I think I’ve been pretty clear in saying how much I freakin’ love ’90s television shows. Since I grew up watching these shows, I think they wound up kind of shaping the person I am. And I thought that was pretty heart warming…until I realized how completely ridiculous these shows actually were. And the life lessons they teach? Well, they’re sort of whack. Despite it all, I think I’ve managed to come out pretty normal. But seriously, what were these shows trying to do to me?
Read on for the absolutely insane and sometimes downright wrong lessons the best ’90s TV shows ever taught us all. Then let me know in the comments what nutso lessons you learned from your favorite old shows.
Clarissa Explains It All: Climbing into a girl’s bedroom window isn’t creepy at all.
It’s not weird for your best guy friend to come sneaking into your second-story room whenever he wants without any notice at all. It’s cute. It just shows how close you guys are. Really. But actually, please don’t do this. You’ll probably get arrested.
The Fresh Prince of Bel Air: If you mess up and get in some fights, you can live like a millionaire.
Okay, so you’ve been messing up in school and starting fights. No biggie, you can always pack up and start a brand new life, one that involves a sarcastic butler and lots of money. Because I mean, don’t we all have super rich uncles who live in super posh areas who are willing to let you live with them even if you’re a total screw-up? No? Are you sure?
Family Matters: It’s okay to bully a kid as long as he’s super weird.
Usually, bullying is wrong, but Family Matters proves that it’s not always wrong. It’s okay if the kid you’re being mean to is super strange and different and weird. I mean, was it just me, or was this whole family really, insanely mean to Steve Urkel?
Full House: Basements are for bachelors. Attics are for family men. Moving out is for losers.
When you’re ready to move out, you don’t actually have to move out. You can live in the basement while you’re single, and then once you’re ready to start a family, you can just move up into the attic – with all of them. Seriously, attics are totally big enough for an entire family to live in. And living with your whole extended family is never going to get annoying. Just take it from Uncle Jesse.
Boy Meets World: Crimped hair is a great way to meet your soulmate.
I love Topanga, but let’s be real: her hair was crazy. ’90s acceptable crazy, but still crazy. But good news: crazy, crimped, big hair can still help you find your soulmate in life. Just look at Cory and Topanga – what more proof do you need?
Sabrina the Teenage Witch: You shouldn’t always listen to your cat.
You might think that your talking cat is giving you good advice, but that’s not always the case. Sometimes your cat can just get you in lots of trouble and convince you to do magic you probably shouldn’t even be doing. So stop listening to your cat, okay?
Kenan & Kel: Orange soda solves all problems.
Orange soda is delicious and amazing and one of the best drinks ever. Kel knows this more than anyone in the world. And drinking it will help fix all of your problems, because it will always make you smile. So next time you’re feeling sad – just buy yourself some orange soda. Boom. Problem solved.
Home Improvement: Don’t know what to do? Ask a creepy guy with no face, obvs!
If you need advice, go to your neighbor. It doesn’t matter that he doesn’t seem to have a face. That’s not weird or creepy at all. Just keep going into your backyard and bothering him by talking to him through the fence. It’s no big deal that you guys never see each other.
Are You Afraid of the Dark?: All scary stories have happy endings.
Don’t be afraid of scary stories – They’re like Disney movies with flashlights! According to this show, it doesn’t matter how many bad things happen, or how many supernatural creatures appear… there will always be a happy ending. Okay, maybe that’s actually kind of a good lesson. Although it does make scary stories much less scary.
Friends: Dating your friends always works out and never destroys a friend group.
You can have a group of 6 friends and almost all of you can date at some point, but you’ll all still remain best buddies with no weirdness at all! Seriously, dating each other is never going to make you completely resent each other. Or at least according to Friends.
What life lessons did you learn from ’90s TV shows? What was your favorite old show? Tell us in the comments.