Ask A Guy: How Do You Know If A Guy Is Using You?

guy texting

And sure, he may prefer a game of basketball or Halo with the boys to a night of spooning and watching The Notebook — but he should be willing to make occasional sacrifices if he’s into you for the right reasons. If you’re consistently disappointed by or uncomfortable with the level of interest he’s showing, then he’s obviously not invested in your feelings.

To begin taking a partner for granted a few years into a relationship is a common problem that certainly needs to be addressed, but it’s especially crucial for a man to woo a lady during those first few formative months. An after-dark-only fling is great if both parties are on board. But if your love interest isn’t making time for “date night” at least once a week (1AM trips to IHOP followed by heavy petting don’t count), don’t consider him a serious contender.

Good luck!

Are you confused about a guy? Do you find yourself wondering, “What is he thinking?” Tell us everything in the comments! And if you have a question for Ethan, email him at!


Should you worry if he sends you one word texts?


Ethan Fixell is a writer and comedian from New York City best known as one half of comic “dating coach” duo Dave and Ethan. He is also the creator and editor of For more on Ethan, visit…or call his mom, Robin.

Posted in: Ask A Guy, Love Advice
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  • michele

    I am married woman and I have this male friend who I have been friends with like 17ys but july 2014 we just became friends on facebook again after all those years well we were kinda talking dirty on there joking last Thursday I went got him just to see the new house and meet my foster boys well when husband came home boys right away told we went got him instead of just telling him I was stupid saifd we went for ride so they would nap then husband left was going to divorce but is giving me a second chance but said be awhile for he trusts me. The guy friend said he was so so sorry and that we would be friends that’s it were still facebook friends yet he wont talk to me I do miss talking to him will he ever talk to me again

  • sandy

    I’m with a guy have been for almost two years we have broke up got back together he has cheated on me we just back together in August and I seen where he texted a girl on fb wanting to meet her and have sex with her he dinsze it he tells me he loves me I’m not aloud to have Facebook are friends but he says he needs Facebook cause he family lives in hondorus he sends money. Over there and tells me to pay every thing here bills rent and tells me he’s sending the money over there for me and him I’m confused help I love him but I’m not sure he dose me????

  • tina

    culture is more importnt thn love…love is not important than culture…

  • tannin

    Hi there
    So I met this guy about two months ago … I met him at a night club because he is my best friends boyfriends friend … any who we hit it off really well and I went home with him … after about two days I decided to get hold of him and I found out that he had already invited and followed me on all social media … he then started inviting me over always talking finding out more introducing me to his friends and making it very obvious that he was proud of me … this last week I brought up him meeting my mother and he didn’t seem very keen … since then we have hardly spoke which is three days and he has come on and off line … my friends boyfriend informed me that he is a player and goes out searching to hook up … yet I have been used for sex and the guy has never called me while out if im not there or tells me he misses me or begs me not to leave … I have met all his friends and colleagues and gone away with him … has he lost interest and moved on or does he like me … should I bring it up with him or not … I really dont want to lose him but I dont want to be used …
    What should I do ???

  • Sharon

    I been dating this guy off and on for some years. We both went our separate ways. He showed me he was using me. Never had nothing to offer. Just living off of me. Then I learned he does all his women like that even family members. He is a big user. I had to get strong and mean what I say. I deserve better. He moves from house to house woman to woman. I told him I dont care who you be with all the drama you caused in my life. He cheat on facebook but think its nothing. When you give time to other women its something. One year he is in DC then two years later he is in VA. Always need money and rides and some where to lay his head. I had to wake up. Run from him. He is no good.

  • Stacy

    Hi I’ve liked this guy for a while he said he liked me too then we kissed and stuff I told him that I wanted him to ask me out he said he’ll tell me the next day if he wanted to be with me or not then when I went to he’s house the next day he was like actually I don’t want to be with u cuz ur a year older and because of something else I sorta went crazy on him and was like so what do you not like me no more or what then he was like ya I somewhat do and then went in side he didn’t talk to me for 3 weeks or come over. One night I called and he’s friend answered and was like hi and stuff then the guy I liked got on the phone and was talking to me. The next day I called he answered again I asked if we were ok he said idk I said do u even like me……as a friend he was like idk and then was like gotta go.I saw him the next day at the park where I confronted him and was like are you to scared to talk to me or what he said no then he said that he had a gf which he doesn’t the next day he called and I answered I sAid b honest do u have a gf he said idk do I I said idk do u he said idk u tell me I said well idk then he was like ok we’ll bye then he called again that nite at 1:24 am my parents were really mad bc they heard my phone ringing after that nite I didn’t answer he hasn’t called or answered my calls what so ever plzz help me I’m so lost and confused if he likes me or not still:(

  • Spencer Hastings

    He has a whole conversation with me then asks me to send pictures of my boobs and I do and then he says thanks. Then the whole thing happens the next day

  • Kris

    My bf only texts me when he’s done work at night now,he’s obsessed with calling his ex and a coworker as soon as he wakes up. He spends all his days off with me,is he using me really bothers me that he can’t even text a gm. I told him I miss his morning texts and he ignores it..

  • pam

    I seening this guy for about 3weeks but either of us are single ,I’m just trying to see we’re his head is at we kiss hug talk go riding.he text me in the morning and sometimes he evens me even calls me out the blue.I been around he his friends the first time we hung out.but I like he’s hiding something

  • DesperatelyLost

    Based on my dating history, I’m the girl that guys think they can use. I’m still in high school and kinda naive… especially when it comes to boys. I don’t have much social or dating experience and I’m still a virgin. I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost four months now and thought everything was great but recently something just feels off… My boyfriend is actually really quiet but he’s more energetic around me and that made me feel special. He’s sweet but he’s been kinda aggressive lately, not like abusive or anything but like sexually assertive, so I thought about it and decided I might be ready for the next step so to be safe I’m on birth control now…. but I also asked him to slow down a bit. He went from being practically smothering to distant…. I have trust issues and figured it was just my imagination but I’m starting to feel its more than that… Has everything been an act so that I would have sex with him…?
    Can somebody explain this to me cause I’m really lost and starting to panic….

  • TeenageGirl123


    So on halloween i went to a house party and met this guy who ive seen around and had a strange crush on for a while and i completely clicked with hin. At the time i was dating another person but there was no chemistry there even before meeting the guy. He asked me for a new years eve kiss when i told him i had a party last new years and i never got a kiss. After he asked for a nye kiss i reminded him i currently had a boyfriend.

    After we have been texting and snap chatting basically non-stop. I also saw him briefly after the party (sober) and felt the same way.

    Soo i am single, i am very attracted to this guy… But he is renowned for using girls . My friends who have been caught up with him have all warned me that he is only in it for sex. But what teenage boy isnt?

    So i tried to push away a bit and stop talking so much but out of the blue he text me saying. “What are yo doing on new Years eve? Xx”

    What does it mean? Is he using me for sex, a nye party or something else? Somebody help!

    Thanks x

    • Emma

      I would say be carful with this guy i mean listen to your freinds but be bold but not too bold

  • shirley hubbard

    ok let me give you a bit but breief insight i i hada on going fling with this man for 8 years hadnt seen him or even had gave it any thought until he had walk bk into my life 18 years later we know each other pretty well i think well any way he been asaying all the right things but when the time comes to live up to wat he has said there is always some kind of excuss why it didnt work out the he wont talk to me an when he dose its scarace but when he need wat he need i try my best bend over backwards tio make it happen then we make plans to do this and that but as always it never appears and its been on going like that for 3 yrs now im really confused because it was never like that in the past weve knowen each other for almost 30 yrars wat am i suppose to do here

    • Miss Apex

      Sounds like this creep that I have been dealing with Ranzino Smith. He used the hell out of me and also gave me a std in jan. I have been going to therapy for 3 years because of this situation. He had a girlfriend and many more that he sees. I truly thought that he loved me, because he tells me that and he knows the right words to say. Just leave him alone, change your phone number, don’t email or text. It’s hard but we as women have to start doing a better job at getting to know a creep before we give up any cookies.

  • mageemoola

    so theres this guy and i really like him but i have a feeling he is using me for sex . we never dated but he has told my he loved me over text and face to face .but when he did face to face he was trying to have sex with me i really like himbut i cant do this with him im too young .we have had sex a couple times and it seems as if it the only reason he comes to me ive talked to him about it he tells me he likes meand that he isnt using me for sex and he wants to because he loves me but he has a gf he told me he would brake up would her he tried to have sex with me 2 days ago but i told him no and he just calmly backed down every time we have sex its awkward for a while then he asks to be friends help idk what to do with him .when i look in hia eyes i can feel that he has a crush on me but he is comfused my intuition tells me that but idk im always there for him and i think thats y he might take advantage of me ? hes a nice person when i say no he doesnt get angry he goes with it and we jjust cuddle or watch movies but right now he has been ignoring me what do i do help!!

    • Brenda

      Hes not getting angry becoz hes smart. And hes ignoring u now becoz ur not givin him what he wants frm u – sex.

      Hmm best just get some energy out from urself and get over him!

  • angelina

    Hey, I need ur help. We are friends since past 4 months but from last one month, we are jst lyk best friends. He shares his every little secret with me. Earlier, he used to be very flirty with other girls (never wid me) but for the past 15 days, he suddenly has stopped talking to any girl except me. On enquiring, he replied that he had promised someone that he will not talk wid other girls except me, since we are best buddies. We do spend time together a lotttt!!! And he seems to enjoy my company. He cares too much but we don’t hug or kiss as a friend. So, what do u think? Is he really considering me as his best friend? plz plz help!!!

  • Karlah

    I have been talking to this guy (seriously) for almost 5 months now. He’s a really great guy. We are not in a relationship..yet..(as he says), but we do everything normal couples do in a relationship. He says it will take him a while to fully build back up his trust from his previous relationship….We spend a good amount of time together, we talk all the time..mostly texting if we aren’t in person. We talk about EVERYTHING..not just sex. We just started having sex last month, so I did make him wait some time even though we still did other things. We hang out in public, sometimes kiss in public too (peck). We’re in college so we basically know each others friends already.. It did rub me the wrong way when we went on a double date recently and I had to pay for my own meal. I just wonder if he means what he says or is he just using me.

    • sandy

      I’m with a guy have been for almost two years we have broke up got back together he has cheated on me we just back together in August and I seen where he texted a girl on fb wanting to meet her and have sex with her he dinsze it he tells me he loves me I’m not aloud to have Facebook are friends but he says he needs Facebook cause he family lives in hondorus he sends money. Over there and tells me to pay every thing here bills rent and tells me he’s sending the money over there for me and him I’m confused help I love him but I’m not sure he dose me????

  • Peg

    Ive been dating a guy for about 3 months. He sends me text messages and the occasional phone call. I see him weekly for an evening/overnight. I am not sure hes into me… we are both over 40… hes never been married and I am widow. How do know if he is interested in me for the long term or just a for now.