From The Message Boards: Does Friends With Benefits Ever Work?

Girl Crying

amyboox said: (from another thread!)
I have to say that friend with benefits… never works. Unless it’s more like, acquaintances with benefits, having a friend you fool around with will always end up with one person liking the other. It’s much better to stay friends normally.

My opinion? Sorry to say this, but I just don’t think an FWB relationship can ever really work out. There are so many reasons why it’s just way too complicated. When you’re having sex with someone, of course you’re going to develop feelings for them – you’re being super intimate. It’s natural!

I’ve seen (and experienced) so many friends with benefits situations where one person ends up liking the other person, and the feelings aren’t returned. They almost always lead to jealousy, anger and feeling like you’re not good enough. But everyone is different, so if you think you can handle totally casual sex, go for it. But if you think there’s even a small chance of you wanting something more, don’t do it. It’s only going to hurt.

What do you think about friends with benefits? Have you ever seen it work? Have you ever done it? Let us know in the comments!

 

How do you get out of an FWB mess? Here’s some advice


Posted in: Boards, Friends With Benefits
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  • Kelly

    Well, I think FWB is fine, even if you do have feelings for the other person. I was FWB with the guy I really, really liked… and I was totally ok with it. Even though I cared about him a lot, being FWB was nice! And I didn’t end up feeling hurt, because I knew, going in, that it wouldn’t amount to anything more!

  • banaraskhan

    kissng onle sexy

  • Elle

    I can tell you right now, FWB never, NEVER works out. I tried it a few times. It went on longest with my friend Aidan for about 8 months. I ended up falling for him, but he didn’t reciprocate my feelings. Even then, we kept hooking up. I ended up really depressed, jealous, and unhappy all the time. I stormed out in the middle of sex because he mentioned a girl he had been seeing and we haven’t spoken since. In the few other times I’ve tried this, it always ends the same for one of the partners- heartbreak. Overall, FWB is not a good idea.

  • Princess :]

    Ha! yes at first it may work out, even for awhile…but we are people with feelings and whether you initially have none, remember the other person may!
    Its usually the person who is so not into the other who ends up falling!!
    always keep in consideration ‘are you willing to lose the friendship?’
    I am currently ending one, why? because we both had moments of confusion, and I started to date someone…and realized when i kissed that person it was nothing compared to kissing the person im fwb with…im praying we can keep our friendship.
    neither of us is interested in a relationship…in the end it sucks!!

  • Theundercoverlover

    I’ve been Fwb with someone for 3years going on four as of now, I’ve told him how I felt and hes also told me he cared, as I do want more from him he never gives it. The sex is not great infact I don’t want to be intimate with him, I want to be with him no sex included out conversations are great. I’ve spoken to him about how I felt about him always wanting to be intimate whenever we meet and he says I don’t have to but he would be “disappointed”…. I love him and I do believe he feels the same but he’s emotionally incapable of expressing his feelings for me, so I’m stuck feeling like I’m in this alone.

    • Monia2389

      Thundercoverlover I know how you feel it sucks so much im going through the same with my fwb its been almost two years and we are still stuck in the same place but I love him so I can’t leave even when i’ve tried we both end up contacting the other…

  • Kacey

    Of course it could work… BUT only if the sex is mediocre. If it’s good sex and good chemistry, you may get attached! I just stopped seeing my FWB last week.. I told him from the start if i feel like I want something serious, I’ll look elsewhere, now he’s jealous and doesn’t wanna lose me ha. Moral of the story? FUCK AND DON’T GET FUCKED! 🙂

  • a.clayton216

    Friends with benifits never work out because it becomes more than just a friendly relationship. You eventually start to fall for him or her and you really cant say anything about it because you guys are just friendsl..

  • Emily

    Being friends with benefits is something that becomes complicated, messy and hurtful in most circumstances; primarily because the majority of people are incapable of separating sex and emotions.
    Men find this division much easier – and so FWB generally is harsher on girls, who are also more likely to be more exclusive to their FWB relationship. The idea behind FWB is that the friendship comes first, you are friends no matter what; sex occurs because it feels good, but is secondary to the friendship. Personally, I have never been in love and will not fully believe in it’s existence till such a time as I experience it; this is not for lack of experience in sex and relationships.
    Also I believe in order for FWB to work one needs to have a well developed and mature understanding of relationships and how people work.

    I myself have never had any issue with my own FWB relationship. Our friendship has involved full disclosure, including past, present and future plans for life, love, sex and relationships. There is complete comfort, trust and understanding in our friendship in every respect. Neither of us have had issue with the other hooking up with, having feelings for or sleeping with someone else – in fact we are the perfect wing man and woman for each other.
    I imagine that the sex and the other ‘benefits’ part of our friendship will cease if either of us enters into a serious relationship, however we have yet to come to this point.

  • Howardhemtem

    hello there grant this is there link address ,give them a call , mention H hemtem give you there number

  • UmmNo!

    I learned the hard way, but FWB leads to the boy having no respect for you. I was once for it ; but now I’m against it nothing meaningful comes out of it.

  • Bella

    I don’t think it always works especially under some situations as my Best friend in College is being friends with benefits with her ex they only spilt up 2 months ago and they were seeing each other for 2 and a half years!

  • Nyx

    FWB totally works! I’ve been sleeping with mine for the best part of 4 years! I don’t love him and he doesn’t love me, simples really. I really hate the annoying comments that it’s always girls who end up falling for the man, puh-lease! My body’s released a fuck load of chemicals after sex and none of them have made me gooey inside or desperate to declare my love for him. He’s a great lay and vice versa, and he’s also a really good friend. We set out rules from the beginning and we stuck with them. When it comes down to it, he is first and foremost a friend so If he did find someone he wanted to date then I’d be happy for him and he would be for me. We’re not looking to date, just fuck each other senseless, end of.

  • Sandy

    Hi, doesn’t work. I had a fwb thing with my coworker for just two months shy of two years and we bit tried to end things before we caught feelings in between those two years and we had several convos on if we weren’t at didn’t levels and times in our life we would make it exclusive. I was a couple years older him with two little girls and he was career driven with no responsibilties. We got really close and became friends and hung out in the same circles, including coworkers. We did our best to hide it, we didn’t want anyone at our office to know. But people started asking a little before he left the job. Two years in, he leaves and leave me behind here. He told me he missed me so much during his the first week of his new job but the following week I didn’t hear from him, not once. He stopped talking to me. I felt hurt, dumb even. Bottom line is if you have a big heart and the tendency to care too much, don’t do it! It’s an empty feeling when they walk away and not even acknowledge you.

  • ebony

    In my personal experience i do believe this can work. But only if thats what you and him chooses. Just know that its better to leave all feeling behind i mean lets face it if feeling are involved some will get hurt.And even tho you may good intentions with FWB., It may all turn out bad and end up bitting you in the you know where!!!,,,But either way choose i only wish good to you.

  • Clare

    I know this can work. I have been doing this with my best friend for two years very successfully. I think its important to understand the chemicals released when you have sex with someone and the connection that you make. It takes more than saying you can have sex, and not get “emotional” or “clingy”; but really doing it. Saying that your friend can sleep with you one night, and you can hang out all day, then if later that night they go home with another girl its ok; you have to follow through. Meaning: Understand there is a connection, and that you love your friend, but that this “openness” can make each of you very happy and is quite natural, and that most likely it will make you appreciate each other even more. Relationships and titles can be a intimidating and feel constricting, this way you can be close to your friend, have regular intimacy, and still have “freedom” (which I feel is really important at our age, and seems to be important to men especially).

  • Jasmine

    Come on girls! Grow up! FWB is all about sex, and gettin yours. If you’re looking for that knight on a white horse, you better look somewhere else. Personally, I want someone that is good in bed and doesn’t want to move in and start telling me my business. Hopeless romantics should avoid FWBs or they’ll be dripping tears all over their Harlequin Romance novels.

  • Kristian

    my best friend had a relationship come out of a fwb and they’re still together! they were both essentially not looking for a relationship when they first met. they continued to see other people until one day they just got together! both parties have to be in the same mental state for this to work. girls, don’t be so defensive if a guy only wants to sleep with you! if you want to sleep with him then it’s mutual. he doesn’t put you through anything, you put yourself through it all. so if YOU can stomach accepting the circumstances as they happen, then you should be good!

  • meaghanxo

    Since the beginning of the year I’ve been fwb with someone and the first 2 months he wanted me a lot more then I did but as we kept fooling around I began to get feelings so I don’t believe it could workout without someone getting feelings.i don’t talk to tho person at all anymore either we literally hate each other now but that’s just my experience

  • strawberrykittyx3

    It’s an excuse for a guy to just get what he wants and leave without having to acknowledge that he’s a jerk. There is no benefit for the girl because this NEVER works out and she is not loved, respected or wanted. The only “benefit” is him being commitment-free, but we’re all girls. We don’t use guys, we want love. They typically want to use our bodies for selfish purposes. And there you have “friends” with “benefits”. Girls, don’t settle for this ridiculousness. Sometimes it takes a while to find a nice, good guy but you won’t find him unless you wait for the right one. Don’t settle for this, because what emotional satisfaction are you really getting from this?

    • Emily

      Excuse me. ‘We don’t use guys, we want love’ That is so outdated its not funny.
      This sentiment it created by romantic comedys and romatic novels that have no basis in reality. Guys are often a lot softer than girls, they just don’t harp on about it. Women can actually get a lot out of a friends with benefit relationship. Knowing that you want to be with someone and it’s not just the sex talking, is an amazing thing.

      Don’t think everything is about love – you will just be bitterly disappointed by life.

  • Kayla

    I had well have a FWB. You have to be careful in my opinion though. What I mean by that is I love mine, literally. I fell for him really hard. And being FWB makes it a lot harder on me. Of course he doesn’t know how I feel. He knows I like him but you know. And especially towards the girl it can hurt a lot if you two ‘don’t have strings attached’ but you what ‘more’ from him. But I don’t think it works out ever honestly. 99% of the time one ends up liking the other, and/or someone gets hurt.

    • inlove

      Im kind of in the same situation. I have a fwb sense november, iv known him sense we were kids but anyway i love him and he knows but he wont date me because of my ex and im the only person hes ever been with. If i would have known i was going to feel like this i would not have started this.