Have you ever been watching a movie with your friends and then suddenly this really heartfelt mother daughter relationship scene stretches across the screen? While all of your friends made those sensitive “awww” sounds, do you just feel kind of uncomfortable and distant?
Well if so, then you aren’t alone, girl. That was me for basically my entire high school and most of my college career. I just didn’t have that warm and nurturing mother daughter relationship that all of the movies had and that all of my friends experienced in real life. At the time, it totally sucked.
My parents were “sweet” enough to have my little sister and I at perfect intervals so that they wouldn’t have to really take care of both of us at the same time. When I was starting high school, my sister was still in the single digits and my mom spent all of her free time taking care of “the baby.”
I became surprisingly self-sufficient but only because my mom wasn’t there to help me out with the things that I needed. She didn’t teach me how to do my own make up, how to straighten my hair without leaving that one wiggly part in the back and she wasn’t there when I needed her advice with boys or sex. She was always busy.
When I left for college, things barely changed. I’d get homesick and call her, but only to ask a question or to tell her that I had gotten a good grade. I didn’t talk to her about my life but I also didn’t ask her about hers. We were like ships passing in the harbor and I know it sounds cheesy, but it really hurt my heart.
My friend’s moms would come in town to visit and they would take us all out for dinner. “How’s your mom, Carson?” they would ask me. “She’s good,” I’d reply. I mean, I hoped she was.
As my sister transformed from the baby to teenager, my mom became less focused on her and more inclined to know about the daughter that was growing up on her own in the city. We started talking more and she became wildly curious. I answered all of her questions about my life. “Yes, I have a boyfriend.” “Writing.” “Nope, not a vegetarian anymore.” Etc.
It was like I was meeting my mom for the first time in years, but in a good way. Her preoccupation with taking care of my sister, had given me a chance to figure out myself on my own. I dressed the way I wanted to dress, I did things because I liked doing them, I tried hairstyles that I know she wouldn’t have approved of. I figured out how to live my own life, and I loved it. And the most amazing part is that I love telling her about it. It’s weird, but we actually have a mother daughter relationship now.
We have such a versatile relationship now. I can ask her mom things but also confide in her as a friend—a relationship that none of my friends have with their moms. Some of my friends still don’t know how to cook anything, because their moms babied them all throughout life, but I do. I doubt she did it on purpose, but I know how to be my own person, because my mom wasn’t there to hold my hand at every moment in my life. And honestly, I couldn’t thank her enough.
What do you think about this mother daughter relationship? What is your mother daughter relationship like? Do you think mother daughter relationships are important? Tell us everything in the comments!