines up even though I’ve followed steps along these lines.

    thank you!!!!!
    And wish me luck 🙂

  • Pihla Tolppanen

    My best friend has a crush on me, and i dont know what to do. Once when i said “your such a good friend” She mumbled “In the friendzone?”
    And then she telled
    But I’m not into girls (i think) I dont know how to face her

    • Baillie Ciferri

      The same thing is happening to me right now. I need help and don’t know what to do. I told her I’m not into girls but she still says stuff to me like I want to kiss you sometimes and holds my hand in the movies. What do I do?

  • idk what to do! T^T

    This is the same thing happening to me. My pretty close friends likes me and he shows it by making jokes, and talking to me a lot in class. One day, he asks me to grad! The awkward thing is that I like his friend and I don’t like him as a crush back. But I don’t want to lose him as a friend so I rejected him and now its so awkward between us. >.<

  • Morgana

    Okay, sooo, I have a friend named Ethan, and he really likes me. In math class he turns in his chair to look at me and when I pass him in the hall he says hi, or if I am talking to my friend he will say “what” sometimes just to make me notice him. He’s a good friend, but I don’t like him, and he is sorta sensitive (ik hard to believe). I don’t know how to tell him I don’t like him. The most awkward part is that I actually like his friend, Daniel, so I am basically so lost right now. Anyways, thanks for this article. It was helpful! 🙂

  • ZephyExplosion [someone has a crush on me, Help!]

    SOMEONE, ANYONE! I need a reply! This boy at school, he’s my bff. His name is Jacob Kelly, he has a crush on me. He asked my friend to ask me if i liked him……..I didn’t respond because i dont wanna hurt his feelings……….He’s cute and all, but…………I dont wanna break his heart………..my brain is constantly fighting! One side is like “Ask him out! You know you like him!” and the other side is like “You dont like him, but dont break his heart” I DON’T KNOW WAT TO DO! Someone plz help me!

    • Morgana

      I am no expert at this sort of thing, but my suggestion to you is that you should ask him out. Even if you don’t like him. If you asked the person you like out, and they said no, wouldn’t that be sorta hurtful? I think you COULD go with either option, but I think the BEST option would be to, ya know, give him a chance… Well, good luck to ya! (sorry ik this is a few months late LOL)

  • Lisa

    ARGH I am in this position now.. moved to a new city and started hanging out with a guy I used to know 5 years ago, as we were both new and didn’t have any other friends we hung out a lot and did day trips together etc. At first I was like yeah this is cool, not attracted to him in that way and he hasn’t done anything to imply he likes me that way so its fine. Then I got more and more conscious that we were both single..boy and girl.. and he started paying for food..suggesting we go to lookouts..parking up in the dark and talking.. etc and I started getting a bit worried he may try something..
    Anyway, tonight I get a text saying exactly that. And asking if I feel the same way. GAHH! I don’t.. I really don’t. As much as id like a boyfriend I just aren’t attracted and I cant change that can I. Feel SO mean having to tell him somehow that id rather we were just friends 🙁
    What a sucky conversation to have.

  • Heavenly Angel

    I have been through this experience of a friend liking me….LUCKILY, in time, I realized how great he was and started liking him back and we ended up together for 3 yrs……man, i miss him

  • Ran

    Actually Yes , I think that my friend has a crush on me but i don’t have a crush on him too . i love someone else but he don’t know that . i’m afraid that i lost his friendship after all ….
    and also if he know that i’m in love with someone else he will be hurt and i don’t wanna feel like a bad girl who hurt her friend ……

  • Akou

    i loved this article but it happened to me the opposite way cause i was in love with my best friend but he didn’t care much so i let it go. he still acts like me liking him isn’t akward but i still love him but not in love with him.

  • anymous

    if u ask me. I would have confront the boy and ask him,”can I ask you sumthin?”
    Then he probably say ok and then ask him if he liked you (the sooner the better no one gets hurt) besides guys have feelings and I know that cuz I’m a girl and I care for everyone as if they were my friends … trust me getting rejection is like a stab a heart so tell them soon else NO ONE would get hurt and if u do have a crush on someone tell them now!!!

  • Alice

    I had confessed to a person I really like. I said how “I have a crush on him” he found it very awkward and didn’t know what to do!! He said he wasn’t looking for a girl friend! But I felt that he was rejecting me! So the next day, I just told him it was a prank! And he got away with it! But he still acts as if he likes me, I mean he really cares! I find it so confusing but at times I think that he likes me :S

  • asiya

    bad no advice

  • sodi

    My guy friend started to show “ALL” the signs that he liked me; and it got kind of had to just talk. Later he told me that he liked me but i told him no. He would then start to avoid me or not talk to me and the people around us would notice so much that they would say so (We always talk, so us not talking is like screaming “there is somthing wrong”). But now he’s starting to talk to me again, just not as much any more. It realy feels like he is holding back. I still want to be his friend (I STILL AM HIS FRIEND!) but what can i do?

    • unfortunately experienced

      As awkward as it will be at first, just get everything out into the open and ask him if he is cool with being friends again. If he says yes then great!! But please make sure that you don’t give him any mixed signals.

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