What Is An Orgasm? How Do I Know If I’ve Had One?

what is an orgasm


It should feel . . . like this. | Source: Shutterstock

How do you know if you’ve had an orgasm? Let’s see if I can help.

One way to help figure out if you have had an orgasm is to understand what is an orgasm in the first place. Basically, orgasms are the combination of two things. The first is that as a woman gets turned-on, she builds up muscle tension around her pelvis. During an orgasm all this built-up tension releases. The second thing that happens is that at the same time that this tension (or myotonia, if you want to really get technical) is released, a flood of hormones flows into the body. When it happens together, the hormone flow and muscle tension release cause intensely pleasurable feelings. These are often centered around the genitals, but they can be felt all over.

If this doesn’t sound like something you’ve experienced, don’t despair! Pretty much anyone can learn how to have an orgasm.

One of the best ways to do this is by masturbating (aka: touching yourself). When you are alone and the pressure’s off you can experiment with different types of sensation. Plus, you won’t feel rushed or like you have to perform, and you can let yourself fantasize about what turns you on without worrying about what is going on with someone else. Don’t be discouraged if things don’t click right away. Learning how to orgasm can take a lot of practice, both alone and with a partner.

Right after I had sex for the first time, my high school boyfriend turned away from me and mumbled into my hair, “So, um, did you come?”

I was pretty sure that I hadn’t, but it seemed embarrassing and rude, and maybe a little critical and mood-killing to mention this. So instead of telling him the truth, I said, “Yeah, it was really nice,” and left it at that.

It wasn’t that I was totally lying. The experience had been nice enough. But like a lot of girls’ first (or fifth or seventy-fifth) times, it also hadn’t exactly been orgasmic.

how to have an orgasm masturbate

Trying is the fun part! | Source: Shutterstock

In my case, this was a pretty clear result of inexperience and cluelessness about what I needed to do to be able to come. For other girls, not climaxing can be caused by everything from unrealistic expectations, to awful sex, to discomfort with their bodies, discomfort with their partners, or even discomfort with sex itself.

But whatever the reason, the fact remains: a lot of girls are having a lot of sex that isn’t ending in fireworks. It’s not that sex has to be mind-blowing every time, or that orgasms should always be the ultimate goal. But plenty of girls who would like to throw an orgasm into the mix, aren’t quite getting there.

So what can you do if this is the boat you’re in? One thing is to remember that our bodies are not machines that all work identically. Many people have gotten the message that simply inserting part A into slot B should result in earth-shattering orgasms, and when it doesn’t work like this, we feel like we (or our partners) are doing something wrong.

The fact is, most girls orgasm from clitoral stimulation, not from vaginal penetration, and that stimulation often needs to go on for long time. We’re talking anywhere from 6 minutes to 60. Really. It could take an hour of sexy times to get you to orgasm. And you know what? That’s fine, that’s great, that’s awesome.

Take your time and figure it out. You’ll have fun all along the way even if you don’t orgasm every time.

Want More Orgasm Tips? Here You Go!


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289 Comments

  1. avatar:$ Stephanie says:

    Ok. Im 19 and i just lost my virginity to my boyfriend… He on the other had has had alot more experience in this area than me…. :$ he wants me to have an orgasms and i dnt know how to :/ can someone help me … is their any tips you can give me. :$

  2. avatarpearl says:

    Hi my boydriend and I usually have sex but I never feel as good as many would say its good,sex for me is not enjoyable it is just sex and it ends there,I try to enjoy but its nt possible it jst gets more boring nd tiring,I love my man but I realy need an orgasm…. Please help

  3. avatar:)happygirl says:

    what is an orgasm by the way?,how does it look..although i am not a virgin,i don’t know if i had an orgasm.

  4. avatarMrs.richmond says:

    Hey,
    I am a 19 year old virgin never even kissed anyone ;) I am engaged to be married November 22nd. Believe it or not there is a man who loves me enough to wait for me. we have been together for 8 months as of yesterday. Masterbation is something both of us stuggled with and I think its a test of self control. It isn’t bad in itself but I think the best part of waiting is the anticipation. there is a time and a place for everything. it’s going to be amazing. Plus I don’t have to worry about having a baby with someone who won’t stick around. He want to have children with me ;). Dream big it does happen. Just so you know it’s not easy but nothing worth having is. I am for Jesus, but I never dreamed He would blow my mind with this dream come true of a Man.

  5. avatarCaliGurrrrl says:

    hi, im 13 and not sure if ive had an orgasm i was masturbating and had a tingling sensation down there and then felt like i was gonna pee but it wasnt pee it was like a milky looking liquid. was it an orgasm?!

  6. avatarAlan Feather says:

    I read a funny comment from an agony aunt once on this very topic.

    If you aren’t sure, you haven’t had an orgasm. You’ll know one when you see one.

    Sound advice, I thought.

  7. avatarSomebody says:

    Well when I was younger my friends showed me porn sites and the as I got to 10 I started watching them more often. Im 13 almost 14 and I still watch it. Its Like I can stop watching it. Help??

    • avatarYo mama says:

      Try getting a girl friend I was addicted for a long time when I kissed my girlfriend it felt good and I stoped watching porn and that also gives us a better sex drive

  8. avatarnot a judgmental butt face says:

    …Jesus doesn’t hate you for masturbating. You don’t need to apologize to anyone. Never do something that you’re not comfortable with. Jesus isn’t shaking his finger at you. He just loves a lot. No matter what.

  9. avatarJesus Mary And Joseph says:

    As I could see obviously the evil one is everywhere!! Especially in young teens who are curious about their body. Let me remind you children SEX is NOT for fun !!! Its for married couples who with the blessing of God are able to perform to consummate their marriage covenant! You don’t understand what these words mean? Look them up! But for Gods sake STOP doing stuff to yourself that is NOT Holy and with the blessing of God!! If you are ashamed to talk to your parents about what you do your obviously NOT doing the right thing. Have dignity for yourself and keep yourself chaste and pure until your wedding day with the right person. Pray that God may forgive you and your actions and STOP now!!!

    • avatarRebecca says:

      You’re the gross one lol

    • avatarAshley says:

      You obviously have no life if you’re looking for things to criticize. No one wants to hear that, if we did we’d read a bible and we don’t need you to tell us what’s right and wrong. We don’t need your views, we all have our own, thanks.

    • avatarAlan Feather says:

      You are a nutter.

      It’s no wonder so many (but certainly not all) Christians are mental basket cases if they believe nonsense like this. Where in the Bible does it say women shouldn’t masturbate? I’ll give you a clue – NOWHERE.

      Jesus loves you regardless. Don’t believe rubbish like this which, apart from anything, is not supported by scripture (and yes, I have read the Bible).

      • avatarAutumn says:

        Then Judah said to Onan, “Lie with your brother’s wife and fulfill your duty to her as a brother-in-law to produce offspring for your brother.” But Onan knew that the offspring would not be his; so whenever he lay with his brother’s wife, he spilled his semen on the ground to keep from producing offspring for his brother. What he did was wicked in the LORD’s sight; so he put him to death also. (NIV, Genesis 38:8-10)

        The bible does say masturbation is a sin in that particular verse, however the bible says a lot of stupid shit and if everyone followed it the way it was taught we would be stoning gay people and marrying a rapist to it’s victim. just an FYI.

        Also, feeling sexual pleasure is not something to be ashamed of. Most people have sex drives, and if there is a god(s) and he really has that much of an issue with it he should (a. Not have created humans to be so damn horny.
        Or (b. stop being such a little condescending prick and let us do what we’d like.
        Don’t let some ancient, dogmatic book control your life please, and if you are by chance, going to let some ancient, dogmatic book control your life, don’t force your morals down someone else’s throat.

  10. avatarsophie gibson says:

    i would love to have this orgasm but it doesn’t work for me, can anybody help? i dont think its the boys ive been with i think its me.. just wish i could experience this for myself..

  11. avatarshianne says:

    When you have had an orgasm is there any discharge (liquidy ones) if you are a female?

    • avatarAlan Feather says:

      It depends on the woman.

      Most women produce a small discharge during sex but some women (like my wife) actually ejaculate and produce a huge shower of ejaculate. You cannot really miss this as it’s like powerful urination and much greater volume than men’s ejaculation. Although it comes out of the urethra like urine, it’s quite different in smell and appearance.

      Some women think they are going to urinate during sex but usually it’s ejaculation. Some men (like me) think it’s absolutely great, but some, particularly if they don’t know about female ejaculation, may be a bit freaked out about it. Usually, those men are the ones who aren’t going to be a great deal of fun in bed though.

  12. avatarshierra says:

    When you have had an orgasm is there any discharge (liquidy ones) if you are a female?

  13. avatarMichelle says:

    Hello guys I just want to say that I myself discovered how to get an orgasm probably around the age of 15 or younger. I love the fact that I dont need sex to achieve it , although my partner does know how to make me get it as well. I wish i can teach women how to get it! It would be my pleasure

  14. avatarelyas1231 says:

    I just wanted to ask when an orgasm happens is it supposed to be milky liquid that comes out the ciltoris or in my case I have a lot of water that comes out of me. Its literally a waterfall and I have push it out because my husband plays with my ciltoris but he gets bored after 2-5 minutes. How does an orgasm supposed to look like and how can it come out by itself.

  15. avatarMindy says:

    Hi my names mindy and I’m 16. I’ve been with my boyfriend now for 7 months and we have done a lore of stuff like oral, anal, fore play and heaps of other stuff. My boyfriend is also bi sexual and has been with boys in the past. He asked if I could do a 3 some with him and one of his friends from drama class ( who is a guy ) I don’t want to but I love him so much and he would do anything for me. Please help I don’t know what to do.

    • avatarReka says:

      Hi, I’m a 31 year old woman and the things you do in life should be things you want to do.He’s not your husband so you shouldn’t feel obligated to have a three some if you don’t want to and if he loves you he wouldn’t care that you didn’t want to have one.

    • avatarJesus Mary And Joseph says:

      Are you serious? Please stop having SEX! You are doing what married couples do and your NOT married!! You are so young to understand what love is and believe me love isn’t having a three some with anyone! If that guy really loved you he would RESPECT you! Have some dignity for yourself , God paid a really big price for you on the cross for you NOT to care! Have a conscious in everything that you do a God is there, and their will come a time when you will be standing right in front of God face to face to be judged by your actions! Sex is to have a family! Your not a piece of meat!!! You are a beloved child of God!!!!!!

      • avatarJenni says:

        Look sweetheart, I can see your a very strong believer, BUT you shoving Christianity down these girls throat ISNT going to solve anything. I know the great commission says to make disciples of all nations, but let God set their path. You’re not God so stop.

    • avatarChic Geek says:

      In my opinion I wouldn’t be with a guy that’s bisexual

  16. avatarautumn says:

    Im 14 and still a virgin. I do like masturbating but im wo.dering if it is a good thing or a bad thing for my health. I really hate this word but when u squirt should it be a clear color and how can u tell if you really have had an orgasim?

  17. avatarsome one plz help!!!!!! says:

    plz help!!! im 12 and i like to masterbate… well used to. one day last yr (2013) i masterbated and it seems i broke my hymen so i am still a virgin? i never had sexual intercourse yet but i was wondering and this yr (2014) i masterbated again and i bled for a few seconds i wiped about 3-4 times and it stopped. is that normal? i dont wanna tell my mom or my doctor cuz my mom thinks masterbating is nasty and i really dont waannaaa tellll herrr!!!! HELP PLZ ANYONE!!!!!

    • avatarAmz says:

      It seems like you might be scratching or tearing your skin internally due to friction which can happen if you aren’t wet enough when you masturbate. If you use some sort of lubricant, but something that is meant for sexual use, not lotion which can cause infection when used internally, then you should reduce the amount of tearing. You can get lubricants at drugstores or stores that sell common sexual health products, like at CVS or even Walmart.

    • avatarGinny says:

      Relax honey..you are a virgin and you will remain a virgin unless a guy inserts his penis into your virgina. So chill :)
      Now about the blood
      Its very normal, you were just a bit hard on yourself I suppose, how many fingers were housing by the way? Or were u using something else? Well, whatever, u don’t really need to see a doc unless the bleeding continues, I’m saying its normal because even when u have sex for the first time u tend to bleed a bit. I’m a virgin too, I just happen to read some adult books. I hope this helped. Take care :)

    • avatarelyas1231 says:

      I just wanted to ask when an orgasm happens is it supposed to be milky liquid that comes out the ciltoris or in my case I have a lot of water that comes out of me. Its literally a waterfall and I have push it out because my husband plays with my ciltoris but he gets bored after 2-5 minutes. How does an orgasm supposed to look like and how can it come out by itself.

    • avatarBasha fertility docter says:

      Dont worry it is common and u stil a virgin masturbate doesnt harm

    • avatarJesus Mary And Joseph says:

      What are you doing??? You really need to STOP you are a little boy!! God is watching everything that you do and is always with you! You need to understand that and talk to your parents about what you did and apologize to God and to your parents and not do it again!!

      • avatarKT says:

        Wow bible basher or what?? Don’t come on these sites -no pun intended- if you don’t agree with the content! Go and pray instead of having an orgasm frigid

    • avatarGraceface says:

      hun, you’re fine. I’m 15, masterbate pretty much every day and its natural. breaking you’re hymen is going to happen if you are penetraiting yourself haha i started master bating when i was 10. bleed is supposeed to happen when you break you’re hymen. technically you are still a virgin since you havent had sex with a nother human being. your just not a self-virgin? lol i dunno but i broke my hymen a long time ago and i still concider myself a virgin :)

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