In what’s either a brilliant or a bogus marketing move, a sex toy shop in France is giving away a free vibrator to anyone who may not be getting laid since Diablo III came out this week.
This comes with a few implications: One, that the company is either sympathetic towards women who they assume will be lonely, or two, that the company is a little sexist in assuming that women and girls don’t have any interest in one of the most badass and engrossing video games of the year. In any case, we think if the guy you’re dating is always more interested in video games–no matter how addictive–than he is in you, you probably wouldn’t want to sleep with him anyway.
Which brings us to an important question, gals: Which would you rather have–video games or sex?
Not gonna lie, I’d go with video games.
Think about it: You never have to worry about them texting you back about your plans and then spacing or flaking. You don’t have to worry about your makeup smearing on them or whether or not they like the flavor of your lip gloss. They don’t get too handsy with you before you’re ready or engage in locker room talk with their friends after spending the night with you. And with video games, you have way more control, so if a happy ending is what you want, you’ll get it–even if you have to reset a few times. Frankly, I wish dudes were as predictable as the algorithms within a PS3 game. And hello? They come with a manual. And if that’s not enough for you, you can cheat–and get away with it–with a walk-through.
Sure, guys can be okay. Some of them are really nice to look at, a lot of them smell good (maybe because their deodorant is so cheap), and a few of them are good with their hands (or other things). But the drama, the arguing, the douchebag friends, the mind games–it’s a little exhausting after a while, isn’t it?
Obviously, if you have a good guy, he’s not going to make you decide between video games and sex. Hell, he wouldn’t pressure you into either (though he’d likely be delighted to engage in both). But if you’re on the fence about a dude? Go with the video games. Unlike with guys, you can turn them on and off without them getting pissy and whining about blue balls. There’s no gross stuff to clean up afterward, and no STD or pregnancy risks. If you have a Kinect or a Wii, you’ll still get a workout, and you can pause them when you have to pee without stuff getting really awkward.
And if you fall into the category of girls who need a little sexy help to get through the debut of Diablo III? Dude, you know what to do.
Have you ever dated a guy who was more into video games than hanging out with you? Are you, you guy, or your friends hooked on Diablo III? What do you think of the vibrator offer? Do you prefer video games to sex? Tell us in the comments!