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This isn't what we had at all. | Source: Shutterstock
Have you ever been watching a movie with your friends and then suddenly this really heartfelt mother daughter relationship scene stretches across the screen? While all of your friends made those sensitive “awww” sounds, do you just feel kind of uncomfortable and distant?
Well if so, then you aren’t alone, girl. That was me for basically my entire high school and most of my college career. I just didn’t have that warm and nurturing mother daughter relationship that all of the movies had and that all of my friends experienced in real life. At the time, it totally sucked.
My parents were “sweet” enough to have my little sister and I at perfect intervals so that they wouldn’t have to really take care of both of us at the same time. When I was starting high school, my sister was still in the single digits and my mom spent all of her free time taking care of “the baby.”
I became surprisingly self-sufficient but only because my mom wasn’t there to help me out with the things that I needed. She didn’t teach me how to do my own make up, how to straighten my hair without leaving that one wiggly part in the back and she wasn’t there when I needed her advice with boys or sex. She was always busy.
When I left for college, things barely changed. I’d get homesick and call her, but only to ask a question or to tell her that I had gotten a good grade. I didn’t talk to her about my life but I also didn’t ask her about hers. We were like ships passing in the harbor and I know it sounds cheesy, but it really hurt my heart.
My friend’s moms would come in town to visit and they would take us all out for dinner. “How’s your mom, Carson?” they would ask me. “She’s good,” I’d reply. I mean, I hoped she was.
As my sister transformed from the baby to teenager, my mom became less focused on her and more inclined to know about the daughter that was growing up on her own in the city. We started talking more and she became wildly curious. I answered all of her questions about my life. “Yes, I have a boyfriend.” “Writing.” “Nope, not a vegetarian anymore.” Etc.
It was like I was meeting my mom for the first time in years, but in a good way. Her preoccupation with taking care of my sister, had given me a chance to figure out myself on my own. I dressed the way I wanted to dress, I did things because I liked doing them, I tried hairstyles that I know she wouldn’t have approved of. I figured out how to live my own life, and I loved it. And the most amazing part is that I love telling her about it. It’s weird, but we actually have a mother daughter relationship now.
We have such a versatile relationship now. I can ask her mom things but also confide in her as a friend—a relationship that none of my friends have with their moms. Some of my friends still don’t know how to cook anything, because their moms babied them all throughout life, but I do. I doubt she did it on purpose, but I know how to be my own person, because my mom wasn’t there to hold my hand at every moment in my life. And honestly, I couldn’t thank her enough.
What do you think about this mother daughter relationship? What is your mother daughter relationship like? Do you think mother daughter relationships are important? Tell us everything in the comments!
Check Out These Funny But True Things To Never Tell Your Mom!
My mum used to spank me even when I was 17 and one day she hit me hard and I slapped her on the arms several times as a counter and she end up crying. I hate myself for doing that but she never gives up beating me !!
My mother and I share an unusual bond. She would say were close, but I have to disagree. My mother thinks she knows me well but the truth is, she really doesnt. My mother gets a lot of stress from my younger sister and I feel like she blames everything on me. I feel neglected sometimes because she doesn’t care about what I talk about and what goes on at school. Maybe it’s a culture thing but I dont know. It makes me sad and I feel miserable all the time.
I hate my mom
My moms the same way… great lady and all that, but not the maternal type. It’s been challanging, not having her there when I needed someone (I’ve always felt unwelcome and judged if I were to tell her about things), but because of it I’m learning how to do things on my own.
Still, its hard, because she gets really hurt when she finds out something about my life (ie, wanting to go on birth control or the finding of my self-harm scars) that I didn’t come to her with. Yet she’s never made herself come-to able.
my mother and not at all close
what she does is yells at me all the time
she neglected me at an age when a child needs a mother alot my father was only there my father is the only one in my memories what my mother did i dont know may be she was too much into thinking about my elder sister
i remember i must be 11 at the time i would go to her ask her something politely again and again but she wont even listen i used to cut myself bcoz of my mother
i hate her but i never disrespect her bcoz after all she is my mother
Same with my mom
me and my mom are not very close but i wish we were, its just because she is allways yelling at me because of little things. i cook every sunday, she is allways asking me to fetch her things like when she cames home i have to go warm up her diner because most of the time she doesnt eat at the table with us, so in a certain way i feel like she doesnt care about whatever i want to say. i considier myself a good daugther
That sounds like me and my mother…
I actually prefer my dad to my mom. He’s a lot nicer, easier to talk to, and understanding than my mother is about everything.
same here.
I feel the exact same way, my dad is like my best friend whereas with my mom we are not close at all. Sometimes I wish we were but at times I don’t because being with my dad all the time has taught me a lot of things that my mom never could teach me. My mom always says that I can come to her with anything, however she has never made me want to come to her mostly because of her judging personality. Sometimes she does want to talk because she thinks I guess we should be sharing a closer bond, but when she does it’s just misguided attempts. Her go to attempt is “I think you have a boyfriend, tell me about him.” When in fact in all of my 15 almost 16 years i’ve never had a boyfriend, never been on a date and never kissed anyone yet she doesn’t believe me.
this sounds like my sisters point of veiw. i dont really care for my sister anymore.
I wish I could say that I see my relationship with my mom getting better anytime soon. She’s been a tomboy all her life and I’m a very girly person, so whenever it came to wanting to wear dresses and wearing makeup, she was no help. Thankfully, I do have older sisters to turn to. There’s nothing like that special mother daughter relationship that most girls have though. Our differences have really torn me and my mom apart, and it makes me so sad sometimes. It’s as if our relationship is hopeless and I really don’t know what to do.