From The Message Boards: Does Friends With Benefits Ever Work?

Girl Crying

amyboox said: (from another thread!)
I have to say that friend with benefits… never works. Unless it’s more like, acquaintances with benefits, having a friend you fool around with will always end up with one person liking the other. It’s much better to stay friends normally.

My opinion? Sorry to say this, but I just don’t think an FWB relationship can ever really work out. There are so many reasons why it’s just way too complicated. When you’re having sex with someone, of course you’re going to develop feelings for them – you’re being super intimate. It’s natural!

I’ve seen (and experienced) so many friends with benefits situations where one person ends up liking the other person, and the feelings aren’t returned. They almost always lead to jealousy, anger and feeling like you’re not good enough. But everyone is different, so if you think you can handle totally casual sex, go for it. But if you think there’s even a small chance of you wanting something more, don’t do it. It’s only going to hurt.

What do you think about friends with benefits? Have you ever seen it work? Have you ever done it? Let us know in the comments!

 

How do you get out of an FWB mess? Here’s some advice


Posted in: Boards, Friends With Benefits
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40 Comments

  1. avatarSam says:

    I’ve kinda fallen into a bit of a friends with benefits relationship recently…no sex yet, and there might not be any, but definitely intense physical intimacy. Only problem is, it’s with one of my best friends, and one of my best friends that I had a huge crush on a year ago, at that. He’s 18 and I’m 19, we’ve always been close and we got drunk a couple months back and hooked up and it’s just kind of fallen into an irregular pattern since then. He really likes another girl though, a lifelong friend of his, and she likes him back, but she lives in a different state and has a boyfriend. Nothing will probably happen with them, but it was the two of them recently becoming even closer that pushed me to realize that I like him again. A lot. So, I don’t know what to do. I want to keep hooking up with him, but I know he doesn’t feel the same way about me so I’m just going to get hurt even worse. My advice, friends with benefits sounds like a great idea initially…but it absolutely does not work. Someone always falls, and the other person usually doesn’t fall with them.

  2. avatarJenny says:

    I’m on the verge of breaking it off with my fwb…although I knew that it was dangerous to even begin something in the first place, the first few hookups were fun…but I broke the biggest (probably the only one) rule of the game…I got hopelessly attached. He knows and he told me that we could make it work…apparently, he fell too. But I just don’t know…being an fwb definitely forms trust issues as well as inconsistency in character…I would avoid it as much as possible.

  3. avatarMs. Black says:

    okay, I have had this go both ways. I had a FWB in college, and it was exciting. It was really fun hanging out with him, because it felt like a comfy relationship, yet he got together with a girl, and I had my fiancee. Then we stopped hooking up, but still kept in touch. It was great like I had the best friend in the whole world because he knew everything about me, my in’s and out’s and there was no commitment there. I still talk to him and I hold him and his happiness dear to my heart because of how close we were as friends. That intimacy of having sex really did allow for the closeness. It really was fwb because he would be on the phone sometimes during, and so would I, but hey, it is what it is. And after years of not being single, I finally became single again, and had been crushing on this guy hard. Well seeing as he is 13 years older than me, it was like nahhhhh nothing is going to come of this. But he started joking, and playfully suggesting things, until one day he was asking me about my situation….and it let to him telling a mutual friend of ours to give me his phone number. Well I texted him, and we’ve talked a bit. It exploded into sexual topic suddenly and he asked if I wanted to be fwb. I told him sure, it’s worked for me before why not. Well…..it’s been about 5 months now I think, and I’ve been out to see him 3 times, and he’s just invited me over for trip # 4. Every time I’ve gone over to visit, has been better. I truly enjoy spending time with this guy, the sex is really out of this world too. I find myself thinking, well….there haven’t been any conflicts….I wonder if this actually “could have” worked as a real relationship? And now I’m smacking myself in the forehead…..seriously why are these thoughts creeping in. I have developed feelings for this guy. I should have known, after crushing on him that it would really turn into that. I never thought he’d be so sweet to me too. Every time I have hung out, or I saw him at work or something (which is rare maybe once a month at most) he’d text me the next day and say “hey it was really great to see you” or after I’d leave his house he’d say “I had a fantastic time with you tonight, thanks for coming all the way out here”
    whenever I check in on him and see how he’s doing, (trying to keep up on the friends part since I don’t see him regularly) he’ll text me back for a bit and then say “hey thanks for keeping in touch, it means a lot”
    I am left wondering…..is he developing feelings for me too? The last time I visited, he cuddled with me with his arm around me for an hour and a half as we talked afterwards….and gave me a hug as I left. This does not strike me as fwb behavior….especially not from a grown man. We are both divorced, and he has two children that live with their mother, but he talks openly with me about relationships he’s had, and had thought to break them off because it wasn’t worth the distance or aggrivation since it didn’t feel like they were meant to be or anything. And asks me about my pursuances to see how I feel about them and if I’ve ever met “the one”. Again this seems like deep conversation for a fwb. Well he bought me dinner twice and when i visit, I stay for like 5 or 6 hours and we hang out talk sports, talk music, fool around, talk serious, share stories, and say goodnight, followed up by a hey this was really really great, thanks, hope you have a good night, see you soon.

    ????? how do you know when it’s crossed that line and it’s bordering upon feeling-ville, and no longer casual-land?

  4. avatarJENNY says:

    I have a FWB, he is awesome…. Yes I like him, he is fine as crap and we have alot of fun together. But I would never see him as someone I want to have a relationship with, just a buddy… You just have to find the right person to have as a FWB and it can work…. Been working going on 3 years and still as awesome as the 1st time……. Good luck

  5. avatarMonia2389 says:

    It never works trust me! I’ve been with someone for almost two years “fwb” we definitely have feelings for each other he May not show it as much as I do but trust me its there we will never leave each other alone it seems like….so word of advice don’t get into one of these kind of relationships you wont ever get out emotions will always show no matter how hard you try and deny it♥♥

  6. avatarkate says:

    well my crush just asked to be fwb, but i denied because i’m only 13. he said it would be fwb without the sex, but then what’s the point? (he’s 14) so yeahh. he said basically he we would just be there for each other like holding hands, hugging, kissing etc. i’m jt confused. i do NOT want to have sex anytime soon. but then i do. i don’t know. i’m too young, i know, but maybe some advice on how to handle this relationship?

    • avatarElizabeth says:

      don’t have sex any time soon. Make sure you are ready is really important and that you really care about the person. like you said you are 12. it would be awful if you ended up with a kid you can’t get a future for, i mean, kids are wonderful and I’ve got a friend who is a Junior in High school who planned her child she had a while back this year and she loves him and the dad is there but it is still teen pregnancy and it hurts the child’s future.
      Though I mostly believe in abstinence after a convo with my friend (we are 18, well i will be tomorrow) i have started considered friends with benefits.

  7. avatarLaura says:

    I had a fwb for months. I think the most important thing to do in order for it to work is to tell eachother, “I would never date you because_____”. We had been friends for 10 years before and still are now. We never talked about it and our closest friends never even knew. One day we just didn’t have sex and haven’t since, but not for any reason, we could pick it back up next week and it would never be weird. Don’t think about how great he is, unless you are thinking about the sex. Otherwise, think of all the stuff about him you wouldn’t want in a real relationship.

  8. avatarNobody says:

    How many of you have seen the movie FWB? In the movie it didn’t work but that was what everybody expected from the beginning. The movie makes it seem possible for it to work. I think if you guys aren’t too close, maybe you just hang out when your horny. I think that would work out okay.

    P.S. a good relationship is based on a foundation of friendship. :)

  9. avatarKaaaaylaaaaamorgaaan. says:

    nooo, it doesnt work. i tried it, and today we’ve been together a year. someone always catches feelings, luckily for us, we BOTH did. <3

  10. avatarJinx says:

    I think it can work, but both parties have to be extremely honest with each other and more importantly, with themselves. Because I have recently entered one with a boy I’ve had a crush on for years and I was afraid that I wouldn’t be able to handle the emotions I might have had, but after actually having sex and establishing out FWB relationship, I can honestly say that it’s perfect and I’m not crushing on him at all anymore. It’s kind of an ideal relationship.

  11. avatarBrooke says:

    Im FWB with my ex, ha sounds funny right?
    But i lost my virginity to him when we were together & after we broke up through alot of talking or whatever we ended up being FWB & its actually really fun & theres no strings attached anymore cause were not together.

    • avatarSunny says:

      Omgg. Me too. But we are probably slightly bit different from you two. We still have feelings for each other.. But he always say he is not ready for a relationship yet..

  12. avatarNaz1996 says:

    I have a friend with benefit and eventhough i have feelings for him, its nice to keep it a secret and be together with no strings attached! 15 :)

  13. avataraimme says:

    m8 im 13 i have just started this fwb with a 15 year old i am not a slag but it is fun

    • avatarKristen says:

      13 is a little young, don’t you think? especially for a friends with benefits relationship. I lost my virginity when i was 15 and stayed with the guy for 4 years and then i entered into other less serious relationships. but 13 is way too young to be having that kind of sexual relationship. It isn’t a healthy relationship for your age, trust me.

  14. avatarLilly says:

    I dont think it works, i was FWB with a guy for about 3 months, I lost my virginity to him and i started to like him more, i never told him but with both decided to end it and it was harder because when we saw each other as FWB we had a better time than if we were in a relationship, it can work for some, just dont like the other person more than they like you!

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