What Is An Orgasm? How Do I Know If I’ve Had One?

what is an orgasm

It should feel . . . like this. | Source: Shutterstock

How do you know if you’ve had an orgasm? Let’s see if I can help.

One way to help figure out if you have had an orgasm is to understand what is an orgasm in the first place. Basically, orgasms are the combination of two things. The first is that as a woman gets turned-on, she builds up muscle tension around her pelvis. During an orgasm all this built-up tension releases. The second thing that happens is that at the same time that this tension (or myotonia, if you want to really get technical) is released, a flood of hormones flows into the body. When it happens together, the hormone flow and muscle tension release cause intensely pleasurable feelings. These are often centered around the genitals, but they can be felt all over.

If this doesn’t sound like something you’ve experienced, don’t despair! Pretty much anyone can learn how to have an orgasm.

One of the best ways to do this is by masturbating (aka: touching yourself). When you are alone and the pressure’s off you can experiment with different types of sensation. Plus, you won’t feel rushed or like you have to perform, and you can let yourself fantasize about what turns you on without worrying about what is going on with someone else. Don’t be discouraged if things don’t click right away. Learning how to orgasm can take a lot of practice, both alone and with a partner.

Right after I had sex for the first time, my high school boyfriend turned away from me and mumbled into my hair, “So, um, did you come?”

I was pretty sure that I hadn’t, but it seemed embarrassing and rude, and maybe a little critical and mood-killing to mention this. So instead of telling him the truth, I said, “Yeah, it was really nice,” and left it at that.

It wasn’t that I was totally lying. The experience had been nice enough. But like a lot of girls’ first (or fifth or seventy-fifth) times, it also hadn’t exactly been orgasmic.

how to have an orgasm masturbate

Trying is the fun part! | Source: Shutterstock

In my case, this was a pretty clear result of inexperience and cluelessness about what I needed to do to be able to come. For other girls, not climaxing can be caused by everything from unrealistic expectations, to awful sex, to discomfort with their bodies, discomfort with their partners, or even discomfort with sex itself.

But whatever the reason, the fact remains: a lot of girls are having a lot of sex that isn’t ending in fireworks. It’s not that sex has to be mind-blowing every time, or that orgasms should always be the ultimate goal. But plenty of girls who would like to throw an orgasm into the mix, aren’t quite getting there.

So what can you do if this is the boat you’re in? One thing is to remember that our bodies are not machines that all work identically. Many people have gotten the message that simply inserting part A into slot B should result in earth-shattering orgasms, and when it doesn’t work like this, we feel like we (or our partners) are doing something wrong.

The fact is, most girls orgasm from clitoral stimulation, not from vaginal penetration, and that stimulation often needs to go on for long time. We’re talking anywhere from 6 minutes to 60. Really. It could take an hour of sexy times to get you to orgasm. And you know what? That’s fine, that’s great, that’s awesome.

Take your time and figure it out. You’ll have fun all along the way even if you don’t orgasm every time.

Want More Orgasm Tips? Here You Go!

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  1. avatarnone says:

    I think it is a great idea for you young girls to masturbate. Although I do think you should wait to have sex I know that is not always the case so make sure you stay safe andbuse protection. Remember that boys like to tell all there friends that they had sex and with who so by the end of the day everyone will know be prepared!

  2. avatarAnonymous says:

    I’m 14, I’m a guy… So I’ve been masturbating 2 times a day since I was 11. You could say that I’m an addict to orgasms. I’m still a virgin but really want to lose my virginity. There are a lot of girls at my school that I could do it with but I need advice! I want to feel the real deal with a girl but not sure if I should wait or not! Help!!!

    • avatarperson says:

      Me personally I think you should before you actually do it with a girl cause if u come and alot goes inside and she doesn’t push it out she could become pregnant. Even though I am 14 and girl I know what i’m saying cause my mom is a doctor/nurse.

  3. avatarJayJay says:

    Hey, im 14, and I have been using my stuffed animal to rub on my VaJayJay, and ive been doin it since I was 9, in order to get an orgasam. Is that safe? Is there any other ways to get an orgasm?

  4. avatarkitty kat says:

    hello i dont want to go all the way with my boyfriend yet but i want to experience this… im not sure if i have already.. he has fingered me but i just dont know if its just pleasure or an orgasm.. please help me out with some tips :) xoxo

  5. avatari says:

    Me and my bf decided to go to next level. It was amazing but he comes so easily whereas I dont. Even when he plays with my, let’s call them soft spots, I get excited and feel like I’m going to climax but then never. I dont know what do….

  6. avatarcrystal says:


  7. avatarHelp me says:

    Hello, Im 11 and I like this boy and he lives next door and is the same age he has asked me out but I didnt know what to say so I ignored it. Everytime we hang out i end up looking and his peniss and thinking about sex. What do i do should i ask him if he likes me or just stop hanging out with him?

  8. avatarKarly says:

    I want to have an orgasm so bad!!! I’m only 13 but I want some sex and to feel that good feeling!! I want to moan!!

    • avatarSue says:

      You really need to take a step back and think about what that comprises. You are too young to have sex. If you feel so compelled to have an orgasm, use your hand or a vibrator. If you were to have sex now then you could risk going to jail including the boy that you had sex with and we’re not even talking about your parents. Little boys your age do not know how to keep quiet. Believe me, sex is really not all that great compared to this glamorized magazine article.

    • avatarpriscila says:

      u should concentrate on ur life right now not ur sex lif u can have that pleasure u want in ur future life dude

  9. avatarLulu says:

    Is it bad to have to many orgasims in one day? I have them about 5 times a day… Is that bad? And I purposely make myself get them. They just feel so amazing to me! And I always crave more!

  10. avatarChaterine anold says:

    I do reach orgasm wow is so so sweet to have sex with a boy dat has big dick

  11. avatarAshlee says:

    Is it normal to get really twitchy when you have an orgasm?…

  12. avatarPrettyDread says:

    Well im 19 and i believe i have orgasms because it feels good and stuff come out but when i master bate i know for sure when im having a orgasm plus stuff come out but when me and my boyfriend have sex i have a orgasm because stuff comes out and he tells me but i dont never know . Isnt that weird ?

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