The other day I tried to explain to my mom the social gravity of what happens when you unfriend or unfollow a guy.
“So you guys aren’t friends on Facebook, can’t you still hang out in real life?” she asked innocently. Ha ha ha, moms, amirite? I told her that NO under no circumstances would be anything other than searing arch enemies from here on out.
I don’t know about you, but it seriously pains me to have to unfriend or unfollow a guy I like. But sometimes, their douchebaggery leaves you no choice. Case in point: Rihanna, who unfollowed her uber-awful ex Chris Brown after he rapped about “smashing her like a pumpkin.” At least I think that’s what it said, I don’t really speak thug but apparently RiRi thought it was pretty offensive too because she nixed him from her Twitter list.
While the dudes in your life hopefully aren’t this horrendous, here’s a handy dandy guide to help you figure out when to hit the romantic delete button.
When He Publicly Disses You
Life is hard enough without having some jackass pop up in your news feed reminding EVERYONE about how you tripped down the stairs at last night. Yeah, maybe teasing you is a way of flirting, but if your gut tells you that um no, he’s actually just being kind of a jerk, nix him.
When You Realize You’re Obsessing Over Him
Once upon a time Facebook should’ve just been called MarcBook because I used it exclusively for spying on my crush. I agonized over every new wall post or comment like—what did they mean?!?!—until it dawned on me that I’d gone from smitten to stalker. Get a grip, put your own sanity first, and take him out of your feed.
When He’s Offensive
Kim Zolciak and Beyonce gave me my new fave phrase, “Show your ass.” It means that you revealed your true self, and it ain’t pretty. When a man shows you who he is, believe him. My last crush did this when I caught him tweeting something creepy to a porn star (yeah Matt, I caught that) and I realized that this was probably the tip of his unappealing iceberg. UNFOLLOW!
When He Posts About Other Girls
Once upon a time I was BBM’ing with this hockey player and was totes going to let him fly me out to see him in Phoenix…until I saw a few tweets about him creeping on girls (his words!) in Vegas. Umm yeah, I know we’re not married or anything, but at least have the decency to keep that crap under wraps. Any guy who brags about being a sleaze is just that. Blechh.
When He Unfriends You
Gasp! The NERVE! There’s nothing more chilling than realizing that a guy has unfollowed you before you could unfollow him. If you think a move like this could be around the corner, take back your power and beat him to the punch!
Have you ever had to unfriend or unfollow a dude? What did you think about Rihanna unfollowing Chris Brown? Tell me everything about your digital disses in the comments!